to send 4 year old son to bed after dinner as a punishment for hitting me??

[dozymare]

Ok, here's the story....DS1 is 4 and 5months and quite big for his age. In the park after school, he was getting a bit to "over enthusiastic" with his little brother and peers...By this, I mean a little bit boisterous. He had 3 warnings to calm down and play nicely otherwise he was getting timed out in the buggy. Needless to say, he then "hugged" someone a little to hard and she went flying..I made him apologise then put him in the buggy for time out. After this, he refused to apologise and then hit me!!! I was absolutely shocked at this, as he has never done this before...I immediateley took him home, gave him his supper and sent him to his room as a punsihment. He is up there now crying.-...I have explained to him calmly and rationally that hitting is absolutely not acceptable and that I am very disapoointed. Do you think I am being to harsh, or is this going to be a lesson well learnt???

I'm impressed that you got him into the buggy at all! And to get him to stay in his room for time out!!!
When my DS was that age, I would have had to barricade the door to keep him in there!
If you think he has grasped that you are upset with him and why, you could go and ask him what he could do to put things right.
To a LO of 4, even 5mins away from you seems like a long time, and he probably won't cope with being up there till bed-time knowing that you are cross with him. You might have to become the enforcer, just to keep him in his room and that would be so stressful for you....

I think it's an important lesson to learn.

I also think that all night is a very long time for a 4 year old. Perhaps you could go up and start a conversation with him about how he thinks you felt when he hit you. See if you can get him to think through how being hit feels. Maybe he could earn the right to come back downstairs before the end of his punishment if he comes, say, to tidy up his toys he can then stay downstairs? Or perhaps you tell him to write a story or draw some pictures about someone who gets hit and what happens. And when he's done that he may come downstairs and you will look at it together?

It's more important that he understands what he's done and why it was wrong, than it is that he has his punishment, iyswim.

I think at 4yo the punishment needs to be immediate there and then. And to be proportionate to the "offence". I think a few minutes time out, straight after the naughty behaviour, is enough personally, with a firm chat about why it isn't nice to hit.

I think it is normally recommended that time out is 1 min per year of age.

Thanks Whirly for responding......I have already had the chat about "how do you think I feel when you hit me " and he definately knows he is in the wrong. I really want to nip this in the bud but now feel that my initial shock led me to saying "That is very naughty behavioour and we do not hit anyone and for that you are going to bed after dinner" I now feel that I should carry it out as I said that otherwise will he think I don't mean it....IYSWIM......

BUT on the other hand, he knows I am disappointed and that what he did was wrong....I am just feeling guilty!!

Hulababy - he had already had 4 minutes timed out in the buggy and then refused to apologise to his friend and then hit me...It was my initial shock that led to me saying about going to bed after dinner as a punishment. I have just gone up with pencils and paper and am getting him to draw the situation so we can talk about it...that is a fantastic bit of advise...I really like it and actually told him that if he does that we can discuss what happened and why.

Will keep youposted!

Hulababy - he had already had 4 minutes timed out in the buggy and then refused to apologise to his friend and then hit me...It was my initial shock that led to me saying about going to bed after dinner as a punishment. I have just gone up with pencils and paper and am getting him to draw the situation so we can talk about it...that is a fantastic bit of advise...I really like it and actually told him that if he does that we can discuss what happened and why.

Will keep youposted!

He definately understands cause and effect.......

Am so impressed.....the drawing and story making up really worked....that is such a fantastic tip and I will use that in the future....really helped him to articulate what happened and how it made me feel......

We ar both very happy now!

DM x

is he still in his room?

he is in bed asleep now!!! AS soon as I read Hecate's post I thought BINGO...got him down, he did the drawing, we discussed it then had cuddles and stories on the sofa...Bathed him with his brother and put him to bed as normal.....Don't think he will be attempting to hit me again!!

Thank you so much for all your thoughts on this....Hecate - what a brill strategy, it really worked!!

I'm really pleased you got him sorted and ended the day with cuddles. Soooooo important!

glad you got it all sorted in the end.

while child staying in room all night is not a great idea, i have given DS (aged 4) longer than 4 minutes time out. the 'time out' is for me to calm down and sometimes it takes longer than that!