AIBU BIL and SIL due next month

[ElsaLion]

I’m not sure if I’m being reasonable or not. DH and I found out this evening from a friend that his brother and wife are expecting their first baby next month. DH’s family cut contact with us last autumn (for the third time in as many years, though it could be outing if I go into reasons why). We have two DC aged 3 and under, and I feel both sadness and anger on their part.

Sadness that my PIL cut contact with their first two grandchildren, deleted their photos from social media, made no effort to reach out to DC over their birthdays or Christmas. My 3 year old is starting to show an interest in his family and grandparents (a major consolation is that we are close to my parents), he always asks after them and wants to see them regularly - it angers me that his other grandparents, uncle and aunt cut all ties with him.

My husband’s brother has in recent years always been treated by my PIL as the ‘golden child’ who did everything the right way, successful career, plenty of money for flashy holidays and lifestyle, married the right type of woman (DH’s family always looked down on me and my family because I don’t come from a terribly wealthy background). His wife was treated as the ideal daughter in law, whereas I was regarded with disdain. Now, their child will be treated as the favoured grandchild, and lavished with all the love attention that my DC lacked.

I’m sorry for ranting. In many ways I’m relieved that we are NC with them, I know how hurt our children would be if they came to know of the favoured treatment of their cousin, although I know that it is my husband’s family who chose to reach out.

Am I being unreasonable to feel sadness as the result of this news?

Grandparents who delete grandchildren from their SM are IMO not worthy of their grandparent title.
You and your children do not need people like that in your lives.

I think (from your limited info here) that you are better off away from them all, hard as that may be.

Of course you’re sad, you’re nice. You wish your children had a close relationship with their grandparents/in-laws. I do too. But the cost of that was us having no autonomy of our own lives and being bullied.

It’s hard. But I know once the golden child BIL has children ours would have been the less favoured grandchild so we have saved them from feeling shit about themselves in the future.

Just explain in age appropriate terms when they are a bit older that they aren’t nice to mummy and daddy, it’s okay to be sad and that they are lucky to have such lovely maternal grandparents.

Something very extreme must have happened for them to cut all contact and remove the children from their SM. I’d love to hear their side of the story. But YANBU to be sad. It’s sad for everyone involved.

Something big must have happened for the lack of contact. But just ignore their news, it's irrelevant with NC anyway.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. Yes we both feel very relieved not to be in touch with my husband's family (deleting their grandchildren's photos from SM was the last straw). To those enquiring about the reasons, to put it simply they told very harmful lies and turned everyone in DH's wider family against us.