Early fifties, thinking of retraining as a therapist - 4/5 years and £££. Am I mad?

[InkyNight]

I'm stuck. I was perceived as having a very successful creative life, but I actually made very little money and had to work alongside it. With parenting, I just felt very burnt out and deflated. I've taken off some time to reevaluate and look at how I want the third act of my life to look like.

I'm drawn to retraining to become a couples therapist. But the training is intense - counsellor qualification, followed by Pdip/MSc, then I can start to look at the couples courses that interest me.

I feel overwhelmed at how long it could take and the money involved. And I'll be late fifties before I start working in this area - if I get any work!

I feel nervous about it. But I keep pulling back from every idea I have about new direction as if I'm overrun by inertia.

But this is a bold and expensive move. I realise people will say go for it, but I'm a realist, and I just wonder if this is a huge amount to take on, given my age, addled brain and not-everending-finances.

Thoughts welcome!

I had no idea this existed! Thank you, I shall look

Thanks very much - I've DM'd you, if that's ok.

I would look into the reality of how much you can expect to make as a therapist. The only people I know who do this freelance are wives of wealthy men and I assume subsidised. I'm not sure it's a ticket to riches any more than your creative career.

You’re not mad, I’m training (currently four years in, level 4 with TA) and there are people in their late 60s on my course, but you’re getting some mixed advice on this thread.

You are not qualified to practice after level 4 as a PP said. You can work in unpaid placement or as a volunteer, but you can’t qualify for paid work until you have 100+ hours which you only get after level 5.

You can’t just decide to start at a certain level, you have to work your way up from level 2 counselling skills, which takes time.

My course is a huge amount of detailed emotional and very academically rigorous hard work. When you said you have an “addled brain”, are you aware of the theoretical aspects of the study?

As PPs have said there are a lot of costs (financial, emotional, time) to this walk of life and it really is a vocation. I know finances have to add up, but if you’re even remotely “in it for the money” I’d say it’s not right for you.

My mentor sees 20 clients a week on average which equates to about £4K a month income, it sounds a lot but after all the costs associated that PPs have mentioned, it’s not a get rich quick scheme!

(I’m also studying TA if you want to know anything more, PM me.)

Id recommend you attend a TA 101 course if you are interested in this aspect of theory, though it’s seen as an individual rather than a couple’s framework.

Watching this thread with interest. I'm also in a similar position: I'm doing quite well in my (second) career but burned out and bored and need something with more purpose. I'd also like to do therapy of some sort.

I get everything you say. I need to consider it all carefully. Whilst the investment makes me nervous - I know it could be up to £15K or more by the time I am allowed to do paid work - I am driven by the need to do more meaningful work in the final act of my life. I've had TONS of therapy, of different modalities, psychology has played a big part in my creative life, and I'm drawn to it. That said, being drawn to it (and having a circle of friends who genuinely think, and have said for many years, that I have a natural ability that lends itself to being a therapist) and actually doing it is a different thing!

I feel circumspect, which is no bad thing. I guess I could start with Level 2 - which I'd have to do anyway - and see how I get on...

I worked full time throughout the diploma, sometimes using flexible hours and annual leave.

All very good for a speaker to say that.

In the real world people need to compare complete investment costs, ie the cost of training courses, and the lost income while training. and compare it to the income they hope to generate.

Realistically Op is early 50s, retirement is 15 years away, is it better to spend 5 years training for 10 years increased income.
Or is it better to take slightly better than NMW job for those 15 years and have the company give you pension contributions?

The only people I know who do this freelance are wives of wealthy men and I assume subsidised.

This is generally my experience too. But couples counselling is specialised and there’s not as many people qualified with that as there are with counselling or psychotherapy diploma’s, so perhaps OP could make a decent living after she’s completed her training.

My DH is retraining in another area totally unrelated to this original qualifcations and his (mostly very) succcessful tech career. Late 50s, and it's a lifestyle choice for him, and we can easily afford it, so that is not a concern.

He's only just over a year into it, and a few observations (from me!)

• He has assessment and exams to do. That takes away some of the joy of working on something he thought he'd love
• Most of the people attending his same modules are early stages of Uni. There are two mature students in the cohort, but even they are 20 years younger than him. He's very much alone in it.

But I will say he does seem to like it overall, and he's happy with the change.

I’d do the sums but in principle I think this is exactly the point in your life where you absolutely should be finding a job you enjoy/ find fulfilling and which you can realistically do for the next 10/20 years.

Only you know your financial situation in terms of outgoings, savings, future income. But if you can do this without having to sell the house/ dog/ kids to me it seems like a good plan. The only thing I was wondering is if you could get something akin to work experience to see what the reality of the job would be like.

Following this thread with interest as I am in the same position except early 40s. Have thought on and off about retraining as a therapist ever since I was about 30 but have never had the courage to take the plunge- mostly because I have a job/career that is outwardly pretty enviable and successful even if I find it increasingly unfulfilling. Plus it's secure and well-paid. So yes, feels like it would be a big jump. But I totally hear you about wanting the third act to count for something. I too really want to do something meaningful. Good luck in whatever you decide.

@DonnaHadDee - perhaps he’d like to start a thread to share his experiences? (Though obviously the board was set up to address the issues facing women who want to study or retrain.)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students

For the record, whilst my creative career was (like almost everyone in my field) not financially rewarding, I did have a couple of ££ highlights AND I always worked. And my DH has a good job. So, we are mortgage free with a healthy level of savings. I'm sure he'll say go for it. And I've always been freelance, so I can pick up work still in my existing field.

Moving forward I need to make work changes which are meaningful, and have a sense of purpose. Of course, there are realities - which is why I'm here, sounding out my thoughts.

And I feel scared - of making the wrong decision. Of not being up to the challenge etc.

I'd pick something else OP.

I'm a therapist. I have an MA, and I also tutor Level 2 to qualifying level therapists (4, and also L5).

It's a flooded market. Most counsellors have it as a secondary career, or a bit of extra £ in their retirement or such. If you're on fb, join the group 'good enough counsellors' and have a look at how many posts are from people saying they feel duped as they were never warned about just how difficult it is to make a career from it.

Most people cannot afford private therapy, and working for the NHS often requires accreditation (more time, stress and a lot of money).

I can't make a living from private therapy even with years of experience and credentials as a therapist and tutor.
Some people have been trying for years to build up a practice and not succeeded.
I currently work for a large firm managing counselling cases and do freelance tutoring. I am still making under £35k. The work's okay but doesn't fulfil me or afford me the free time I'd like.
Is there anything else you're interested in?

I don't regret it, it's a good skill to have and you can find a job fairly easily in it but not necessarily one you'd want, and it definitely isn't well paid.

You don't need an MSC to be a couples therapist however.

I'm really sorry to hear this. That's very frustrating.

Can someone clarify what I need for couples therapy - if I don't go the Relate route?

There are training providers who will do a qualification in couples therapy as an alternative to the Relate route however, I would get some good grounding in individual work before thinking about couples. It's important you have a good understanding of human development theory (every modality has it's own understanding of how people develop, psychopathology etc), why the therapeutic approach you've studied in works, what therapy is about etc. I do worry about practitioners who do a 2 year part time diploma and feel qualified to work with everything from poor self esteem to complex trauma - and they are out there.

I think first decide what you want to do and why, it's not necessary to have a doctorate level qualification and that's a very expensive route to take, but I also think doing the minimum training to "qualify" isn't ideal either. Look at membership organisations like the BACP and see what their training routes look like. I have post graduate qualifications in psychotherapy and trauma and it didn't cost £15k, though it wasn't cheap either. You also need to factor in costs for books, clinical supervision and individual therapy which all add up.

There’s multiple diff routes.

College/diploma route
level 2 (might be able to skip this depending on the course provider).
level 3 counselling skills
level 4 diploma in therapeutic counselling * make sure it includes placement hours and will ensure full qualification.
level 5 in couples counselling, doesn’t have to be provided by relate there will be other providers.

university route
Look at local universities to see if they offer any degrees or post grads you’d be interested in doing.

I've known people skip straight to L4 and even 5, depending on who they are, what they experience and background is, and the institution/provider.

Id say providers who are willing to let you “skip” aren’t very responsible, imo you need the proper grounding in basic skills to be able to work empathically with people who are having complex mental health or relationship issues. It’s scary how unregulated the profession is and how many counsellors might only have a short, inadequate training.

I wouldn't. I've nearly completed a year that would lead into two more years. Cost me 2k. I did so much research but I didn't know what questions to ask IYSWIM. So I didn't know until after enrolling that in order to do the next two years, I would have to have weekly counselling if my own. The course would be about £300 a month. Then my counselling £200 a month.

I don't have that. So I'm not continuing. 2k down the drain. It has been eye opening as a course though and really interesting!

In general I would agree, but on my BACP accredited PGDip / Masters course, there was someone on it who didn’t have the Level 3 (the vast majority did). She had many years teaching experience, so perhaps that was what got her in instead of the Level 3 certificate. She was also one of the first people in our cohort to get a counselling job in the NHS.