To think there's an argument for texting for a few weeks before meeting up to get a feel for the person ?

[bloodyhellsbell]

Is there?
I'm meeting a date for the first time this weekend. We've been chatting on WhatsApp for two weeks and have gradually got a feel for eachother .. so no big intrusive questions , nothing sexual or inappropriate , just a gradual online chat getting t know one another
And it's been enjoyable .
I would have met earlier but he definitely wanted to be sure he wanted to meet up, first by getting to know one another lightly .
Are there bad flags here or has this worked for anyone else ?
I accept that there May be nothing between us but am still hopeful!

[BobbyBiscuits]

You'll see when you meet him won't you?
Some people never actually really want to meet, or are not single. Those are the only things you might find out that are really bad. That and he's an axe murderer. Lol. I think you should just wait and see and you say you like him so far, so I'm sure it'll be fine.

[burnoutbabe]

I just didn't see the point of texting a ton. Just meet up asap

Avoids time wasters who don't want to meet

Or wasting too much time investing in someone you don't fancy or vice versa

But i was in London so very easy to meet for drinks post work in the week.

[bloodyhellsbell]

We are a great distance from each other, both with very busy lives so while he has suggested travelling to my city which would be a seven hour return journey for him, I prefer to meet half way. We text a few times a day and check in and out and my thoughts are even if there's nothing there, we will enjoy a nice morning together I expect, as neither of us are short of chat about shared interests !

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Chemistry is important so I think meeting up is sooner rather than later.

However, 7 hours away? What's the hope?

[bloodyhellsbell]

We are three and a half hours away from eachother approx. Hope is an LDR for me ... twice maybe three times monthly meet ups .

[Thepeopleversuswork]

When I was doing OD I met quite a few timewasters who in various ways would give good text but never wanted to meet.

I think it can provide perfect cover for fantasists, people who like the idea of romance but don’t actually have the bottle for it and people who aren’t actually single.

One guy in particular I really thought I clicked with and he endlessly procrastinated about meeting while messaging constantly. There was always a really good reason why he couldn’t. I can’t be 100% certain but I am pretty sure it retrospect he was married or entangled in some way.

There’s nothing wrong with messaging intrinsically but it just delays the process if getting to know someone. I can’t see why you would do that if you weren’t having doubts.

[Needanewjobsoon]

I'd say that's not likely sustainable long term?!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Thepeopleversuswork

When I was doing OD I met quite a few timewasters who in various ways would give good text but never wanted to meet.

I think it can provide perfect cover for fantasists, people who like the idea of romance but don’t actually have the bottle for it and people who aren’t actually single.

One guy in particular I really thought I clicked with and he endlessly procrastinated about meeting while messaging constantly. There was always a really good reason why he couldn’t. I can’t be 100% certain but I am pretty sure it retrospect he was married or entangled in some way.

There’s nothing wrong with messaging intrinsically but it just delays the process if getting to know someone. I can’t see why you would do that if you weren’t having doubts.

I refer to these types as 'danglers'.

[NeurodivergentBurnout]

It was 10 days for me and my OH from matching to meeting. I don’t think it’s wise to jump straight into a date but my past experience says if they drag it out too long they don’t really want to meet. Can lead to a false impression too!
Do you not have any concerns about the distance with this guy? I live an hour’s drive from my OH and that’s doable because we are only free EOW but 7 hour round trip? Busy lives and very long distance would be extremely challenging.

[bloodyhellsbell]

May be not sustainable long term but it's all I want right now ...
Hoping he's not a dangler but we'll soon find out if he comes up with an excuse not to meet !
In which case I'll end the exchanges , I think.

[EmilyTjP]

Absolutely pointless starting anything with someone 7 hours away! Jesus Christ.

[Robinkitty]

I mean it could work out.. I’d really enjoyed texting a guy and liked his pictures, once I met him in person I knew in a second I didn’t fancy him in real life. Have you had any video dates? That might be a good start whilst your waiting to meet..

[bloodyhellsbell]

Again, he's not seven hours away!
It's a seven hour round trip .

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Robinkitty

I mean it could work out.. I’d really enjoyed texting a guy and liked his pictures, once I met him in person I knew in a second I didn’t fancy him in real life. Have you had any video dates? That might be a good start whilst your waiting to meet..

They did a study once where they sent worn men's t-shirts to (I'm assuming straight) women to see if they could tell by smell who they'd like. It was pretty accurate. Smell is more important to humans than pictures.

Sniff someone's neck, you'll know. It's why you should meet up.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Well it's sometimes the best bit, so just enjoy the texting, and if nothing comes of it, well, you enjoyed the texting.

The mistake is only if you make it more than it is.

[Saymyname28]

If you're after a long distance relationship then I guess texting compatibility is important so it makes sense for you personally.

For me, I'd find it boring and a waste of time. I can get along with anyone over text, feeling comfortable in person and sexual compatibility are much more difficult and much more important to me. I met DP the day after we met online. Before he met DS we'd only see eachother 1-2nights a week but we texted and called pretty much all day every day outside of that. Now we live together, are building a house together and raising a family together.

[littlebitstuck2024]

I wouldn't talk to anyone for longer than a few days maximum before suggesting meeting for a quick drink. You don't know if you like them until you meet in person, everyone seems nice in their messages.

I also set my filters to a maximum of 15 miles away. I live a busy life, I don't want to end up travelling for ages just to see someone. I don't have the time for all of that faffing. I want a man that I can meet up with spontaneously for casual drinks after work or whatever, I don't want to have to plan everything. It would feel like a chore or an obligation.

If he lives 3 hours away, you're buggered if you meet and don't like him, it would be a wasted journey and a lot of wasted time. If he lives closer and you don't like him, you've wasted like 30 minutes or an hour if you're being polite.

[BoxOfCats]

It also means that people who have lied on their profile get found out very quickly before you waste much more time on them. I had a couple of those!

[2Rebecca]

For platonic friends chatting nicely and getting on is fine, for a potential sexual partner fancying them and sexual chemistry is far more important than shared interests. So many people have outdated photos I think meeting up and talking in person asap saves a lot of time. I hate phones and endless texting too

[Anothercr]

I think a couple of weeks is ideal. Less time, and you don’t know anything about them, which is the entire point of OLD, in my opinion. Much longer, though, and you end up with a pen pal.

I hope it goes well for you!

[PicaK]

Be aware. Chances are he's had several people he's been messaging. He's already met up with the nearer ones. Noone new come along so now he's meeting you.
I might be wrong but you asked about possible red flags and that would be mine. A lot of men use a scatter gun approach.

[bloodyhellsbell]

Gosh @PicaK I'd like to think he doesn't think so little of me and presents as decent as he does online, when we meet !

[Bansheed]

OLD for me, led to only texting for a few days and the a coffee/ date zero meet up. Learnt the hard way after around eight horrendous drinks or dinner dates. 17 attempts before I met DH.

You have such misplaced hope while you chat/ until you meet them, so I just reduced that time.

[BunInTheOven3]

I think this is fine, especially when there’s a distance involved. However it can become very frustrating and boring if you end up doing this repeatedly with lots of different people who don’t work out for whatever reason (I speak from experience).

[NeurodivergentBurnout]

@littlebitstuck2024

I wouldn't talk to anyone for longer than a few days maximum before suggesting meeting for a quick drink. You don't know if you like them until you meet in person, everyone seems nice in their messages.

I also set my filters to a maximum of 15 miles away. I live a busy life, I don't want to end up travelling for ages just to see someone. I don't have the time for all of that faffing. I want a man that I can meet up with spontaneously for casual drinks after work or whatever, I don't want to have to plan everything. It would feel like a chore or an obligation.

If he lives 3 hours away, you're buggered if you meet and don't like him, it would be a wasted journey and a lot of wasted time. If he lives closer and you don't like him, you've wasted like 30 minutes or an hour if you're being polite.

I’d set my filters to a similar distance but I did Bumble banter and they did a ‘can’t find anyone in your area, let’s look further afield’ and he’s the one I actually liked after months doing OLD! 😂