Trying to make it work but not a 2 way street

[bungletru]

Long story, short
bad relationship with in-laws, always have had.
I have tried numerous times to get on with them.
since having a baby things got worse.
so we had a sit down and all aired our feelings, decided we would try again- really try. Make effort to make this relationship work. Mainly for sake of some sanity, my DH, the baby and some peace.

it’s been 5months. FIL is trying and is much better but still can be an ass but we can nip him in the bud and he takes it well.
MIL is not trying. She expects us to do everything she wants and says but when anything comes to us and the baby it’s 193836 excuses, blame on someone else, very little effort.

I’ve had enough. It’s been a long 10 years (almost) and I cannot be arsed anymore.

I know I may come across weak for continuing to try with these people (they mistreated me badly but that’s a long story).

DH has realised she is the issue and she is the one not putting effort in. I overheard him speaking to our friends about how great I am and how much I’m trying despite their lack of effort (surprised me that he noticed)

I don’t know what to do anymore. Feel so lost and just wish we could cut off but it’s never been an option.
my child does not like MIL at all either, it’s quite telling. Still only a toddler but he has no interest in her and doesn’t like her approach (shouty, sarcastic, unkind, not gentle)

AIBU to expect DH to do something now, it’s been a long road. I’m tired.

Personally if i were having issues with PIL - it'd be DH problem to sort and i would step away; i would put in place my own boundaries and i'd live my life the way i wanted to live it without a consideration to them.

You do not have the ability to manage them the way DH does - you don't have the family dynamics, you don't have the history - you don't have the allowances that comes with being blood family.

It would've been nice if your husband could've said that to you actually.

It sounds as if your DH will support you, so perhaps best if you discuss it with him; as @toomuchfaff points out, he has the family history and dynamics to give him insight.
Does he know that you overheard him telling your friends what he has noticed, and appreciated the effort you have been making? I'd let him know how much he is appreciated in his turn; you can move forward, having considered calmly what is for the best as a united pair, rather than planning something specific that you DH should do in the short term.

I’m in the same boat as you but a few stages along. DH has some contact with his parents. DC. and I are no contact.

It may change but it hinges on MIL apologising and changing neither of which are going to happen.

YANBU but I voted YABU because he simply won’t or he would have done it already

Who initiates time together and how often do you see each other?

it may be easier to drift into LC or NC? DH can do whatever he feels comfortable with.

I guess my issue here is that if they have 0 respect for me as DHs wife and DSs mom then if I go NC, then so should DS?
or is that unreasonable 😩

I would say it’s for DH to decide what level of contact they have with your PIL.