To think I’m going to be sat in my baby’s room this time tomorrow and she’ll still be awake

[ffffsssss]

One hour. Dear god.

I'm literally sat waiting for my seven year old with autism to go to sleep. He won't stay in bed if left alone. Come back to me when you're 7 years in, 1-2hrs every night...

I haven’t ever had sleep troubles to this degree, but I make sure to leave the room and only stay in the most exceptional circumstances if she won’t settle (really bad teething). My DC is upset (in a whiny way, not inconsolable) when I initially leave but is settled within 1-2 minutes now, was initially around 10 mins but has got better over time. If you haven’t tested how she may settle when you leave, perhaps give it a go. I found I was serving as a distraction and she will be upset regardless so may as well get it over with sooner rather than later to avoid her becoming completely overtired. I remember the sleeplessness from my DCs early days and it really does break you so you have all my sympathies here!

Been there, I can sympathise! I had two rubbish sleepers, I spent hours upon hours sitting with them to get them to sleep. The frustration! Nothing we tried helped. It's true that it comes to an end though, not that it helps you right now.

This is why I co-slept full time until my DD was over 10 months, she'd fall asleep but then wake as soon as I tried to leave! It gets better, she's just over 2 and a half now and only needs to hold my hand for around 10 minutes to fall asleep, she's also sleeping through every now and then

DS1 self settled almost from birth, and slept 12 hours a night from about three weeks old. I was SO smug (but only internally, never dared voice it!). Then DS2 arrived. Never napped, can't remember how long he took to self settle but it certainly wasn't when DS1 did, and didn't sleep a full night til he was nearly three! Both teenagers now, and I have to drag them out of bed in the mornings.

Sympathies! It will get better, it really will. Mine are both autistic, and I felt like I lived on their bedroom floors for a while! It's so, so hard. Is melatonin worth a try?

@ffffsssss

because you're stressing yourself out. As long as she's not roaring thehouse down, leave her alone.

knowing if she's asleep or awake doesn't help anything!

you could get a monitor and just turn it on if you really need to know what she's up to, then turn it off.

I sleep trained at 9 months, glorious.

Sometimes now we wait for him to go asleep but it does distract him. He was getting whiny tonight so I left and could hear snoring in less than 2 minutes.

Agree to gentle sleep training to help with self settling. Essentially you staying with them whilst they go to sleep and gradually moving away. It helped my son but even still he wakes up at least once a night, mainly out of habit - he’s 4 in september. I found putting one ear phone in and listening to a podcast to take away the intensity helpful. What time does their last nap end @ffffsssss your baby might be low sleep need - try making the gap longer from last nap or making last nap shorter. Either not tired enough or overtired is symptom of long bedtime.
One thing that can’t be helped sadly is sleep need of personality! My first is low sleep need and very stubborn and second is high sleep need and will sleep anytime, anywhere. It does get better, as long as you try not to get them to self settle but so they know that you are supporting them. Wishing you the best as it is bloody hard. Oh and go for a night away somewhere to ‘reset’ and let your other half do bedtime one night.

We have ours on mute until I go to bed as we can hear her anyway but I’m with you I hate the sound of cries through it!!

No this is actually right. Accept that your day has started at 3am and there's no more sleep for either of you, etc. half the trouble with young children is the anxiety, checking they are still breathing, mistaking a cats yowl for your crying baby. Acceptance and trying to relax into it is really important.

My second child was a much harder baby objectively, but because I was more chilled out second time around it was easier for both of us.

We had to pace for 30minutes every night with DD. She had to be asleep and then wait another few minutes for her to get to the floppy stage before we could get her down. Like you op, it knackered our backs and we both needed physio. Eventually we cracked an sleep trained when she was a year old. First night was bad but then improved massively on night two, been great since with barely a blip. They are 4 and 6 now and sanity has slowly been restored for the last two years.

Leave the room, you’ll be a distraction for them actually falling asleep, plus you’ll be doing this for years if you don’t break the habit!

DC2 was like this. I could be there for hours. I had a kindle so could read it in the darkened room and tried to view it as downtime.
He's 11 and tucked me in last night! He & DH were watching some film I wasn't interested in so I came upstairs and promptly fell asleep

@YourSpleenIsDamp don't worry. I've surrendered to it and treat it as quality time. We read and listen to audiobooks while he unwinds. On Percy Jackson at moment. Parents of autistic children become expert lemonade makers.

Ah I don't miss these days. Feels like ages ago now but was only a couple of years. It does end, but is hellish to go through

I still hear a phantom baby and my son is 6 🫣