To feel life is going to be very miserable now

[Aorilmsy]

I am a single parent to ds, 2.5.

I am certain nobody hopes or wants to be a single parent but aside from my career, having a typical family unit was so important to me. I love being in a relationship even though I have been fine with ds pretty much alone since he was 10 months.

His dad is in his life in the sense that he pays cms and buys a few extras, he sees him weekly most weeks. But basically my life is nothing like I had hoped. The career I enjoyed is taking a huge back seat as I simply can’t give it the attention I would if I wasn’t a single parent. (Ex absolutely wont do anything in the week because of work.. I’m aware of the double standards but he won’t change).

Despite being paid a decent amount I am constantly struggling for money and stressed about filling the car etc. Meanwhile my sibling doesn’t work and has lots of luxuries as her husband is paid well and her in laws help with childcare. I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s hard not to.

I will be saddled with a mortgage forever basically. It’s so hard on your own. Holidays won’t happen even though I’m paid well over 50k a year. It’s so depressing.

I am too old and have ds to realistically think about dating. I know I could meet someone later in life but that’s a different thing to building a life with someone isn’t it. I’m just so sad about it and don’t know how to come to terms with it? I need to because I don’t want ds being brought up in a sad environment. Anyone experienced this and found life got better?

Having young children does put your life on hold in some ways, but life won't be like that forever! What will stop you having more of a social life and dating when your child is older? It feels a lifetime away but in 9 years your child will be in high school, you won't be attached at the hip, even in a couple of years your child will start school and you'll have more time to yourself.

Im a single parent to a 6 year old so I know how it feels, I can't move away as I need to be close to my child's father, can't move in with my partner because I've got my child to think about, I do feel trapped in a way but I accept things are just the way they are at the moment. I've had this since my daughter was about 18 months so I am used to it now.

Been there with two toddlers. It wasn't the loss of HIM so much as the loss of the family unit and it took a while to be ok with that. I do have a partner but we don't and won't cohabit. It's just me and the kids in the home. I take solace in the autonomy and the long term hope that one day they will get it and be more appreciative than their current teenage selves. I make judicious use of 0% credit cards to provide holidays, days out and general treats to make life not a slog. Let yourself be sad for a while, but it does get better.

What happened with your relationship? It does make a difference as to how you cope with single parenting. I left my DH so I felt as though I’d chosen this path. It’s hard, but there’s no reason for you not to date in a couple of years. You say you’re too old, but realistically with a 2.5 year old you can’t be much older than 45? It must be hard to see your sibling so settled. Once your child starts school it will be easier for you to go for promotions etc and childcare may be less expensive. YANBU to mourn for the life you wanted.

Can you downsize? Get a smaller mortgage? Or even just rent, people stun the idea but it may give you a much better quality of life.

Life changes quickly and often, your world will change when your child goes to school. Comparison is a joy thief.

I've been a lone parent for 15 years and love it! Especially when I read about so many useless men. I don't want one at all.

I am a low earner living in a council flat, I made my peace with the fact that I'll never own a home years ago. I just live in the present, enjoying the now.

Life with a toddler is difficult, I found it much easier as DS got older.