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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be skeptical 15 years later?

15 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 19/04/2024 16:33

My friend met a man from a country abroad online 15 years ago. She went over to meet him and his family several times (all trips funded by her) and then soon after got married. He's from a poor country.

Even though they've been married for a long time now, I am still skeptical about the marriage and often wonder if he's with her for the visa and because he can get a well paid job in this country, which he couldn't in his own country.

He doesn't make an effort with any of her friends and seems aggressive in his nature which makes me dislike him anyway.

OP posts:
skipit81 · 19/04/2024 16:34

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KreedKafer · 19/04/2024 16:41

It's been 15 years. Bit late to be worrying about it now.

skipit81 · 19/04/2024 16:41

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CaptainMyCaptain · 19/04/2024 16:44

Unless your friend is unhappy and asks for help it's none of your business. If it was just about a visa it would have been over by now.

marcopront · 19/04/2024 16:44

After 15 years he probably has indefinite leave to remain and his visa status is no longer dependent on being married.

Boomer55 · 19/04/2024 16:46

Not your circus, not your clowns. Mind your own business.

coldcallerbaiter · 19/04/2024 16:46

These relationships are skewed, but they can work. There is a benefit for both. I think the man in poor country one is more visa based generally though. As long as your friend understands this and does not let him do anything with her funds or affect her in a way she is not comfortable then it’s fine.

SpeedbirdSquawker · 19/04/2024 16:47

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Rude!

OP posts:
skipit81 · 19/04/2024 16:52

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InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 19/04/2024 16:55

I can't imagine why he doesn't make an effort with you and acts off when you're around considering you think his 15 year relationship is a scam.

BodyKeepingScore · 19/04/2024 17:10

Not your marriage not your business. Their marriage has lasted significantly longer than many others I know. Leave them alone and let them be happy.

Ginkypig · 19/04/2024 17:35

Unless you are worried she is somehow in an abusive situation then it’s nothing to do with you really is it.

love is very personal.

loads of people I know are with partners I would never in a million years choose but that’s fine because they seem to suit the people who’ve chosen them! I adore my partner but I’m absolutely positive he would definitely not be the choice of lots of others!

SpeedbirdSquawker · 19/04/2024 18:48

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 19/04/2024 16:55

I can't imagine why he doesn't make an effort with you and acts off when you're around considering you think his 15 year relationship is a scam.

I don't ever show my feelings about him or them. I make a real effort to be nice.

OP posts:
walnutcoffeecake · 19/04/2024 19:43

Keep out of it 15 year their still together and hope they are happy are you having issues in your life and just want to pick at someone elses.

FUBAR77 · 19/04/2024 22:25

OP, perhaps only answer this to yourself, but it’s been 15 years, I think the actual question is how are your romantic relationships going 🤔

Peiple often over invest in others as a way to divert their feelings of inadequacy…

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