To feel weird about birthdays?

[howreyou]

It’s my birthday tomorrow, I turn 27.

When I was a child, birthdays were unpleasant.
My family would generally have massive arguments and lots of alcohol would be involved so usually it wasn’t enjoyable.

I would never get gifts, aside from 2 occasions where my dad was extremely drunk and randomly “spoiled” me. One birthday it was a black bag full of random plastic toys (no idea where he got it from, it was a massive job lot) and another birthday he gave me hundreds of £ which my mum took off me immediately.

Anyway fast forward to when I was a teenager and even my friends wouldn’t really acknowledge my birthday. Idk why but they used to ask me what I wanted for my birthday, state they have got it/ a card/money etc but nothing would materialise, apparently things were lost in post etc. It was weird that they acted like they got me something but didn’t. They would follow through & get gifts/cards for others. I’d get cards/gifts for them.

plus they would always get showered in love and affection from their family so birthdays were always an stark contrast with the way that my family treated me differently to how other families treat each other. My best friend’s birthday is the day before mine and she would have lots of big events/parties and I awkwardly had nothing in comparison so it just got easier to ignore my birthday.

Looking back, I think I just feel embarrassed whenever it’s my birthday. I never celebrate it. But now I’m almost 27, I just feel like I’ve wasted my best years almost? Aibu or do “normal” people not do much to mark their birthday?

I can only speak for myself but I’ve never done much at all and these days I actively ignore that it’s happening. It falls at a funny time of year, and I just can’t be arsed. That said, I love other people’a birthdays, the parties and the nights out!

I think it’s normal as a child to mark your birthday and I’m sorry you didn’t have that experience. I don’t think it’s particularly normal to do much as an adult although some people make it clear they expect a lot so usually get it as a result.

happy birthday for tomorrow. I hope you have a nice day regardless of whether you or anyone make a big deal out of it.

I feel the same for similar reasons. Christmas is the same. I try for the kids’ birthdays and Christmas so they don’t grow up feeling this way. It’s ok to feel that way and do whatever feels right to make you feel better - ignore it or celebrate more, neither is wrong.

Could have written this. Hate them. For many reasons.

I would actually be happier with a zero acknowledgment agreement because then the day disappears.

I adore my children, and their birthdays. They often sing happy birthday to me on a random day and we just go with that

Oh OP, I feel for you!

But I think you may be seeing the past on the present- that people who are lovable/deserving have love expressed to them on their birthday.

But I think it's much more complicated than that. I think some people expect a fuss. Some people make a fuss of others for imperfect reasons.

I would wish for you to maybe consider rewriting the script if you fancy it. Maybe doing something you would really enjoy either on your own or with someone else. To make new memories and maybe your birthday could become something you look forward to because you've made it into something good. Then you send a message outward that your birthday matters to you potentially.
All the best to you OP XXX

Why don't you make up for lost time?
Book a nice restaurant?
Ask your friends to help you celebrate?
If my friend told me your experience I would make a huge fuss for them.
My single mum was rubbish at birthdays (always skin) I was always disappointed. Every birthday. Eg got a one cassette recorder when I adore for two so couldn't record. Got ag b&w telly when I waited a colour one. When I got older I made sure I had a good time!
Saying that its who youre with, not the presents on their own.
If you can spoil upirseld rotten on by our birthday. F@ck it, you are so worth it! 💕🥂🎉😁🎂💋🎉👋🔥💘😍

A massive Happy Birthday for you for tomorrow! I'm sorry that you had such a crap experience with birthdays growing up, it sounds really shit! Even if you do one nice thing for yourself tomorrow then you should definitely do something! I normally treat myself to a massage or a takeaway on my birthday! I hope you can enjoy the day.

I think it's common to feel this way as a result of childhood birthday experiences (although yours is quite extreme). Lots of adults have trouble with Christmas as well.

I think it is what you make it, as an adult you have that choice. You can pretend it isn't happening or you can organise something yourself. I don't rely on other people to remember my birthday, my parents send me a card but most other relatives have died or will only remember some years. I don't expect friends to remember unless reminded by Facebook!

If you do feel like celebrating, invite a few friends out for a meal somewhere reasonably priced or to your house. They will probably be delighted to help celebrate

I’m sorry that you haven’t had good birthday experiences as a child. I hope you have a nice day tomorrow - take yourself off to do something different, just for you. We’re birthday twins! But i’d love to be 27 again!!

I think you need to stop making ANY effort for people who make no effort for you.

People are very quick to pick up on self-effacing people and will very quickly get comfortable with always taking but never giving.

Stop the cycle now.

You can treat yourself on your birthday.

Or if you have a partner, speak to them about how birthdays made you feel in the past and how you’d like to have a tradition of making effort for each other’s birthdays.

Oh op, I'm so sorry to read this.
You definitely deserved to be made a fuss of especially when you were a child.

Personally, I just do something I enjoy on my birthday. I used to feel like I had to do something 'exciting' so if anyone asked about my birthday I had something to say. But I'm much happier to be at home and make a nice meal and watch a film. Do something nice for yourself.

I hope you have a happy birthday tomorrow however you spend it!

I think you need to make some new bday traditions for yourself. What ever that may be. start making plans or let others know you're having some bday drinks.. what ever you want.
Happy bday for tomorrow. I really hope you have a nice day. 🎂🎂🎂🎂

It’s never too late to do nice things for your birthday and they can be low key. My past 3 birthdays I’ve had a massage and a nice meal in the evening either out, at home or a takeaway. I don’t like big events but afternoon tea with a friend or something like that is nice

I never celebrate my birthday. Activately discourage others for trying to do so. Don’t mark any family birthdays either. Find it egotistical. It’s just another day :)

I don’t like my birthday and it’s taken me years to admit that to myself. It’s been a lifetime of disappointing or upsetting ones, though nothing like what you’ve experienced 💐
You don’t need to make a fuss of your bday if you don’t want, but how great would it be to take away everyone else’s power to make you feel shit that day?
You can make it all about you now you’re an adult. Buy yourself the gifts you want, eat what you want, go and do something really fun or self indulgent. You deserve to be celebrated, even if you are the only person celebrating ❤️

I'm sorry about your childhood birthdays. I also remember the chaos of living with a drunk parent, never knowing whether a day is going to take a sudden upturn or downturn. It's not a nice way to grow up at all, and I'm not surprised it's affected your feelings about birthdays.

I agree with the PP who said make yourself some new birthday traditions. They don't need to rely on other people, they can be simple, cheap, gift related or not. Some ideas:

• Book the day off work
• Eat breakfast in bed
• Have a mimosa with breakfast
• Buy yourself a specific treat/snack food
• Give yourself a gift
• Go for a walk/feed some ducks/rent a city bike
• Replace/replenish things like makeup, nice toiletries, candles etc
• Make a fancy cocktail

Basically anything you can think of that would give you a tiny boost of happiness, but that you don't do every day. So eventually you'll be able to say "well on my birthday I always get avocado toast and a new face cream" (or whatever) and it'll be a nice ritual.

My birthdays were very normal and good as a child.
When my children were young we would always have a day out for my birthday somewhere like the zoo as I was the only one in the family with a birthday in the summer.
Now my DC are adult we might go for a meal just the 4 of us.
I avoid telling other people that it's my birthday as I don't want fuss, I have deleted it from Facebook and non of my friends know when it is.

Happy 27th birthday for tomorrow ☺️

Make your own traditions for your birthday

Happy birthday

Happy Birthday to you today OP!

I hope you have a good day and do something nice for yourself. I've been thinking of you.

All the best xx

Thanks everyone, you have given me lots to soak in and think about.

in the meantime…my friend wants to take me out for a birthday lunch which I’m excited for!

Plus some of my other friends will come over to mine later. This will be fun as it gives me an excuse to decorate and get some nice food in, felt a bit weird just doing it for myself!

Such a good news! I'm so glad to hear it!
Thanks for sharing that.