How can I help this friend? (Single mum)

[GoodnightAdeline]

Had a text from a relatively new friend (known about 6 months) today to say she’s really struggling with single mum life. She has a 5 year old son, dad not in picture. I’ve offered to take him out etc but am thinking of putting together a little care package - a cooked meal, some colouring books for her DC but does anyone have ideas about what else I could include or do? Thanks

Send her for a massage which you have her DC?

If she means struggling mentally, encourage her to see her GP

Talk to her - find out what she’s struggling with exactly… she might just need a good moan about how tough parenting is… she might be more specific…

if you can - and want to - offer practical help (e.g. ‘I just need a night off ‘ offer to babysit so she can go out )

if you can’t help - signpost - ‘I’m struggling with money’ - signpost to benefits, csa , Martin Lewis website etc

if she seems depressed / anxious - encourage her to see gp

Talk to her and ask her what she needs!!

I’m a single mum myself and I agree with PP to maybe ask for specifics of what she struggles with then you tailer any help you can offer her (and what fits with you of course).

it’s very nice that there are people out there like you that want to help as it can be tough being alone (not taking away that it can be hard with two of you or in general).

Invite her round for a tea time meal. Show her you think she's good enough to share a part of your family life and she's allowed to be in the same room as your husband and she doesn't have to cook one meal that week.

I think taking her kid and giving her a break will probably be the most appreciated 😊

I'd offer to do some batch cooking for the freezer, an hour of cleaning or taking the kids out for an afternoon so she can have some time out. I don't think you know her well enough for those though, maybe? She might just enjoy a night where you go over once kids are in bed and have a chat with some wine? Something adult time only was always what I craved when they were that age but finding childcare was usually too hard/costly to go out.

I'm so sorry, I commented on the wrong post!!

As the lone mum of a toddler, the things I wanted most were for someone to watch ds for a couple of hours so I could go and get my hair cut.

For someone to act as emergency backup, in case I was unable to collect ds from childcare (closed motorway, stuck on train etc) - takes away the worry.

For an occasional adult conversation other than work.

As a single mum myself, the most valuable thing anyone could do for me would be to take the children for a couple of hours (though I’d never expect that as most of my friends have their hands full with their own children).

After that, having company on days out with the children or being invited for play dates helps a lot. I find a full weekend with my two hard-going if we don’t have much planned (though they are younger). It’s much easier with a bit of adult company, even if only for an hour or two. Company in the evening once her child is in bed might also be appreciated and give her a chance to talk without her child around.

And having someone offer to help in an emergency is good. Again I wouldn’t tend to take people up on this unless I really had no other option but having a list of people I could call on if I was suddenly rushed to hospital or similar is comforting.

I’d personally be a bit embarrassed by receiving food and presents and so on though would appreciate it as a lovely gesture. I’m conscious of not asking for too much support from my friends and ensuring the relationship feels reciprocal. That may just be my own hang ups though.

What does 'struggling with single mum life' actually mean though?

You need to explain that before we can really help.

Food and colouring books implies she's struggling with poverty, is she?

Because if she isn't (or even if she is) she may be insulted.