Feeling Jealous

[Createausername1234]

I am going through a lot of different emotions right now and jealousy is one of them. Sorry long post for context before I get into jealousy bit..
I have been married for 13 years, have a 6 year old daughter. We tried for a second child 2 years ago. I was the one who really wanted to have a second child, my husband not so much. While trying for 2nd child, learned that he has some health issues due to which we will not be able to have a baby naturally. We both work corporate jobs. I am the higher earner because I have always pushed myself (wanted to say I am not particularly intelligent or anything), and so the stress that comes with this job is very high. 2 years ago, I did request my husband to lean in a bit more career-wise, so I don't have to work as hard, he agreed. I don't see any signs of this although he is a very very intelligent man. I have accepted the fact that I will have to work this hard for the rest of my life and will never have a second child (my husband has anger issues as well, I don't think bringing another child into this world is a good idea). What is really bothering me is his brother and his family who seems to have it all. The have 3 girls expecting 4th child this summer, living in a massive house, she is a stay-at-home mom.
I am a person who feels happy for others having good things in life, I have some good friends and I feel happy for them when they have things in life - my close friends have 2nd children and I adore them. I don't particularly bond with my SIL (brother's wife) because whenever she got a chance, tried to cause rift between me and MIL. I talk if I am on video calls etc. but that is about it.

I can't help but feel jealousy towards her. The worst part is I couldn't help shake-off this feeling that the more shrewd you are, the better your life would be!! Please help how to overcome this feeling, I am not in a great place!

If you are both in corporate jobs you must be in a good financial position. Why do you need to work in a stressful high powered job for the rest of your life? Could you not wind it back a bit at some point or reduce your hours or get a different job? Feeling you need to be wealthy is not the same as needing to be wealthy.

Thank you CallMikeBanning for your reply. I have spoken to my husband about extending my maternity when my daughter turned 1 when it was time to go back to work, he refused it. Anyway, few years later, we bought a larger home and now it will not work in our favour if we reduce our take home pay, especially now considering the living expenses etc.

You have to work out what’s more important to you. At the moment you’re jealous of all kinds of competing things. You’re jealous of SIL’s massive house, but the reality of a massive house is that if you want one you’re stuck in the sort of job you need to have to pay for one. You’re jealous of her bigger family but have chosen to stay with a man with anger issues where more children would be inadvisable.

You can leave your marriage and find happiness and you can downsize your house and therefore your job accordingly. There are choices, and thinking to be done. I wonder how much of your jealousy is about feeling trapped, and how much of it would subside once you didn’t?

Thank you ComtesseDeSpair . I have contemplated leaving marriage multiple times. His anger issues get better sometimes which gives me hope and then it relapses. On Saturdays, I am anxious to go downstairs fearing an argument.
My parents are from a different culture, very old, old-fashioned values and the idea of daughter getting a divorce will not go down well. My daughter also likes the non-angry mode father. Hence, I have decided to put up with my relationship until my daughter is 17, out of nest. Then, I will be a free bird and will never ever date/marry again and live a free life!! I feel men are different once they marry you behind closed doors and every time I see a well-behaved man in office, I think he must be putting on a pretentious show to look good in office and will be just the opposite at home. I do not trust men anymore..you made me open up more than the jealousy bit..so many things on my mind..
I have taken therapy too..it helped a bit..

I think maybe you need to go back to therapy. What you’re posting you think about men is quite disturbing and very unhealthy. Men are just people like women, and th4 fact your husband is bad doesn’t mean he represents all men, he doesn’t.

im sorry you’re envious of your sil. Or that you feel unable to leave your marriage, or that you’ve made financial choices that mean you need to keep working, therapy may help you work through your life choices and circumstances.

You are right, I need therapy!

How you're feeling now is completely valid. Although you have many things in your life to be grateful for, you're grieving the life you thought you would have (another child, not having the financial burden of being the higher earner etc), so it's natural to feel envious of others who appear to have it all. Just know that no one else's life is ever as perfect as they may make it appear.
I think retrying the therapy is definitely a good idea. And take some time to think about what can make you happy in life. Put yourself and your own needs first for a while, especially while you heal from the emotional pain of not having the life you had hoped to have xx

The more children you have, the more stressful life gets.

The environment you're raising your daughter in is grooming her to choose partners who are just like her father, and the cycle will continue.

You don't have to live like this and your parents have fuck all to say as to how you live your life.

My parents are from a different culture, very old, old-fashioned values and the idea of daughter getting a divorce will not go down well.

And? What will they do, have a temper tantrum? Think about it, op, it's absolutely insane that one of the main reasons you're staying in this toxic marriage is because of what your parents may say.