To be fed up with in-laws staying

[newtiredmumma]

I shouldn't moan but does anyone else's in laws just grate on them. Third week of FIL staying and MIL about 1 week and I've had enough! MIL comes across so judgy and rude sometimes and I know she wants to help but her cleaning/washing dishes just means me or DP have to do it again properly afterwards. She announced, rather than asked, that she was thinking of taking DC for a walk into town in their pram last weekend - DC being 2 months old, v clingy and being EBF so wouldn't work even if me and DP had been happy with it. And to top it all off last week she announced at a family meal if she had dementia she'd rather die (my DM is a sufferer so the comment was downright insensitive).

FIL is lazy and expects everything to be done for him including meals bought and made by us yet will only buy himself things when he goes to the shop and expects a cup of tea to be made when he comes into the kitchen, there's me or DP holding the baby and juggling to do tea and various other tasks whilst he sits on his arse. He goes to the pub every night, the dogs bark when he comes in then he announces in the morning that DC was crying in the night (no shit Sherlock when you woke up the entire house!) grrrrrrr

Yes that does all sound really annoying and your baby is still so young, which can be hard anyway. Personally I think you need some privacy and space. They prob think they're supporting you... I would say DH needs to somehow find a way to tell them to go now.

Has FiL always been like that or could your husband ask him to be more helpful? Sounds quite weird and as though he's acting like a teenager

Why on earth are they staying for so long? Do they live abroad or something?

I'd be tempted to ask them if they need any help packing and what time shall you call the taxi for.

They've been there for three weeks? Come the fuck on. Tell them it's time to GO.

@wombpaloumbpa I'm not sure, they moved away down south about 10 years ago before me and DP were together so I think the going out ties in with seeing people he knew back then.
We've recently moved to this house from a tiny flat so if they ever stayed before it was one night on the sofa bed maximum.
I understand they want to help and spend time with their new GC so not sure how you approach to send the on their merry way

FIL was meant to be helping with the renovation works here but ended up helping another friend out doing various things

I think I would tell my husband how I was feeling and get him to tactfully ask them to go, perhaps saying you'd like to get a date sorted for the next meet up soon? But you just need some space to get used to your new family life with that baby?

Just because he expects a cup of tea doesn’t mean he gets one. If he asks say to him sure help yourself you know where the kettle is. I’m busy with the baby right now.

Stop doing things for them and making tea. Say instead - ‘please FIL, would you mind making us a cuppa, hands full with baby’, ‘please can you sort dinner tonight and we’ll do tomorrow’, etc. All with a big smile. Make it less of a break and they’ll hopefully either help or leave 😃

Agree. this would drive me completely mental. Is it a cultual thing?

Your husband needs to politely but firmly tell them to go. I’d be going mad at this point OP.

Stop being a doormat, op. If you don't, this shit will never end. Have a very clear discussion with your husband right now and tell him their merry holiday is fucking over.

My advice is to approach this directly. Your DH should come to the kitchen and said that now you want to stay on your own. They would fuss a bit but do it quickly and everything will be forgotten by your child’s 18th birthday.
He should repeat a few times: Mum and Dad, I love you but we need some time on our own. The key is for him to do it without you and always using “ I” e.g “ I think it’s time for you to go home” .
You have a patience of a saint.

@Snowfalling not cultural, male chauvinism instead I think

So why are you tolerating it?

Three weeks is far too long.

My MIL does absolutely nothing! Parks herself on the sofa and looks at her phone and that’s the extent of her activity.

Doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything really, but objects to me going anywhere (even though I just crack on and leave) and invariably complains about anywhere we do go.

Theres a constant stream of waffle, mainly narrating what’s happening ‘you’re having a drink, the dog’s watching you. Now you’re sitting down and so is the dog. We’re all sitting down together.’
If you don’t make regular agreeable noises, she repeats this louder in a questioning tone.

She seems to feel I should be waiting on her hand and foot, but I won’t, so there’s lots of pained questions about is there any ham? Will she find it in the fridge? Will I show her the ham? Take the ham out? Give her the ham?
My response is always -‘ there’s ham, feel free to help yourself……’

My DH is away in the office during the day, hence I leave him to deal with her mainly evenings and weekends when she’s here.

Fuck that. I’d be going to a travel lodge.

Why did you marry such a thoughtless man who thinks it's ok to inflict his monster parents on you post partam?

You have a massive DH problem

OMG that sounds like Kreacher in Harry Potter before he became nice 😂

so you have AirPods? Noise cancelling? Put them in when she starts that up and just ignore her.

They need to go home!
we have my MIL the choice, after a couple of bad stays, of actually helping with the children, or just coming as a guest less often and she chose the former.
so we see her 4 x a year.