Trying to figure out if it’s me being unreasonable and expecting too much or if he should do more. - Up until maybe two months ago he did do a lot. He took over pretty much everything throughout my pregnancy and did a lot pre pregnancy too but it’s tapered off the past few months
we have 3 kids (8,2.5 & 4 months). Obviously I’m at home on maternity leave (I’m also studying a flexible course that takes 9 months). Dh is self employed and works from home. I’d also like to add that I have ADHD so I have a lot more energy then a lot of people and Dh does also work often on the weekends (nature of his job means if he gets a call he has to take it out of hours).
now I expect to do the majority of the kids/house stuff because I have more free time and Dh does do some stuff … however this is the current rough idea of who does what
- school and nursery run (two separate locations and I take baby with me also ) Dh will typically stay in bed till 10am. I’m an early riser naturally and he isn’t. I don’t mind this so much but just so you get the picture - he will often do afternoon school runs and takes dc to hobbies twice a week.
- cleaning. I do all the cleaning. He won’t even wipe down the sides in the kitchen. He will clean the bath after he uses it that’s it.
- he will empty and refill the dishwasher but won’t hand wash any of the baby bottles/dummies etc. won’t wipe sides down or tidy clutter on the sides.
- i do all the laundry
- i I do all bath times and mostly all bed times for all dc
- dh does the bins
- hes never mopped but might run the hoover round once in a blue moon.
- he typically gets in a 2 hour bath conviently at the time I’m making the kids dinner each night so I’m juggling a Velcro 4 month old plus the other two
- he will leave mess for me to tidy up (opens parcels of stuff ordered and leaves it on the floor, cups in the bathroom) that sort of thing.
- doesnt fold laundry and won’t put the kids stuff away however will put his own clothes away if I put them in a pile on the bed
now I know I can cope with a lot more then he can and his company only has a few staff and has grown rapidly so he is feeling overwhelmed with his workload. He does struggle with the mental load of work however we’re still parents and house owners.
the only thing I wanted to change was he tidied up after himself abit more and helps with putting laundry away. Am I expecting too much or is this weaponised incompetence?
Dh is lovely and a brilliant dad but I’m starting to feel resentful. I have just lost a very close relative so unsure if that’s what’s actually tipping me over the edge.