I have 2 sons, 26 and 24. My older son and his girlfriend have just had their 3rd child. They are fantastic parents, keep themselves to themselves and they work hard. DS is a tradie and his girlfriend works in a nursery.
Last year DH and I sold our family home, it went for a bit more than we expected, we bought a small bungalow with a wet room etc. that in theory we should be able to live out the rest of our days in. I've also given up my job as a nurse, as it was impacting my mental wellbeing, now I work part time as a GP receptionist. We are mortgage free so financially comfortable etc.
Now my older son has just been offered a council house, it's nice and in our nice little village. We've told them that we can either give them money as a house deposit (this is what we are doing for our younger son) or they can go with the council house and have the same amount to decorate it. They've landed on the latter. A few reasons but mainly the housing stock in our village, especially for family homes is very scarce and they are always snapped up above asking price very quickly. The house they have been offered is only a few years old, has nice big bedrooms and a big garden (something the new builds in our village seem to be lacking!) and it's in a nice quiet area. In fairness in our village you can't really go wrong all the council houses are nice and in nice areas, their current two bed is similar.
Now they do claim benefits, not a lot, about £200 a month in UC and I mentioned to a friend that we were going to be doing up their house (well they will pick everything we will just buy it), my friend said she thinks it's unethical as if we gave them that money cash as savings it would take them off of benefits. While I do understand this, I think they deserve a nice home without having to get into debt. They do loads for us, DS cuts our grass, cleans our windows, helped paint/paper/panel our new house, fitted the kitchen etc. He's been with his girlfriend since he was 20 and she was 16. They are genuinely some of the nicest people I know.
My younger son is a hairdresser and isn't on any benefits (no children, says he doesn't ever want any but we will see, he is gay so I think it's just the process/complexity that puts him and his partner off rather than actually having kids). My friend thinks giving him a deposit (and some for decor too) is ethical as he isn't claiming any benefits.
AIBU to think there is nothing unethical about our choice to decorate and furnish their home rather than giving them the money to live off? They both work (well she is on maternity leave but ordinarily), it's just that they don't make massive amounts, especially sons girlfriend as nursery workers are massively underpaid!