To become angry again

[Motomum23]

In order to keep it short I went NC with my parents at 17. We had an OK sort of relationship until I disclosed an incident that had led to PTSD, my parents chose not to believe or support me during this time, I attempted suicide and in the conversation directly after telling my mum she told me to f off and die. 2 weeks later my dad told me to grow up its not like I had been physically hit.

So I went NC, dragged a life together, had 4 beautiful kids and then my sister messaged me to say my mum wad seriously ill in ICU. I decided to make amends of sorts, felt I was healed enough to have an arms length relationship and in the 5 years since we reconnected she sends gifts to my kids and we have met physically twice. Problem is my oldest child has just turned 17 - and all I think when I look at him is how on earth could a parent turn their back on a 17 year old and just send them off into the world. I felt grown up but I look at my boy and think how much growing up I still had to do.

In short I am angry again. Despite the fact that my life turned out well I'm revisiting feelings of anger and hurt and abandonment that I thought I had long since dealt with.
aibu to just pull back again from this sort of relationship I have??

You can pull back at any time, for any reason. You don’t owe them anything and you don’t have to ‘get over’ anything, especially to their timescale 💐

Yanbu.

I had an abusive childhood, but it was normal to me at the time.

It's since having kids and looking at them at various ages, then realising that X happened to me when I was that age that it truly hit home.

You tried, you were empathetic enough to try again when your mum was ill, but you have been the only one looking out for you, and that needs to continue. If it's hurting you to carry on a relationship, then stop.

I had parents who failed at the very basics of parenting (love, care, support). I had a lifetime of being convinced ‘they did their best in raising you even if they weren’t perfect’, and for too long i believed it. Until I had my own children, and yes I became angrier over the years. Parents aren’t perfect, we’re adults who can and will make mistakes. But there are lines that are crossed that may well not be something that the victim can move on from.

It’s not your place to forgive and forget. I don’t believe in forgiveness as a concept, you can heal and find closure for yourself in your own way whilst still not letting go of the wrongness that was done. If backing away is your closure then do so.