I'm addicted to my phone but have a toddler

[JuliesName]

Name changed.

I have an almost 2 year old DS who I love. But parenting has been hard. He still doesn't sleep through the night and I work full time from home with him being looked after by my mum in my house which means I don't ever get a 'break' as even at work he's there even though I'm not in charge of him at the time.

Anyway, like a lot of 30year olds I'm addicted to being on my phone. On weekends or when I finish work I want to sit and scroll through MN or Instagram or any of the other hundreds of sites.

I play with DS for a bit and enjoy it but also can't wait to get back to my phone. I know I give it more attention than I should and he is probably picking up on it. He watches more TV than he should.

I'm also absolutely exhausted so laying and phone scrolling is much easier than chasing after a toddler. But I know all of this is wrong and I know IABU. Anyone else have this problem and figured out how to stop it?

You need to prioritise your son and so do all the other so-called parents I see who completely ignore their children to stare at phones.

You can put a daily time limit on your apps, with a password. You could ask your mum to put in a password? My 17 year old sets her daily limit and gets me to set the code.

I completely understand this. Put your phone in a different room when you don’t want to use it and try to get out and see people at toddler groups so you get some adult interaction.

I'm the same OP. More addicted than I would like to admit.
Phones are more addictive than people realise, but it's not even our fault. The phones and social media apps have been intentionally designed to hook you and keep you wanting more. That's why so many people sit there mindlessly scrolling.

You need to decide whether your child or your phone is the most important to you.

Truthfully op I'm not sure I'd say you're addicted to your phone, but I think your phone is filling a need to decompress, maybe connect with other people and to escape a little. And we all need those things. So what I'd do is think about how you make time in your week or even your fortnight to do those things in a real sense? Do you have a partner you can go on date nights with? Do you have friends to meet at the weekends?

I used to struggle with this much more when I was off on maternity because truthfully I was lonely and felt a lot of demand on me all the time. It got easier when I was back in the office and with more people and I had a commute where i could phone people or listen to music etc and then be present for a block of time at home before ds goes to bed. I would try and block your evening. So if you know you finish work at 5, make dinner then go for a walk together, then bath, then bed for 7.30. Then I usually do an hour tidy up with whatever jobs need doing (or longer if i get into it but i say I'll do an hour) and then by 8.30 everything is finished and my time is my own to have a bath or watch TV or scroll on my phone. I also in the past used a screen lock which locks certain apps for periods of time so you're not tempted to use them. You could wean yourself off that way?

The key is thinking about what you're not getting in real life that the phone is mimicking.

Recognising the problem is a big first step so well done. I've found that having a smart watch means I leave my phone upstairs and know that I can still see texts/calls but don't mindlessly scroll. Maybe have set times of the day when you're on your phone without a purpose? So half an hour when your child has gone to bed.. its hard, but when you start making a conscious effort it does get easier.

Although when quite a lot of us are on our phones it's school/ nursery newsletters / booking activities & swimming lessons / arranging play dates / organising costumes for the 3 different dress up days we had in 1 term/ buying new coats - waterproofs clothes / researching eczema etc / booking jabs at GP appointments on the new app.

I spend too much time on my phone but I have 4 different apps just for school communications & payments. Plenty of activities to book and pay for that also require extra bits of kit which yes I buy on my phone - often stalking on items eBay.

I go to the gym. I can only book and manage classes and the timetable through their app.

We do all need less screen time and I do think phone/ screen addiction is a real issue but it's also a societal thing too. Phones and apps are the main way to access many services and those who can't or understandably won't use them are excluded.

Ways I manage it are by setting aside times to check things like emails/ banking etc.

I do set limits on apps.

I've deleted most social apps anyway.

When I catch myself doom scrolling I put my phone down.

I use an e reader app so when I'm in the scrolling zone and clock I switch it up and move over to a book.

Like pp said,
It's great that you recognise this.

Ffs, she admits it's not good and is asking for advice! OP, could you turn it off completely and put out of sight? That weirdly works for me. I miss it less when I know it's switched off!

Take him to the park for an hour after work. Make it your time to share together after dinner as the evenings get longer. Then you can guarantee he will be tired out and sleep better, giving you time to relax and him the one on one time he deserves.

Do you need to do all that when you're walking home from school and your child is trying to tell you about their day? I see a lot of that also people pushing prams and looking at their phones, just today I had to stop as a lady pushed a buggy into the road in front of me while on her phone. Good job I was aware of my surroundings.

It’s hard because the phone fills a gap. As a mum you are always on hand, it’s difficult to do something like read a book to focus so you turn to the phone. When you work/ have childcare you naturally don’t reach for your phone because you can focus.
One thing I did was leave my phone upstairs, physically away from me, so I couldn’t mindlessly reach for it.
Another thing was deleting a few key apps, so it’s more inconvenient to scroll.
Go out with a phone, walk etc, everyday.
Turn it off sometimes. People get used to you not being immediately available

Are you addicted or are you just tired, bored and lonely? Does DS spend any time with his Dad? If not can you pay for childcare and go out with friends once a month? Are there any weekend activities you can do where DS will be occupied but you can chat to other adults?

Let's face it, you're at home with Mom and DS, DS or yourself all night, it's not surprising you're looking for connection

I was the same OP. I've temporarily deactivated all social media and deleted the apps. It's helped massively. The algorithms are so clever and designed to keep our caveman brains engaged and I've had to remove it to break the cycle. I don't miss it now, it's been three weeks.

I've also started not taking my phone to bed and leave it charging downstairs and bought an alarm clock. Stops me doom scrolling for ages before getting sleep (and better quality sleep hopefully too)

No judgement from me, OP, but I think
You can reframe your life in your head in a different way.
Your child can show you the joy of small things, you can Spend ages laughing and finding interest in very little with your child.
They show you the world! The phone is just funnelling that joy away.
I am 50+, so no smart phones when my kids were little, but mad conversations, looking at and trying to count the bees while queuing for the lavatory, messing about in airports playing WITH THEM while waiting, making up stories asking g them what they like/what they would do I. A certain situation....I loved their little brains, free from prejudice and cynicism, the innocence and wisdom.
They will entertain you just as you entertain your child. Then it will be gone forever as they grow.
Treasure it xxx

Buy a laptop or a PC so you can still email etc, then get rid of your smartphone and get yourself a basic phone.
That way you can completely break the cycle. It's not for everyone but you won't break an addiction by still using the smartphone.

And how many hours in a day would all that take you?

I was the same. Few tips:

• delete social media accounts, they aren’t helping you.
• do focused activities with phone in another room - even if it’s just half an hour at a time doing a jigsaw, painting or duplo. They will make you feel much better about things.
• take DS on trips out the house or activities where you can’t really be on your phone eg trip to park, supermarket, swimming, bake a cake.
• if you are tired try to go to bed earlier, it’s the only thing that works in my experience 😭

Just put the bloody phone away, it's not hard.

So many kids are suffering because their parents would rather sit and scroll tik tok (and other apps) than spend time with them.

The internet will always be there. Your child's younger years will not.

I scroll when I'm near burnout. Can you get another job out of the house - get a bit of a break and then you'll have more energy to spend with your son. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Theres nothing wrong with scrolling but it seems you want to spend time with your son. I'd work on getting a break/create some separation.

I struggle with this and this would be my tips based on being a few years down the line.

Firstly minimise social media, I deleted a few accounts and mainly just kept one. It also gives less ‘ins’ for people to contact you and expecting you to be instantly available. When you are scrolling ask yourself whether you are enjoying the content. I found most things never even raise a smile so it’s not even enjoyable.

Put your phone in a different room or leave it in the car when you go out to parks etc.

Pick up a book or magazine at home instead.

Look at other parents on their phones, I went to the park recently and all the other parents were on their phones ignoring their kids. I know we all sometimes need some peace but honestly it just looks gross.

I have two small children and these are the two things that have helped me most not to be on my phone around them:

Leaving my phone in a different room, or in the car when we're out and about.

Having a (non-smart) watch so I don't need to have the phone on me to tell the time. In the morning, when I get the children up, I put my phone down on my bedside table and pick my watch up - it's like moving into no phone mode for me and really helpful.

Hi op, I went through a stage like this when my son was 3 after becoming absolutely burnt out with life in general and the final hurdle of masters degree). It lasted about 3 weeks before I realised that my son had actually started to behave differently and seemed quiet.

The only thing you can do is go cold turkey. I left my phone upstairs and didn't pick it up until my son was asleep at night (even ignored calls and explained to everybody why I wouldn't be answering). The first day I did this, I really started seeing him and who he was again and my god, the joy I felt at seeing how happy he was to have his mum back was enough to keep me from going back. Don't get me wrong, I struggled for the first 5 days, like breaking an addiction but it has been liberating.

I now only really go on my phone if I'm at work (I'm on call for emergency's so will often be waiting for a call whilst sat in the car miles from base) or in the evenings when son is in bed asleep.

You can do this op, start to find the joy in real life again.

Bloody ages @Nanny0gg annoyingly. It feels absolutely relentless but I do leave my phone in another room for periods of time and leave the house without it. I'm also pretty shit at checking half of the school apps and whatnot but I'm okay with my phone life balance these days. I do

All our PTA stuff is online persistent chatter apps
& WhatsApp

I manage the grocery shop online on my phone too.

The list goes on.

My point was more that people judge mother's for being on their phone when they're with their kids sometimes but honestly most of the stuff I do on my phone is for a family. And waste time on Mumsnet