family saga continues

[queenofcruises]

iIts a long one! I've posted several times about the issues i'm having/have had with my sisters and now, although i have blocked them on all social media platforms, i can still send and recieve text messages to them should i need to do so ( and if they desperatly needed my help, i would help).

they (there are 2 sisters involved here) have had nothing to do with my 2 children when they were growing up, my girls are now 22 and 26 and they would not know these people if they passed them in the street.

however, the 26 year old is pregant with my first grandchild, with a high risk pregnancy, shes now at 35 weeks and the end is in sight for her.

these 2 family members have now started texting her, text, social media etc asking very personal questions about the baby, the birth etc. they are demanding that they be informed the minute the baby arrives..

i'm confused as to why? they have shown no interest in my children when they were children, and now there is a baby they want all the information!

both my daughters are being harrassed by them, they are both ignoring their aunts.

I have spoken to my kids, they are adults they can make their own choices about who they do and do not communicate with.

i feel this need for my sisters to have this baby information is a way at getting at me. In my head, they now want my daughter to send info and pictures direct too them so they can lord it over me...

yes, i am paranoid.. these 2 sisters have caused me much harm and distress over the years (1 was violent and the other was my sexual abuser although my children are not aware of this) My daughter has stated she will not send any information to these 2, and that when the time comes, she gives me permission to send them both 1 photo with all relevant info once baby comes.

I have advised both sisters via a text that they are to stop harrassing my children, that as soon as baby is born i will let them know and send them a picture!

am i batshit crazy and being an asshole?

In the kindest possible way OP I do not understand why you are giving them any headspace at all.

Block them both on your phone. Tell your daughters to block them.

How do they have the phone number of someone they've never met?
Block them both on everything and don't give them any headspace. You don't owe them even one picture.

I think given that one of your sisters was violent and the other a sexual abuser, that they shouldn't be given ANY access to either your daughters or your grandchild, not even a photo. Admittedly your daughters are adults, but could it be stressed to them that there are reasons why they shouldn't have contact without disclosing information that could reveal what you don't want your daughters to know?
I think that while they are family, you need to protect yourself. You say you'd help them if they were desperate, why? Out of guilt? You owe them nothing and yourself and your daughters are way more important xxx

i do not know how they got the numbers, they have not come from me, i even refused to give their addresses when i was asked 'for a card'.

and yes i do feel very guilty.. ive been controlled by these 2 for years, and its only recently i have admitted too what extent and stood up for myself and said NO.

I know i am a grown adult, i just need 'permission' to cut the final tie. and that sounds ridiculous I know.

I wouldn’t see it as them trying to get at you. I’d guess that as they’ve got older, they’d be more excited about a new baby to cuddle and make a fuss of, and are only concerned with themselves and their perceived roles as great aunts. Having said that, I think you would be absolutely mad to send them a photo or give them any information at all about the baby, especially with what they’ve subjected you to. And in those circumstances, it’s a bloody good thing that they weren’t interested in spending time with your DC. And if you’re right and they’re just looking for ammunition to use against you, then wtf are you doing handing it over to them? Why would you invite that into your life?

I think you should tell your daughter that you no longer need her permission to send a photo because you’ve decided not to share any info. And block them. They have each other; you do not need to help them and there’s nothing they’re going to help you with.

You don’t have to tell your daughter your own history but I think you should consider telling her that, having grown up with them, neither of them should ever be left unsupervised with a child, just in case she softens towards them at some point in the future or wants her child to know their relatives.

I know i am a grown adult, i just need 'permission' to cut the final tie. and that sounds ridiculous I know

It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. Childhood trauma affects you for life. You have permission; do it and feel that weight lift off your shoulders.

If you’re ready, I’d also consider contacting NAPAC who will be able to provide you with support and help you navigate the situation without disclosing your own abuse, unless you want to do that.

I'm really sorry for what you've been through. I also do not understand why you haven't blocked them and never looked back. If it's permission you need, we all give you permission to block the hell out of them!

I would also consider telling your daughter that your sister is/was a sexual abuser. You shouldn't have to, and it's a horrible conversation to have to have, but your daughter is in contact with this person, and is considering allowing her child contact with this person (even indirectly), and she doesn't know. You don't need to go into details obviously but I would consider saying something like, "DD, I can't go into it further and I know this is going to be hard to hear, but you need to know that Sister has sexually abused a child. I should have cut contact with them already, but I'm now going to block them both and I suggest you do too."

Good luck.

I have advised both sisters via a text that they are to stop harrassing my children, that as soon as baby is born i will let them know and send them a picture!

Why the hell would you send a photo of your grandchild to someone who sexually abused you, has made your life a misery and is now harassing your pregnant daughter? Seriously, WHY?

Also, if I was your daughter, even without knowing that information, I'd be furious that you were even communicating with these insane people, let alone promising to send them a picture of my baby.

Cut these utter cunts entirely out of your life. Block them on everything. Document any harassment of you and your daughters and go to the police if they don't stop.

You really, really need to think very hard about boundaries and assertiveness here.

100%. Also this from @Nagado "you should consider telling her that, having grown up with them, neither of them should ever be left unsupervised with a child, just in case she softens towards them at some point in the future or wants her child to know their relatives"

I'm sorry but your misplaced guilt is causing you to be much softer towards them than you should be. Absolutely don't send them a photo. This would be a strong signal to them that you have weak boundaries and there is potential for them to weasel their way in to your daughter's and grandchild's lives.

Thanks! You are all ofcourse right! Both are now 100% blocked and I'm going to pop round to daughters tonight and without going into too much detail tell her why. My daughter is an adult so I can't dictate what she does but I am 100% confident she will follow suit!