To be worried/not know what to make of nursery staff comment?

[Asyouellow]

Ds 16 months has been at nursery since he was 1. He seems to enjoy it, smiling when he arrives and when he’s collected. This week I was told that he was pinching other children and members of staff. It was described as pinching and pulling at the same time. He has done it once before at home and it was definitely painful. It was him trying to get me to look at a toy or reach something. I obviously discouraged it. They said they were just letting us know. I feel worried they are judging me as a mum and that they will now treat him differently. I am also worried as to why he’s doing it? Where has he got it from? Is he going to be aggressive as he grows up? Will they remove him from the nursery if he doesn’t stop? Just quite worried.

They aren't judging you.

Loads of kids go though this stage. Some far far worse!

They're letting you know it's happening so you can keep an eye out and help him correct his behaviour.

It sounds like it's normal op in that he's probably doing it to get the attention or even frustration. They just want you to know so that you can probably remind him at home not to do it. They probably see this all the time as well.

No they won't treat him different many children of this age hurt others as they lack the vocabulary to get their point across.
My DD was a biter at this age she is now a perfectly nice 20 year old who has never had another violent act since she was 2 years old. She had empathy and compassion for others. Her nursery staff all remember her fondly when we still them.

My sister works with kids his age and she's concerned about the 3 year old that says "fuck off you cunt" and the 3 year old that scratches and screams at other kids, and the kids that are hitting and snatching etc.

These kids have had referrals to SS etc and the parents are often the worst and the exact reason the kids is behaving that way.

Nursery are Not worried about a child who's parents are actively concerned their child is doing this and trying to help them learn a better way to deal with frustration etc.

It's perfectly normal to go through a phase like this. He's tiny and it's his way of getting attention in the best way he knows how. He'll learn to communicate with words and to have kind hands as he matures. Nursery won't judge you, and they'd be out of business if they removed every child who went through such a phase.

Little kids have big emotions and pinchy fingers. I’m sure every parent has had that conversation at one point or another… mind you, biters get abit of a bad rapport with nursery staff.

They will not be worried. They’re telling you in order to check if it’s happening at home and so you can help reinforce that it’s not OK.

We’ve had a couple of end of day reports like this and DS always stops the behaviour as quickly as it started.

They're just telling you so that you know. They know he's only a baby. They'll be helping him to learn to stop doing it, just like you would at home.

Don't worry.

You‘re overthinking it. They’re just telling you so that you can reinforce the message at home that he should be gentle, that doing that hurts the other person etc. It’s completely developmentally appropriate behaviour at his age, they’re not judging and it doesn’t mean he’s going to grow up a sociopath or anything - I think we’ve all had those worries at some point with our toddlers!

Little kids don't really understand that they're hurting someone, but it's important parents are aware of what has happened. A lot of kids go through pinching or biting phases. The staff are just letting you know so you're all on the same page. You could ask what kind of phrases they use to deal with behaviour, e.g. "we must use kind hands" or whatever.

Please try not to worry. They are just informing you so you are aware/can look out for it at home and discourage if/when it happens.

He is very little and it is perfectly normal for young children to go through phases of biting/pinching/hair pulling. They don't have the vocabulary to express their feelings and obviously don't understand that it isn't the done thing.

My son had a real thing about glasses at that age. I wear glasses all the time and he constantly used to try to pull on them. He stopped doing it after a while.

I agree with everyone else. It's a phase and they're just letting you know.

Is he going to be aggressive as he grows up?

FGS OP, he's 16 months old

Don't worry OP, children that age do just have phases and they'll be very used to that.
Babies and toddlers have such limited vocabulary and ways of expressing themselves that they resort to some undesirable ways of trying to be heard! I really don't think they would be judging you.

Just keep an eye out for the behaviour at home to try and discourage it further, I'm sure you're doing a great job.

Just be glad he's not 'the biter'

Every nursery group has one at various different stages. Far worse than pinching and not something parents get judged for. Just keep discouraging it but don't worry too much about it.

They aren't judging you! Do you think they think you have trained him in pinching? Nor are they going to 'remove him'.

They have to tell you but they aren’t expecting you to do anything as it has to be dealt with in the moment when they’re that young. Physical lashing out is vvv common when they lack the communication skills yo express their needs, feelings and frustrations. It typically dies down as speech improves. Just keep a close eye in places where he’s with other kids like the playground and soft play, as I’m sure you do anyway, and that’s it.

Probably another child at nursery has 'taught' him this. I remember my DD suddenly pinching and she said her friends had showed her, she thought it was funny until I told her different.

Presumably she was older? I can’t imagine many 16MOs being able to respond like that, or even having friends!

Kindly, you are really over worrying, OP. All the children they have there will have gone through some phase or another of behaviour that needs correcting – pinching, snatching, biting, hitting, whatever. At 16 months this won’t be the first and only bout of undesirable behaviour he goes through – it’s all developmentally normal and no one is judging you!

Thank you for the reassuring comments x