To ask if there was ever a time in your life

[AquaBee]

When everything was perfect and just as you wanted it to be ?

I am late thirties now and have never felt this way except maybe when I was about seven or eight years old.

Yes - under the age of 8, before we moved house / area.

And then again when my DS was little, but past the “newborn arg” stage.

This really. I basically live my life in this state, changing things as necessary when they’re not working for me any more, to soon get back to this state.

It’s a lot to do with perspective. Both of these statements about my life are true:
• I am excited about work. My 3 kids are joyous and delightful and make every day better. I couldn’t ask for more from my husband. I have time for myself and loads of fun things to do, some amazing things coming up this year. I like myself and my tenacity and people like me etc etc etc
• I am in constant pain every day. We have no family support at all. The kids stress me out and mess up the house every day, it’s a constant battle to keep things ticking over. We can’t have nice things as someone just ruins them. Family meals are a daily nightmare. Etc etc etc

A lot of it comes down to perspective IMO.

I’m pretty close now. I do suffer from some anxiety but I’m sort of learning to cope with it. Happily married, happily child-free by choice. Love where I live, love my job, family nearby. Not rolling in money but comfortable enough to not be worrying month to month. I don’t want to live a flashy life with big cars and mansions and holidays to Dubai.

I consider 'moments'. Moments of perfection & tranquility and I'm in awe when they happen, everything is just as it should rather than perfect seasons of life, I've never had that.

It was in Jersey in the Summer of 2015 with my husband swimming in the sea off Beauport Bay and it was just magic. That afternoon my life was absolutely golden 🤩
Age 48 at the time, kids grown up.

1997. The music of that year was chef's kiss, and I had amazing friends around me (still have most of them). I was early twenties. Then I got married, and every year since then got progressively worse as in the bad outweighed the good (divorced, multiple kids some with issues, then domestic violence and custody battles) Now I may have one day every few months where it all feels rosy, however life circumstances predict it will continue to get worse though I remain hopeful I have not had the best day of my whole life yet. I've started to try and practice gratefulness each day but my karma seems to balance on a knife edge. I was asked to sack someone at work... did it and then knocked into a family heirloom and smashed it...

Most of my life has been easy going and content. I've had a few runs were it felt like every single metaphorical traffic light was on green - but they can't last forever, can they?

Yes. I was 32. The strange thing was, I knew it at the time. I remember thinking, this is it now, if this was the end of my life, there's nothing more I wanted. Not in a morbid way, just complete. I also knew it wouldn't last, and I was right. 22 years on I've had horrible times and lovely ones, but never that perfection again, and nor will I, as some of the people who made it that way are gone, and not having them there will stop perfect ever happening again.

17. I have flashes of it here and there. But 17 was my year 🥰

I feel like this most of the time. Not that things are completely perfect- I’d like to lose some weight, for example- but that the big things are- I’m very happily married, lovely children, a good job, we’re all healthy and love each other, etc. I’m very aware of the fact that these things might not always be true and that I might at some future point look back on now as a blessed time, so I try to appreciate that in the present as well.

Yes now, mid 60s. But only on Wednesdays and weekends.

No. I have had brief moments of happiness, but real happiness, for months or years on end, never. It has been a very unhappy life - dysfunctional/enmeshed family filled with trauma, shit genes that left me prone to anxiety and depression, terrible MH problems in my teens, etc. Too late now. Some people are lucky, some aren’t. So it goes. Frankly, I wish I hadn’t had to go through it at all.

Lots of moments like when your lay on a beach thinking life doesn’t get much better than this.
But general a few years ago when I first met ex-DP and was all loved up and in a happy bubble…until he cheated.

I suspect that people are interpreting the question differently from each other.

Like @50yearsfreedom I've had days when I've just taken 30 seconds to look around and think "life is good" at virtually all stages of my life.
But I'm looking at the important things in life. As 50 years said - of course we've all got things that, given a choice, we'd perhaps have different (maybe things about our appearance or our salary or whatever) but it's the sitting back in the sunshine appreciating 'how lucky you are to have healthy dc and be able to spend a day at the seaside' moments that I think are 'perfect'. The family get togethers, or the fact your adult dc has found such a lovely partner, or when you hug your dh or your dc after perhaps hearing something awful on the news, or even something that happened to someone you know - you look around and appreciate all the good things.
I can't say that 'Life was perfect' for the year when I was 27 or 33 or 52 or any other year - life isn't like that. But it is a lot more about how you interpret the question.

No, there's not a perfect anything I'm aiming for. Everything a person can have is ephemeral, even if it seems otherwise.

I make plans, like anyone, but I'm conscious of that and that everything can change unexpectedly in a moment. I've been reminded of it many times. Take care you're not being unappreciative of all the things and people who are important to you.

What do you feel isn't good enough @AquaBee

Yes. The pandemic from March 2020 to the following Spring. The sun shone endlessly, no one had to work, and it was a succession of huge gratitudes for small positives IME.

Nothing will ever compare.

I'm aware that now is probably a golden period of my life - our kids are young and love us simply and unconditionally. Anything can still be fixed with a hug and a biscuit. My parents are still in good health and I can still rely on them rather than them relying on me, which I know may be coming up in the next decade or so. My husband and I are doing well in our careers and are in good health. I'm self employed and can be with our kids as much as we need. I love going to all the little toddler groups and being there for our oldest after school. Our life is secure and stable. We don't have much money but we have what we need. To me, this is the golden age, and I try to appreciate life every day because I know how quickly it can change. If I think too deeply about it, it makes me sad that life could be downhill from here, so I try to just appreciate!

Yes. This is life. Appreciate the now.

A few years late 30s/early 40s. It was bliss. It'll never happen again but I'm so glad I had those glorious years.

Yes, just driven back from dropping DS at Uni was thinking how happy I was :
in 1986 aged 10- enjoying being child but with lots of freedom loads of friends no academic pressure
in 1996 aged 20 - young and free and fairly gorgeous if I say so myself
in 2004 on maternity leave looking back at pictures I was just glowing.
2012-2020 Good job, enough money DCs at lovely ages (late primary, early secondary)
2020-2022 Was rough but things are better again now.

That's beautiful @YouAndMeAndThem

I remember being at your stage and not fully seeing what a golden time this was. It's wonderful you can see it. At that stage I had some really good local friends, through various ways (was never a mum & toddler parent group kind of Mum) that were parents but we had other interests we clicked over. My job didn't take over evenings/weekends, dc were in such a lovely stage and while I'd never call grandparents easy per se, it was a good time for them and for their time in the dc's lives.

I have more dc now, but add in ailing grandparent (though won't admit this), a work role that never ever ever ends, significant expectations from a manager who doesn't ever switch off, a child with high medical needs, and issues for teens that aren't terrible, but aren't easy, and I miss those far more carefree days you mention. I'd go back if I could. It was a very golden time in our lives.

And I should clarify it isn't the high medical needs that is stressful in itself, it's the systems, cutbacks, waitlists, etc.

When I was in primary school.

My family was much larger. I had lots of friends. I lived in a village so had a lot of leeway to go and play at the park or in the stream without adult supervision. My school was everything to me. I loved going there. Maybe now, in my 40s, I may be only remembering the good things but I was happy.

Friends who are about 15 years older than me say the second golden years/golden time is dc adult and out the house, with their lives going well, grandchildren without unrealistic expectations of caregiving, and still well enough to enjoy life. For many this is late 50's - late 60's or so.