Aibu or feeling sensitive

[CanaryMary]

I know I can overthink and think I have a neurodivergent issues I struggle with friendships and never know if I’m being too forward or too standoffish
I have a friend (let’s say May) we've been friends for 6 years since we met when our dc were young we’ve been closer over the past years as our dc go to the same school and we’ve been away on holidays etc
in the weekends and summer etc we’ll do days out and recently this has included others from the school it’s a small school and we like a lot of the families there,
a new lady (we’ll call her Marie) and her dc joined just over a year ago and she is lovely really fun outgoing funny etc my friend May has really taken to her and I can see why she’s a breath of fresh air!
now I find out they have been meeting up as families to do football and they all have drinks after,
now Marie was genuinely surprised that me and my dc were not there! And she said this to me , However I knew nothing about it and I told her so! And expressed that my dc would love it but I haven’t know about it. She said I’m really surprised that May never mentioned it and I thought she’d have asked you.
May overheard hears this and looks awkward but is then called over by the teacher, so I don’t know what she’d say about it. And then the dc are around and we head home from school!
so now I’m left thinking about it all weekend.
does it sound like she’s trying to push me away or am I overthinking it and she probably just didn’t cross her mind and it was nothing personal?
im rubbish as social ques and situations as I say I struggle with relationships and understanding sometimes.

I think the best thing if you can bear it is to ask or message May directly..just something like "is everything ok? I was a bit surprised to hear about the outing on X.. did I miss a message"? And then just see what she says. If she wants to save face she can say 'oh bugger I just checked and it never sent' or she will tell you there's some sort of reason. But don't overthink it, it may be one of her kids and yours has had a bit of row or something, or they just fancied a smaller get together. Not everyone has to come to everything.

Thanks for your reply, I don’t think I can ask I just feel too awkward maybe I’ll see if she brings it up. Our dc are best friends so I don’t think it’s that’s and they don’t ever fall out or have any disagreements so I don’t think it’s that either

Friends don’t have to do everything together?!? I’ve organised activities with my children and the children of one friend before, and also ones with multiple friends and all their children. It just depends how sociable/tired/busy/overwhelmed I feel at the time. The same happens from the other adults and it just isn’t an issue. As long as everything seems cordial still I really wouldn’t worry.

I've been there and see this play out at our small village school and I think separating your relationship with May and Marie is important here. Yes days out with the kids are nice but IMO the majority of your social interaction should be done with just grown ups. Keep the kids and their activities out of it.

The parents in our school (including me) were in a clique. That kind of ended owing to changing work and life balance. Since then, I've seen the kids of the remaining parents bicker and argue (and they aren't close at school albeit they will speak) and it's impacted the parents relationships.

I've always been very clear that my friends and I have a friendship (if we do) and the kids have others. Obviously I facilitate and will spend time with the parents of my kids friends, but it's a different type of relationship with those school parents.

I wouldn’t ask if you’ve missed a message that will just make it awkward for everyone. Friends are allowed to do things separately it’s not unheard of. I think you’re being a bit sensitive. Just carry on as normal and see how things go

How often have you seen friends other than May and have you invited her to this? How often have you been the instigator with May/Marie? As pp have said you don't need to invite everyone to everything!

Sound like May has a new shiny toy.
Distance yourself, forge new relationships and try not to feel too hurt. It was mean of her to exclude you.
I know we don't have to be invited to everything yada yada yada but it's okay to feel hurt.

I've seen this over and over in my personal and work life.
May isn't a real friend OP.

I'd just let it be. Everyone is allowed different friends and different dynamics, not everyone has to be included in everything.

Yes thanks I don’t often instigate meetings and events as I’m scared of rejection or accidentally leaving someone out but maybe I do need to start initiating meet ups and social events I just feel I’d be really bad at it but maybe I need to try and ignore my anxiety over it.