I don't trust my sil with my kid

[FTBM]

I could be being overprotective (didn't think it was possible for a 2yro). But my partner trusts his family with no questions about anything however I'm quite the watcher and like to scope people out before trusting or distrusting and this woman (personally) should not be trusted.

So we go for dinner every Sunday at her house. Her kids are predominately upstairs left to do whatever they like (they range from 11-5). I've caught them hanging out of opened windows jumping off bunk beds and window sills and all she says is well they will learn when they hurt themselves. So when I panicked after seeing my 2yro on the window sill grabbed him and questioned everything all I got back was well he will learn when he hurts himself...
I was told I'm being over protective and that my child won't learn anything because I don't allow anything...
now my partner wants me to allow my 2yro to be looked after or even stay the night there. AIBU for saying no on repeat?
sorry for how long this is just needed to get full story here.

You are so far from being unreasonable that you're in outer space. It's nonsense to think that young kids will learning anything by falling out of a window and hurting themselves. Just tell them that there will be no sleepovers till your child is at least 10 years old. And don't leave your wee one with them now. Your partner should be backing you up on this so you are united in what your SIL is told.

5-11 year olds shouldn't really be left alone with a toddler. They are bound to get up to stuff that a 2 year old isn't ready for even if it inane especially dangerous for them

Nope. I wouldn’t let it happen either. She can’t (or won’t) protect your child.

It sounds like SIL's place is the sort of house where, whatever day or time you happen to be there, kids of all ages are constantly running around, jumping all over furniture, breaking stuff, screaming, fighting, playing ball games indoors and generally causing complete chaos, with one of the younger ones always bursting into tears, and with about six different entertainment devices all on full volume at the same time.

Anyway. The moment you mentioned small children hanging out of windows I knew YANBU. Why is your SIL so desperate to have your two-year-old staying overnight anyway? He's two; it's not like he's going to get anything out of a night in a house with a bunch of school-age kids running riot around him.

Erm YANBU. I had a boy on my school run who's 18 month old sister fell out of a second story window breaking both legs and a hip! She was very lucky she didn't die. Social services were already heavily involved with the family as mum and dad were being investigated for neglect. Teachers even asked us to pass messages onto parents about the boys uniform being in poor condition 😕 that lad was traumatised by what happened to his baby sister 😢 it took seconds.

A child in my family died from falling out of an upstairs window, no you are not being overprotective.

Toddlers and windows.....absolutely not.

YANBU and your partner is a fool. He wants to hand your toddler over to this idiot just because she wants to have him overnight? Fuck that.

Are these upstairs windows and what do you actually mean by hanging out

Social services. ASAP

Upstairs windows that normally open from the bottom, moving outward. I've seen plenty of people talking to people in gardens from them in my street. Younger people can lean out of them if they can't see out. Sometimes they climb up to get a better view. Some people have beds against windows. If it opens outward it becomes much easier to fall out when little....

You can get specialist locks that have a cable wire on the inside to stop it from opening as far (which is what we have as my DS has ASD/ADHD and has no concept of danger)

2 year olds don't get anything out of a sleepover. He needs his routine, end of. Random relatives don't have some god given right to have your children sleep over. Who the fuck wants a sleepover with a 2 year old anyway? Stand firm.

Do you ever offer to do any hosting? It's exhausting cooking dinner every week, especially when the recipients are so ungrateful.

Ignore the stickers covering the rust of the window latches and the local authority on next doors bin but the difference in a wide open bottom opening window and a cable lock window....

Oh absolutely not would I leave my child with this irresponsible woman
Good grief she's an absolute nightmare

I'm generally of the opinion that kids learn by falling but that is when running too quickly and not looking where they are going and getting a scuffed knee and not a fall from a windowsill! My 3 yo like sitting on the window and looking outside but that is with us stood next to her and ensuring the windows are locked with the key kept away from the window as she learnt how to put keys into locks and unlock them at 2!

Isn't it interesting how a lot of 'free range' parents are allowed to pass comment when they feel other parents are too 'anxious' or 'uptight' but woe betide you comment on their parenting! Seen it time again in my family and been on the receiving end a few times too.

You're not wrong OP, yes we want children to learn to risk assess for themselves but there's a balance!

YANBU

A young child on the road opposite mine fell out of an upstairs window a few years ago and died. It still plays in my mind and DS is 8

Agreed. You are not being unreasonable. You have common sense. Something SIL is clearly lacking.

Some lessons are too hard to learn. That's why we protect our babies and children from stairs, heights, roads etc.

Hell 👎 No

She is 🙄 allmost frightening brain dead stupid and Shameless can't be arsed type,

It's a miracle her children haven't had any serious accidents or near misses yet,

Accident and emergencies waiting to happen

I bet social services have quite a lot to do with her over the years...

Yes, mind you there was a thread on here where it got quite competitive over who's child could navigate the stairs the earliest and boasts of never having had a stair gate. I was quite surprised actually.

Say what?

OP can you clarify what sort of windows the kids were hanging out of? Was it the 11 year old leaning out a window with a window restrictor on? Or was it the 5 year old hanging like a monkey?

Because there are massive differences.

To a point, I do agree that kids need to learn for themselves in some circumstances.