So now she wants to meet my baby

[ARB26]

My cousin temporarily lives in oz and she’s back in the uk for a couple of weeks. I had my baby 5 months ago, she messaged me once and that is it. She didn’t wish me happy birthday the other week even though I wished her happy birthday with no response. However she has messaged me to ask to meet my daughter, no mention that it would be nice to see me (after many many years). I don’t know what to think. Our parents fell out years ago but we grew up we kids together. But it’s just the fact she said she’d love to meet my little girl but never ask if I’m ok? Didn’t even message when I had her.

well no!

She lives in Australia, it's not like she could have popped by before now.

She messaged you about your baby when you had them. One single message maybe isn't great but for a cousin, I'd say it's pretty standard.

Didn't wish you a happy birthday: would be a problem if she was your mother or best friend but again she is a cousin....living the other side of the world. With her own life.

YABU

Edit: I see that she didn't mention about the baby. It's one message since the baby. I'm still inclined to think that for a cousin in Australia who might have a million things of her own to handle, its not a massive deal. She is here now and she wants to spend the little time she has meeting your baby. Say no if you want but you can't complain that people don't make an effort if you decline when they do.

Obviously if you don't want to meet her that's fine, but the fact that she didn't contact you about your birthday is no big deal imo. If you aren't close does she even know when it is? Could she be trying to reach out and forge a closer bond now?

Unless there's a back story here where she was mean to you in the past or is a troubled or toxic person then her wanting to meet your daughter is perfectly normal. Some people don't stay in touch long distance, that doesn't mean she has deliberately cut you off, you have just been apart for a while.

I find it really rude when people want to meet a cute baby and it’s clear they’re not bothered about the baby’s mum.

You seem petty. You grew up together, but naturally grew apart as you got older. Thats normal. She also lives on the other side of the world. I don't think its particularly unusual she wants to see your baby if she's in town? Don't you want your daughter to have as many people who love her as possible in her life?

How much contact do you really need?

I have a cousin in Oz and we get in touch...almost never? But when she comes here I see her loads!

Does she only gain access to real life visits by meeting your expectations re messaging?

If you don't want to see her, don't see her, but surely this is just a way of getting in touch with you and saying she wants to see you?

I doubt (no offense) that she's got any massive interest in seeing your baby in particular, but it's what you say if you've not seen someone in a long time, and you're feeling a bit awkward about that and trying to come up with a thin excuse as to why you want to visit now.

Well, do you have the time and inclination to want to meet her?

Every word of this! See the cousin, she’ll be 1000’s of miles away soon enough.

I very much doubt they give a shit about the baby. It’s just polite and recognition of a life changing event.

Presumably she's expecting to see you alongside the baby - and as the baby can't talk I imagine she'll probably chat to you about how you are then.

I moved away from my home area (not as far as Aus!) and fitting every relative in to our visits is frankly a ballache. She wants to make time to see you and your child.

Up to you whether you want to make that effort.

Do you want a relationship or not?

Why do you think she wants to meet the baby? Perhaps this is her olive branch.

If you would like a relationship then accept and see where it goes. If you don’t care, politely decline.

Seems fine to me, but then I’m not particularly close to my cousins, but would make the effort to say hi if we were in the same area, rarely talk besides the odd congrats message for a big event though.

Are you jealous that she wants to meet the baby more than meet you.
You have grown apart for the sounds of it.
Dont pick at it and try to make drama.

I dont see any of my cousins if i bump into one then small chit chat then off again we dont text either we are not close.

My good friend immigrated to Canada. Love each other dearly, but don’t keep in contact much. It’s too much effort and hard work.

life is short, open the door!

Oh see her! When else will you have the chance? There's nothinng to take offense over, here.

I think it sounds nice and I'd be happy for someone to show an interest in my child.

Some people are just bad communicators and not very good at keeping on top of their messages!

I think you're over thinking it. I'd meet her with baby and give her a chance. You don't have to be best if friends but I'm sure she's more caring than you think. You'll probably enjoy seeing her and she can fuss over baby while you put your feet up for a bit.