Wedding ring dilemma

[userfornow]

Maybe more of a WWYD than an AIBU...
Me and DP are getting married late this year in my home country (Eastern Europe), my DGM has just called me to say she and my DGF have purchased a set of gold wedding bands through a friend who lives in another country to them as gold is cheaper there, the bands are fully certified and great quality, this isn't an issue. She said that if we would like they would want us to have them and went into great detail about them, she also said that if not they will keep them for my DB.

My DB doesn't even have a partner at the moment and I know they purchased them with us in mind but are trying not to put us under pressure since we have never asked for any contribution or help with the rings...the thing is we have just had an appointment with a local independent jeweler to discuss our wedding rings as my engagement ring is a slightly tricky shape to work with and I have found a band style that I really like and the plan is to have it custom made so it sits with my engagement ring better. Also it will be in white gold to match my ring, not yellow gold.

I am really grateful that they would even offer to do this for us and I am feeling really bad about this but these rings are not what we would pick for ourselves and are not the right metal either.
WWYD in our situation? How do I turn them down without disappointing them? They grew up in a time where this would have been an amazing gesture if it came from their parents/grandparents, not to mention they are much more practical with these things than us and would never be picky about such a gift so will not really understand my reasons for not wanting rings like these.

WWYD?

Ooh, tricky. Would you consider marrying with the rings, then swapping to the better suited ring after and offering the GP ones to your brother as and when? Or considering them an heirloom for future children? It doesn’t feel great to lie but I know lots of people who have their ‘actual’ engagement ring and then have a cheaper/less ostentatious one for every day. If you don’t see them regularly it might be a way to avoid hurt feelings.

Could you accept graciously, exchange them at the wedding as a symbolic gesture and then wear it on a chain or keep as a keepsake whilst wearing your preferred style day to day? If you don't see your grandparents day to day then they will never know. But then I'm not sentimental about things like wedding rings as such so it wouldn't bother me if I didn't wear the one I'd exchanged- I know some people it would.

Honestly it's such a wonderfully gesture that I would accept the rings from my grandparents. The sentiment would outweigh the look for me.

You can get a yellow gold ring plated into white gold (and with white gold it needs re plating every few years) so that might be an acceptable compromise?

Start with honesty.

1. White gold is only plating. You could plate the yellow gold.

2. You'd love them, but would need to work with a jeweller to melt and recreate yours because a straight band doesn't work with the engagement ring.

This .... but also what hand are you going to wear your rings on ?

I ask as I know different countries wear on right hand (rather than Uk where we traditionally wear on left hand) - eg so you could wear the ones from your Grandparents on your right hand in accordance with country "tradition" and then on your left hand wear the one you are buying plus engagement ring to fit with uk tradition or vice Verda

I think is a little weird if I'm honest.

Wedding rings are between the to-be bride and groom, not grandparents. You have an unusual engagement ring which needs to be taken into account.

As nice (although weird) as their offer if, I'd be clear to them - that you have plans regarding your wedding rings, and that as sad as it is you won't be wearing the ones they have bought.

You don't want to mislead them into thinking you will wear these as your rings. Don't let your plans become over-ridden by others, even if they are trying to make a thoughtful gesture.

I'd take them. It's not usual to wear your engagement ring after the wedding

Accept the rings.
Use them at the ceremony and then later, back in the UK, wear them on your other hand.
Or keep them in a drawer and start a family tradition of using these rings for everyone's ceremonies - your brother, your cousins etc.

Wedding rings are so personal. There is no way I'd be wearing a ring of someone else's taste.

@chocmatcha everyone I know here in the UK still wears their engagement ring after the wedding & have for generations

Must depend on the circles we move in then.

What planet are you on?

Is this for when your engagement ring is the size of a yacht and cost about the same? Jewellery like that isn't common in my circles but, as far as I know, owners of extremely valuable pieces wear different ones while the investment stuff sits in a safe.

@userfornow it's a tricky question, all right! What a lovely gesture by your in-laws. As they're being careful not to pressure you, it does seem logical to gratefully decline - I guess it depends on how you, your fiancé and your BIL feel it's best to play it. I quite like the idea of wearing two wedding rings, one on each hand, but that also feels rather greedy.

Will you see them so you could try the ring on next to your engagement ring and exclaim "Oh No it doesn't sit next to my engagement ring properly"?

@Mama1980 I understand what you are saying, I care for them a lot and think it's a lovely gesture but also my DGM has a bit of a history of doing things without being asked/ being a bit impulsive and then putting you in front of a partially done deed without being asked.

@chocmatcha most people I know wear their engagement ring after the wedding... the jeweler we saw showed us lots of designs he did in the past for people with unusual engagement rings so that they would sit nicely with the wedding band.

I am tempted to go down the route of melting the gold down to make my ring, from what I understand white gold is made by melting gold and adding another metal/component to it to get the color so this might be an option as long as they do not get offended that I would want to melt it down...

@Elieza I have explained to her that I need something a bit more custom as my engagement ring does not sit with a standard band. She told me I can wear my engagement ring on another finger 😅

Just say you've bought them already.

really? Why is it a particularly wonderful gesture? Not trying to be aggressive, I just wouldn't see it that way. It's not something with a lovely family history, that they're passing down the generations, nor is it something that they've put any sort of thought or care into, i.e. if they'd got something specially designed to match the exact colour and shape of OP's engagement ring.

It's something they've got cheap off a mate, that doesn't go with what OP already has, and isn't what she's wanted. I'd actually find it quite rude tbh and would have no qualms saying 'thanks but no thanks.' At most I might go for a white lie and say 'Sorry DP didn't want to tell me before because he wanted it to be a surprise but he's already paid for ones to be individually made to match the engagement ring. We can't get the money back and tbh I think that's such a sweet gesture from him so I'm afraid I can't use your ones.'

I think people are thinking 'aw how kind' just because it's a grandmother and thinking 'aw sweet old lady,' but old people can be manipulative too! If it was the MIL who had randomly bought a cheap veil or pair of ugly shoes from the local marketthat didn't go with OP's wedding dress, and expected OP to wear them I'm sure more people would be saying 'haha yeah right tell her to do one!'

These are your wedding rings, you'll hopefully be wearing them for the rest of your life, you deserve ones you want and not ones you'll grit your teeth at and feel resentful every time you see your hand!

This is such a cute idea!

Take the rings and melt them to use as a future eternity ring?

Just say no thank you and let them be given to your DB.