Let's get together, I'll messge you

Blablabla1984 · 2024-04-20T21:15:22+00:00

What's this BS that so many mums are doing now? You speak to someone and they say "Let's get together for coffee, I'll send you some dates" Nothing for weeks..... We bump at the school run or at Tesco, "so sorry I haven't messaged, I've been sooo busy, will definitely do it so we can get together" I message in between with dates to show some initiative from my side. Nothing for weeks again. We bump again, same thing.... "Heyyy how are you doing? I'll definitely need to message you" Why bother suggesting if you have literally no intention to schedule a coffee/play date. And don't say you are busy, because we all are but we make an effort to keep socialising.

BCBird · 20/04/2024 22:17

Stuff em. Find someone else to spend time or something else to do . It's rude.

bradpittsbathwater · 20/04/2024 22:43

Some people are full of shit and just say it to fill space. Find better people to spend time with

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/04/2024 22:45

Are these the sort of people are who are always 'busy busy' 🙄

GingerLiberalFeminist · 20/04/2024 22:47

In dating they call it "breadcrumbing", keeping you on the hook unless nothing better comes along.

I generally stop engaging after a few of them.

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 20/04/2024 22:47

I really wouldn't want to mix with anyone who randomly says "Let's get together for coffee, I'll send you some dates"

Far too Amanda from Motherland for me 😬🤣

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 20/04/2024 22:48

Oh this does my head in. I give them a wide beirth and just not wait. There is a friend in work just like that. I gave her a list of dates that suited and none suited her.. she’d get back to me… that must be last year now. Thw her. I ain’t waiting. Why do they do it. Are they too afraid of being direct? In my case I don’t shallow mingle with the ppl she shallow mingles with so my being seen with her might undermine her position in that other shallow mingle group…. Oh what eves babes! I wish you had the proverbials to say you know, meeting you out of school does not suit my school agenda to fit in. Oh, ok then. I got the message anyway 🙌

Toomuch2019 · 21/04/2024 07:23

They may just be a bit scatty? It might not be personal. Afraid I'm one of these people and I really do intend to sort dates then either forget or feel overwhelmed. Just to throw in another perspective.

You are of course free and reasonable to not engage with this but just wanted to share that it may not be personal.

MountCaramel · 21/04/2024 07:26

Message back saying you're terribly busy with social events but you'll text her with dates when you're free. And then go about your day as normal, twits like this always want to be in control. 😀

JMSA · 21/04/2024 08:06

Foreign friends of mine have always said that this is a very British thing to do.

boredatthehairdressers · 21/04/2024 08:23

I've got a friend (who I see lots but don't 'socialise' with) who said the other day that she realised she was this person (the 'let's get together' woman). She knew she never meant it and has trained herself out of it. Now I'm writing this, I'm wondering whether she was informing me or telling

boredatthehairdressers · 21/04/2024 08:23

I've got a friend (who I see lots but don't 'socialise' with) who said the other day that she realised she was this person (the 'let's get together' woman). She knew she never meant it and has trained herself out of it. Now I'm writing this, I'm wondering whether she was informing me or telling

Me (posted too soon!)

spacehoppercommuter · 21/04/2024 08:28

Urgh yes, this drives me mad. It's fine if you dont want to meet up, I literally dont mind/care but why keep saying it when you obviously cant be arsed- its just lying isnt it?

Why not just say "lovely to see you, how are you?" etc. After two or three times dont bother to suggest any more dates just say "yes, that sounds great" and then dont bother any more. Drop the rope. If they really wanted to meet up they'd make the effort.

swayingpalmtree · 21/04/2024 08:32

I read something recently about this phenomenon and it resonated. The "lets meet up!" is their intention of the person who they'd like to be, but the silence is who they actually are.

Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words so let that guide you- whenever someone's words dont match their actions its a sign they arent being genuine or authentic and you dont want or need people like that in your life. Move on and find people who mean what they say.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 21/04/2024 08:45

I met a friend from uni recently. We both have a few shared friends, but I don't really see any of them very much any more or keep in touch very much, really. It was lovely seeing her, though, and we all have similarly aged DCs now. She talked a bit about getting us all together and catching up, and we had a lovely chat about this while our DCs played. I knew all along it was never going to happen, but we had a really lovely moment just sharing the idea of it. I think people sometimes do it because those little moments of nearness and connectedness just feel good for just a short moment, even though it is fairly shallow. I enjoyed the idea with her and stayed present with it for just a moment, and then we each went out separate ways, and neither of us acted on the idea with any actual effort to make real plans.

I think that is what happens a lot of the time. It's annoying - and frankly disappointing and a little hurtful - if you hope and expect plans to come of it. It does require both parties to silently agree that this is just something we're saying to feel good, connected and social for a moment. But I don't think the people who do this mean any harm, usually.

NWQM · 21/04/2024 08:49

I studiously ignore comments like that now....if by text / WhatsApp I just do a thumbs up. If they meant it they would suggest something with dates. They don't. They just want to feel popular. They can jog on.

spacehoppercommuter · 21/04/2024 08:57

But I don't think the people who do this mean any harm, usually.

They might not mean to, but it is hurtful when it happens constantly. There is just no need to say it to people if you dont really mean it. It's just to make yourself feel good, it's not really considering anyone else's feelings. If you say it to someone and they then text you available dates then isnt it obvious that they have taken it seriously?- to ignore that is just rude and unkind.

Didimum · 21/04/2024 09:01

What does this behaviour have to do with ‘mums’? Some people do this. These people you know happen to do this. Just stop expecting anything from them.

Mairzydotes · 21/04/2024 09:07

I just think it's something people say, they don't have any intentions of actually meeting up.

Original poster

Blablabla1984 · 23/04/2024 20:16

Ha glad to see everyone's encountered this type 😄Bizzare that so many people do it...

OP posts:

mysparkleismissing · 23/04/2024 20:20

I invited a friend to my wedding in 2018, she declined, but promised we'd get together before the wedding... still waiting... she lives 15 minutes away.
She'll say it now and again on fb or text.
I know it won't happen.
But yes happens with so many people

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/04/2024 20:20

Is this the new 'We must arrange a meet up!' when you both have no desire or inclination to ever do so?

EmmaEmerald · 23/04/2024 20:20

spacehoppercommuter · 21/04/2024 08:57

But I don't think the people who do this mean any harm, usually.

They might not mean to, but it is hurtful when it happens constantly. There is just no need to say it to people if you dont really mean it. It's just to make yourself feel good, it's not really considering anyone else's feelings. If you say it to someone and they then text you available dates then isnt it obvious that they have taken it seriously?- to ignore that is just rude and unkind.

Agree
these people who “just didn’t think” - I now realise that = inconsiderate

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 23/04/2024 22:10

It’s just like an apparently polite way to leave it. Like instead of just bye which would be more authentic