to want to solo travel even though I am in a relationship?

[HislilAero]

I’m in a pretty new relationship that definitely came out of no where, I had no plans to even attempt to date, etc. but we really did just fall in love. We have been together nearly 2 years and have shared some great memories, but I can’t help but honestly feel sad about some of the things I was looking forward to doing before I entered a relationship, I like my own company and wanted to go to places on my own, I don’t mean a year going around the world, but just doing solo trips and meeting new people, etc. I expressed maybe doing a solo trip and my boyfriend is really upset and to be fair, my friends said they can absolutely see why and would be really hurt if their partners said that. I’m not sure if this means I shouldn’t be in a relationship? But it’s really more that it’s the wrong time than wrong person but then I can’t even tell if it’s the wrong time, just that I do want everything I’ve got, but also doing things that are maybe seen as something you do more when you’re single?

I feel the same as you. Not sure how to navigate it either. Solo trips make a huge difference to my mental health, I need that time away from everyone but equally I'd also feel hurt if the shoe was on the other foot.

So far I manage it by having 1 solo trip and 1 coupled trip.

Dh and I have been together for 14 years. I regularly go on solo trips. DH does too, but not as often. We're married and enjoy each others company, but it doesn't mean we have to do everything together.

You need to hurry up and get your first trip in soon and normalise it. Else you’ll be years in and then feel you can’t go. Nearly 20 years married and I take solo trips but only in recent years; I wish I’d started sooner.

I started having solo trips after 30 years of marriage. My late DH encouraged it because he knew there were things I wanted to do (backpacking) that he really didn't! So he stayed home with our only just adult daughters and I swanned off with my backpack for three weeks at a time.

I suppose that at the beginning of a relationship a partner might not be secure enough in it to have the same attitude that my DH did. But I loved my husband even more for his encouragement and willingness to accommodate my urge to do that.

I need my alone time do always do solo trips, DP is lovely but we like different types of things
I also like to spend time with my adult DC
This year I will be having or have had
Holiday with DP and another couple
Holiday with DP and adult DC
Holiday with a friend
Holiday with adult DC
Holiday with DP
Holiday alone
I might also manage a few one or 2 night breaks which will be with any of the above combos

I think it’s fine, but maybe keep your solo trips short initially, and make your ratio of holidays together versus trips alone to be heavily balanced in favour of holidays together (eg 5:1).

Him being so upset and insecure about it that it’s making you doubt yourself would be a dealbreaker for me. It’s perfectly normal to want to spend time on your own doing things when you’re in a relationship. Everything I did solo when single I still do sometimes now when I want to, whether that’s going out to dinner alone or to the theatre alone or travelling alone; and that’s true of all my women friends.

Ask him for his reasons. I bet top of the list is that, when it comes down to it, he thinks you’ll speak to other men when you’re away and doesn’t trust you. Pretty insulting.

Good partners want to see us fulfilled and independent, they have confidence in us, and they don’t insist we give up parts of ourselves because of their insecurities.

I think it's healthy to do some things apart, and if it's important to you then your partner should want to support you in doing it.

What is it particularly that upsets him? Is it that you would travel alone instead of going somewhere with him? Then I can see his point. But is it that he doesn't trust you or can't bear to be away from you for more than a day? Then I'd be very concerned that the relationship isn't right.

Ultimately this is your life, and although compromises are needed in a relationship, you shouldn't need to sacrifice the things that are really significant and important to you.

I absolutely love to travel solo and couldn't not do it just to please someone else.

Are these places he wants to go to as well or very long trips which means you two can't holiday together this year? If so, YABU. I would be hurt if my DP wanted to do aa solo trip to a place I really wanted to go to as well, especially if it then meant he didn't have annual leave to go with me as well

On the other hand, DP and I have each had a few solo trips in the last 6 years. So I don't think YABU for wanting the odd trip.

People can be weird about this. My exH would have hit the roof if I suggested this, but he was very controlling and "traditional" (note the term "ex").

There are lots of ways to make a relationship work, just because it wouldn't be right for your friends doesn't make it wrong for you. My late dp and I were like you, we both needed our own space and regularly took individual trips, including me going for a couple of months at one point (a particular trip I'd always wanted to do that didn't interest him). We did experience judgement from outsiders but didn't care - we knew our relationship was strong and happy. Your issue is your bf not being on the same page - you need to keep talking to him about this or it's going to foster resentment.

If you want or need solo time, please ensure that this happens

I also agree that it is healthy to have your own interests & friends

I go to Disney twice a year on my own. Me and my partner go on big holidays too, but my May and Sep Florida holidays are an absolute must for me !
Im not in the slightest looking for any other man etc, I just like ( need 😂) my Disney holidays to keep sane !

I had an amazing solo adventure to celebrate my 30th (train travel around the States) and particularly remember a woman I talked to walking from a ferry terminal. Almost everyone else had said how brave I was to travel on my own (which felt really bizarre) but she said how much she enjoyed it too, and she and her husband had separate holidays from time to time.

I wonder whether he sees it not as you wanting time in your own company but wanting to be away from him? He's focused on the him in the situation rather than the you. There is nothing wrong with enjoying travel alone - nothing quite so luxurious really!

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t ok with me travelling by myself and with other people other than him.

OP people don't grow in each others shadows. Go for your trip he will start to accept it.