To ask what you would do if you were me? (Possible tw)

[Hopefulfirsttimemummy]

I’m coming to the end of the first trimester (couple weeks until my dating scan) and I just couldn’t be any more worried.

This is hopefully our rainbow baby after an early loss, and I would do just about anything to know they’re okay.

On paper; our risks seem low. We conceived immediately. I’m mid 20s, healthy enough lifestyle, take all my prenatals and exercise.

We have had two scans at 6 and 8 weeks and seen a heartbeat at both, baby measuring the correct size both times.

My symptoms have been very come and go which has not helped to put my mind at ease. They were very strong from 6-8.5 weeks and have faded off ever since then, which has made me worry about the prospect of MMC since the scan. You read about it so much on here.

Every little thing I do, I worry about the baby. I do think I’ll calm when I reach 12 weeks but I know that pregnancy is an important time to be as anxiety-free as possible. I’ve had a few nights of broken/very little sleep, and can’t tell if that’s the hormones or the worrying to blame.

With this in mind I’m going to ring the GP today and just explain the situation. I feel as though they will try to sign me off work though as that seems to be their default. I don’t know if that would help or not! I’ve also contemplated booking another private scan, to put my mind at ease, but it won’t change or guarantee baby to be ok and I know that deep down.

Does anyone else have any other ideas that I can implement to relax a bit or any suggestions of what to do in this situation?

I think you do need to speak to the GP as it’s likely your anxiety will increase once baby is here.

You’re right. I’m going to, as I’d like to avoid that.

I have plenty of support and people around me but none of my close relatives or friends have experienced this. DH has, with me, but he’s not the pregnant one now so it’s easier for him to not be so anxious I think.

It is a very anxious time when you are ttc after a loss but it does get easier as the weeks go on. I would recommend an evening walk and maybe start some pregnancy yoga both will do wonders for your anxiety. Try also to treat this as a successful pregnancy until proven otherwise. I've had some losses and I promise it doesn't hurt (emotionally) less if you pretend you aren't pregnant. Also remember that crazy hormones might be giving you bouts of insomnia and or exhaustion.

Actively address anxiety. It isn’t a thing that happens to you and leaves you a helpless victim. Think of it as a physiological process you can manage (the same way you manage being cold by changing your environment).

So build in calming moments to your routine. Camomile tea, breathe in the steam, look at the colour, feel the heat on your hands and face , and taste the flavour. Light a candle before you eat and watch the flame. Put classical music on while you cook.

Stop the anxiety building by actively switching your thoughts to something calming. Every time. Distract yourself.
💐

Being anxious in this stage is completely normal for most. Those first 12 weeks for me were so long and scary, much wanted child and I had miscarried before

If you are really worried I'd speak to your GP for advice and so they are aware of your anxiety in the situation, but I would note that a certain level of it is normal and to be expected

Once your 12 week scan takes place and everything is okay if you continue to worry constantly and be anxious (again there will be levels where the worry is normal) then I'd continue to talk to GP and try get as much support as you can

Wishing you all the best! Heartbeats at those scans are really good news!

Early pregnancy is such a worrying and stressful time - especially after a loss.
I don't think I stopped fretting throughout my whole pregnancy, although I did relax somewhat after the 20 week scan.
I think a degree of anxiety is completely normal. However, if it is consuming you I don't think speaking to a GP (or midwife) would be a bad idea. There may be some extra support available to you. For example I was open to the mental health team at the antenatal department and had regular appointments with a specialist mental health midwife.

I don't think you will be more anxious after the baby comes.

I say for now do what you need to do to set your mind at ease!! If you want to book another private scan, do it. I think you will feel more relaxed at 12 weeks, and when you start to feel the baby move.

I was exactly the same. I had a miscarriage (between my two kids) after seeing the heartbeat, so I do understand your pain. But I was obsessed with looking up stats for miscarriage at every week/day point even before that happened.

I'm keeping everything crossed for you. It's an anxious time - but also don't worry about worrying! I was concerned about this too but stress won't actually affect the baby or pregnancy, according to clinical studies.

I was in your position 9 years ago OP. It is horrendous and takes over your life. I remember the relief at the 12 week scan when everything was ok. I felt OK for a few weeks after that but then anxiety reared it's ugly head again and I ended up off work for a month. I improved and was OK for the rest of my pregnancy but then after she was born it hit me worse than ever and it was as if I couldn't accept that she was here and healthy - I was convinced something was wrong with her and ended up with postnatal depression and anxiety. Please speak to your GP and have support to get some coping strategies in place, I'd hate for anyone to feel like I did!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I would also speak to your midwife. Where I work we have a bereavement team and links to local charities who can offer support

I personally wouldn't go off sick at work as the distraction is probably helpful. Even if your GP recommended it, doesn't mean you have to do it

Also, if you and the GP think it is appropriate there are safe antidepressants/anti anxiety meds. BUMPS website has more info!

Disagree with this massively. I had anxiety during the pregnancy stage but once our baby arrived it was like something switched in my brain and it left.

I was having therapy at the time and the therapist said it was very common: once your baby is born your brain stops imagining anxieties as you can physically see and hold your baby and see that they’re wonderful. I still get anxious but it’s nothing like the ttc/pregnancy anxiety.

Speak to your midwife, you will get help.

Like others I’ve had losses before a successful pregnancy and it’s really tough. My midwife told me given my experiences anxiety was to be expected - I found mindfulness and light exercise helpful. In my case it didn’t translate to anxiety after birth so please don’t think that’s a given because it’s not.

Do speak to someone if you think it will help - I’d go with your midwife first. After your 12 week scan hopefully you will start to feel more confident especially once you can start to feel baby move.