Friend’s badly behaved dogs

[MistralIV]

I go for a dog walk with my friend every week. We don’t really do much else and we’re not particularly close any other way, but we’ve been doing this for 10 years and live in the same village.
She has three small dogs who are completely out of control.
When I meet her, they run up to me and jump up on me, bark at me endlessly and she does not try to make them be quiet.
When we’re on the walk, if they meet other people, she allows them to do this to them.

She makes no attempt to stop them and even if she does, they take absolutely no notice. She is not embarrassed by their behaviour and seems to think they’re doing nothing wrong.
They have no recall and regularly run away. Once they chased a whole field of sheep and she couldn’t get them back. People were videoing it and I was dying inside.
She spends the whole walk putting them on and off leads when she thinks that they will run off or a dog or horse is approaching in the distance..
Every time she does, it takes about five minutes because she is obese and can’t bend down very well and we have to stop.
She gets angry that other people use the same public walk.
The dogs are completely incontinent and have weed on the floor in a café which she just casually mops up with a napkin. Again she doesn’t think this is bad or unusual. When a lady told her it was disgusting, she was really angry and defensive.
I’m getting really embarrassed to the point that I have said to people on walks jokingly that they are not my dogs and mine are the other three (that are behaving). I have said things to her and she acknowledges that my dogs are much better trained than hers, but she ignores any tips that I give her and says they’re doing nothing wrong. She thinks because these dogs are really small that it doesn’t matter.

I have a large dog who, sadly, has a mind of her own and prone to behaving similarly (except, she would never pee in a cafe). She has been to puppy training but, my partner is not very consistent so all my attempts end up being undone in a space of a couple of days. Besides, the breed is known for being very strong-willed.
My answer? Never let the dog off the leash unless in completely secluded area, remain on high alert while walking and not put ourselves in a situation where her behaviour might cause upset (or, in case of sheep - criminal damage).
Your friend is not being a very responsible dog owner and, if you are not otherwise attached to her, I would honestly save myself the hustle and take solo walks instead.
Did you just want to vent or do you have an AIBU question, btw?

Good grief, you are her friend - have you read what you have written. This is not about badly behaved dogs, this about you running your friend down.

My suggestion would be you walk your dogs yourself, she walks hers, where she can be "obese" and taking longer to bend down, knowing her friend is not there embarrassed . Then you can meet up for a coffee without the dogs.

Your friend does put the dogs on the lead in certain situations so it does sound like she is trying.

Have you ever thought how you friend may feel knowing how you are speaking about her?

Honestly what kind of person does this for 10 years and calls the other not a close friend.

That’s disgusting re the pee in the cafe. Why on earth would she take her dogs into a cafe knowing they’re incontinent?!

And really rude not to stop them jumping up on people. They shouldn’t be off the lead if they’re like that.

Maybe start meeting her for a coffee without the dog walk?

Small or big, chasing sheep is a definite no no. Lucky they weren’t shot.
I’d walk my dogs elsewhere at a different time.

If this is literally the only interaction you have with her and its already strained, cut her loose. Simple as that.

Why do you go dog walking with someone you so obviously despise?

Walk your dogs alone. Let her find another dog walking friend who might be supportive and helpful, rather than sneering and judgmental.

1. You've had ten years to address this with her.

1. Up the pace of the walks so she is no longer obese.

1. Tell her straight that the meeting up for walks is no longer enjoyable whilst the dogs are off lead so you won't be coming again until she promises to keep them on a lead and she can do her own separate off lead walk with them later on.

I know how difficult it is to find yourself in a position where you don't want to be the unkind one, or appear standoffish. I also know that your sense of responsibility leads you not to want to discard someone who wants you to be her dogwalking friend (or another sort of friend) - it's unthinkable to do that. I understand, and it would be for me too (and for huge numbers of people).

Your acquaintance/friend must know that her dogs behaviour is beyond the pale but she's in denial I suspect. She sounds as though a cat, who you can just spoil, would be a better choice for her. But dogs are different, they are very social animals and need boundaries and training so how to get her to see this ... ?

Could you suggest it's getting noticeably worse and maybe find some local dog schools (for small dogs - amazing that she thinks that's an excuse by the way)?

It isn't your responsibility you know, but you are being a real friend to both her and the dogs. Please know that.

I do think it's all right to talk to her about it and know how difficult it is to communicate when someone's in denial.

Catza has good ideas, in my opinion.

I don't think your her friend
I wonder if she picks up on the fact your judging her

You've just decided after 10 years of dog walks with your 'friend' that you don't enjoy them ? 🙄

Just tell her you don’t want to do dog walks together anymore? She should always keep her dogs on the leash by the sounds of it and stick to outdoor cafés.

Dear OP,
Don't feel judged, your comments about the dogs behaviour are entirely justified.

I don't blame the OP for anything except taking so long to say / do anything.

My friend's dog normally would respond to commands but one day was chasing a deer that went into a field of sheep, Unfortunately, the dog was too excited to heed my friend's commands, followed the deer and the farmer shot her dead. Farmers have the right to shoot dogs that worry sheep. My friend was so sad for weeks.

Do you want this friendship to be about more than just walking the dogs? Because if not, and you aren’t really enjoying the dog walks anyway, then I think it’s time to recognise that the friendship is bit stale and try to bring it to a gradual end. Just tell her you are busy and won’t be walking the dogs as much yourself anymore. Phase it out.
If you do want more from the friendship then suggest other things to do instead without the dogs (assuming you both have someone to leave the dogs with?)
’Hey Jackie, would you like to meet up for coffee/lunch/cinema/shopping at some point this week? It would be fun to do something without six dogs in tow lol’.
I’m not a dog person but even I were I don’t think I could put up with how badly behaved her dogs are. It must be mortifying when you are out and about, and the peeing thing is vile!

OK, your friend’s dogs should be on a lead, but your description is just horrible. Commenting on her physical appearance and you talk about her like you just don’t like her actually.

Look in the mirror your no friend.

Irresponsible dog owners should be sneered at and judged. They’re a menace.

I'm a dog owner and lover, but I fucking HATE owners who think their yappy little terrors can get away with awful behaviour because they are "cute". No, they are a fucking pain in the ass to everyone else.

I'd be saying to her unless she can control her dogs properly, you just can't walk with her any more.

Then she has to decide - your company on walks or not.

Could you go to one of those dog fields together where they can be off lead the whole time in a secure place and wont bother the public?

That's a good idea.

I do also think that only a friend would feel able, or want, to give constructive criticism so, in effect you are being a really good friend OP. And you are looking for advice too which shows your positive intentions. It's important not to let the dogs down as well, of course.

Have oyu both had the same dogs for ten years? So are they old or young? She is bu but then at the same time different dogs have different personalities so what works for one may not for the other (re you giving her tips). Could you say to her maybe to just keep them on the lead though? Also maybe don't go into. cafe (with six dogs is it?) It's a tough one op but maybe one of you should just call over for tea instead?