Aibu to be mad at my mum

[smellycat837482]

I'm furious with my mum. For context she doesn't work and helps out with my child. She is supposed to stay with my child at playgroup for a few hours as I am working full time - we've always had this agreement and she offered to do this!!

Yesterday morning she said she was too ill to take him, but in the afternoon she seemed fine and was going out. Today she was fine (she didn't need to take him today) she was out socialising. When she comes home the illness starts again and she can't do it tomorrow.

I have told her many times if she doesn't want to do it, she should let me know and I will get a childminder. She said if I get a childminder, she won't speak to me and get every defensive. She takes full advantage that I have a very flexible job and WFH mon-fri.

Is this the first time she's been too ill and unavailable to you but well enough to be out with friends?

If it's the first time I'd let it go and try not to be mad. If it's a pattern then it's childminder and she can go NC if she wants to cut her nose off to spite her face.

Of course it would be different if you'd had to cajole her into doing it in the first place, but given that this was her idea and she wanted to do it, while you were quite prepared to pay someone else, I don' think this warrants the usual MN responses of suck it up because it's freeeee childcare.

I don't blame you for being angry, but we all have days that we feel unwell. What do you do with your child when she does not take him? Do you have an alternate available?

My friend had a mother that started to behave similarly.

It turned out she had breast cancer and didn't want to say. She died 4 months later.

@Gymnopedie it's not the first time, and I'm happy to pay for childcare as it's getting to much mentally. I can't rely on her.

@mdinbc I will take my child (my job is very flexible) or if I absolutely can't take time off, my child will stay home with me.

@Hermittrismegistus see this sort of thing scares me, I don't want to be mad at her. I think we'd have a better relationship if I didn't rely on her

My mother is quite manipulative, and she's a compulsive liar - I find it hard to trust anything she says if I'm honest. She falls out with most friends and loves to be in drama.

Your mum sounds a right twat. If you really don’t want to offend her, could you tell her that your HV or DP or GP is worried that she isn’t getting enough stimulation and have recommended nursery and that she starts on x date.

Don’t ask her, tell her it”s a done deal.

You need to make other arrangements for your child

It's possible she really didn't feel well. Some things can go up and down. If she's not reliable, and I don't mean normal occasional sickness, it's reasonable to change arrangements. It's not reasonable of her to say she won't speak to you if you did that. It's your child, your choice for their care.

‘She takes full advantage..’ Seems to me you are taking advantage also.

@Pottedpalm 😂 elaborate please?

She takes full advantage that I have a very flexible job and WFH mon-fri

Wow.