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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I handle this parenting situation correctly?

8 replies

Flopsy145 · 19/04/2024 23:00

I was at a pre school visit this afternoon with my 3 year old DD, there were probably about 10 other children there and their parents. Children were wandering around playing while parents spoke to teachers.
My DD was in a "life area" and there was a fake wall between myself and her, I would have to climb through a kid sized archway to be next to her, so I was on the other side but still near her. There was a little boy who was barring her way when she wanted to walk past him so I called her name to tell her to walk around the table the other way so to avoid him but before she could react he pushed her, hard enough so she lost her balance and fell. She got very sad so I crawled through the arch to get to her and give her cuddle etc, gave the child a look but he ran off. I comforted my DD said it wasn't kind of him etc, but did I do the right thing not verbally correcting the other child?
His mum wasn't watching him so didn't see it, I had been next to her while she discussed sen with a teacher and other mum so he potentially may have had sen, he was definitely a bit younger than DD too. I don't know any of the other families and didn't want to get into a row with the mum (she was not the shy wall flower type) and embarrass my dd or make it awkward, especially as we have a whole year of pre school and potentially primary school classes together..

But now I'm having mum guilt and being 6 months pregnant just extra sensitive anyway, I know this must happen all the time in childcare settings, and I have corrected other children in a park before if they've been mean, but I just didn't know how best to handle it today and not sure if I did the right thing by my DD.

If it helps, she got over it quickly and we talked about it on the way home and she said next time she'll say "please stop" etc, and she knew he hadn't been kind. I also told the teachers who were sad for my dd as hadn't seen it and been able to step in themselves.

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 19/04/2024 23:04

It's fine. You showed her that he was in the wrong and gave her sympathy for being hurt. There won't always be an adult there to mediate every interaction between kids and that's fine. Learning to deal with that is part of growing up.

mossylog · 19/04/2024 23:05

You did fine. Ultimately, you can't control what other parents and their children do, but you can provide connection, support and understanding to your daughter, which is what you did.

CelesteCunningham · 19/04/2024 23:46

Yes you were fine. Pushing and shoving will happen with that age group as they're very much still learning about how to treat others. If he'd stuck around I would've gently said something but better to focus on your own DD.

I wouldn't have talked about it on the way home unless she brought it up, not worth making a big deal about it.

NightPuffins · 19/04/2024 23:51

You did fine, you can't be responsible for others' behaviour. You comforted your own child when she was upset and let her know that you understood the other child was wrong, so she knows you weee 'on her side'.
And you managed to crawl through a child-size archway despite being very pregnant!
Full marks to you ⭐️

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 19/04/2024 23:54

I don't see what else you could've done?

You did fine.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 19/04/2024 23:58

Nobody can say that a woman who's six months pregnant, crawling through an archway to comfort their child hasn't done enough.

Flopsy145 · 20/04/2024 09:22

Thank you all for the reassurance ❤️

OP posts:
stichguru · 06/06/2024 16:32

I think you did the right thing, especially if you suspect the child may have SEN. You can't "tell off" a child appropriately if you don't know their needs. Maybe the little boy is not really able to understand that pushing is wrong yet... then your "telling him" might have just confused and upset him. I guess on the other hand though, did have a weird situation once in a play centre: a mum came up and told me my son had pushed her child and she'd been looking for me for about 10 minutes. I was a bit kind of confused - like a) my child is 2, he probably won't remember what he did 10 minutes ago even if I do tell him off! b) I'm not 100% sure that it was actually my child who pushed given our kids are now at opposite ends of the play centre! c) Did he really push your child or did he just jostle a bit as they passed? Like I would almost have been happier if she'd just said to him at the time "please let us pass" or "please don't push" given she saw what happened.

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