Stepping away from my step daughter

[Woodendoorhandles90]

So I have a stepdaughter (we weren’t actually married) that is 10 and I’ve remained in the her life since my ex and I split 4 years ago. I’ve known her since she is 1.

Im stuck between a rock and hard place as the child is saying that she doesn’t want to come to mine and her mum has to force to come to me. She’s starting to make up things to tell her mum when she gets home from mine. I also have a son with the same person.

Ive tried to reduce the amount the girl comes down but my ex is saying either she’s in or out. She is causing problems in my current relationship by telling lies and generally just being incredibly difficult when she’s here.

I’m torn because I fear that my current partner won’t put up with it for too long. My current partner has a wonderful relationship with my son but the step daughter from my ex seems to cause problems and take all of our time and attention when she’s here.

AIBU for wanting to remove the stepchild from the situation?

This step daughter comes to visit you even though you have broken up with her father?

Is your son her half brother?

Edited to say, having read the OP a third time I think the answer is yes to both.

Surely the children's father should take them both and you need not be involved

This simply isn’t your ex’s call though. His opinion doesn’t matter.

It’s not that you are wanting to ‘remove’ the SC from anything. You are listening to a 10 year old who doesn’t want to be forced to come to visit you.

Her father can keep his nose out of it.

Broke up with her mother, yes. I didn’t want the split to be so impactful on them.

yes, half brother

Is it up to your ex? Can’t it be agreed with her mum? I think in these circumstances children sometimes want to move away from a person who is no longer their step parent and she’s showing that so let her

She believes that it would affect the SC mental health even more so I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Sorry I see now. I would let her stop coming.

Oh right… so you are the former stepfather.

Still, it’s not up to your ex to insist that she gets time off her daughter comes to you during your contact with your son.

Stop listening to your ex. She needs to listen to her daughter.

I think its really lovely you've stayed in her life and have been seeing her alongside her brother, but I would absolutely listen to her now and put your foot down about this to your ex. She doesn't want to come so she doesn't come, end of story. Be firm and kind, you can leave a door open in case she ever wants to see you again in the future

Well, she has a mother and a father. She doesn't want to come to yours. Allowing her to come despite poor behaviour isn't actually helping her.

So why carry on?

Her mother cut out her biological father for whatever reason when she was younger, I’m probably closing thing to father figure she has that’s why im conflicted

I think her mum needs to listen to her daughter. Could your ex be keen for her to go to yours so she sends both children and has some child free time?

That seems the likely situation.

you know this isn't the reason though, right?

She wants kid free time and you're the way she gets it. Regardless of the SC wants it or not...

I’d like to think this isn’t the situation but it probably is.

She won’t let me leave the door open, I’ve touched on the subject of walking away with the mum and she won’t let me because it would be too damaging to remain in any contact, however small.

It doesn’t sound like there’s a positive relationship there now and if anything she’ll feel more and more out of place being forced into your new life. So I would step away, she can have a relationship with her half brother via the mum not you. I don’t think this set up is doing anyone any favours (except the ex who gets child free time, possibly why she drags her to yours).