that my wedding date is being set by family/friends?

[susanlakeeth]

So at first, my fiances best man (in a sports team) could only attend our wedding if it was in March - so my fiancé understandably wanted him there so gave me the direction it would need to be in the time his best man could come. That went out the window as I think he came around more to my thinking that it isn't fair if my entire wedding is set around a date suitable for his friend. Apparently this friend can only leave the state he is in if its a funeral of an immediate family member? (apparently he doesn't have 1 day a week free? odd?)

Now (which I understand) his brother is being deployed for a year in May so the wedding needs to be apparently before May (because understandably he wants his brother there) - I just feel a little annoyed that on top of the wedding stress I now need to find a warmish part of the world in April and the date is still dictated to me by other people. The place we were looking at said we can't use the outdoor space as its going to be too cold at that point of the year.

am i being unreasonable? My cousin is my maid of honour but said don't work around her university just pick a date for me and if she can be there she will.

I think its fair enough to work around his brother. Not the sports guy but his brother sure.

I think it depends what’s important to you both, the people you can have there or the venue and the weather. Only you both together can make that decision.

As someone who has a winter wedding I’d be fine with planning for it to be inside. Just means you find a venue with a stunning interior.

I guess it depends on how much you want people to be there. If you really want them there, it needs to be on a date that is possible for them. If it doesn't matter so much, pick the date you want and those who can attend, will.

We worked around my brothers deployment 🤷🏻‍♀️ it then got delayed and he didn’t make it back for our wedding any way!

If it's important to him those people are there then yes you do need to work around them and that is more important than the weather!
I had an autumn wedding so planned to not have good weather. If you plan based on indoor space you might get lucky with the weather. There's no guarantee with a summer wedding it could be a very rainy day

Life goes on for other people outside of your wedding plans, your Fiance wants his brother there so it's fine to plan around that.

Not sure why 'you' have to find somewhere warm though, you should be planning the wedding together.

Really don’t think this is a big deal. Half our family were teachers, including people in the grooms party, so it had to be holiday time. Half of family are football mad, so it needed to be a Saturday with no football. We married in a World Cup year. We had 2 weekends which suited the above, one of which our favourite venue could do. So we got married on that date ☺️ it was still special!

Also - assuming you’re not UK as no wedding venue is ever a guarantee for outside space, irregardless of the month you pick! So no sympathy there I’m afraid!

It’s not ideal, but if you want them in the wedding, then you have to accommodate their schedules. I got married in August on a particular date because that was the time when my parents were going to be in Europe on a longer trip. they only told us three months ahead of the time and from there we decided to get married when they were nearby. We had been engaged for several years, and one of the issues was trying to get my family over to Europe. So when they said we’re coming on a vacation that was it. would I have chosen to get married in August with only three months to plan the wedding? No, but if I hadn’t done it then I would’ve had no one from my side of the family in the wedding at all.

Apparently this friend can only leave the state he is in if its a funeral of an immediate family member? (apparently he doesn't have 1 day a week free? odd?)

This sounds more like some kind of bail condition than his choice, or is that just me?

I can understand his brother tbh. He’s not being difficult, but it is a bit of a pain. The sports guy just sounds like he doesn’t want be put out at all. I wouldn’t worry about accommodating him, but the brother I would.

What’s the point in having a perfect venue on the perfect date, if the important people in your lives aren’t going to be there?

It’s normal to make sure the date you are planning for your weeding will work for the people
who you want to be in your wedding.

You sound like the weather is more important to you than the people.

That’s how I read it to be fair. Unless he is a teacher with a very strict contract?

I think it's normal to plan a wedding date that suits most of your guests. You can't ask everyone because you can't please all of the people all of the time, but you can choose a date that fits family restrictions.

It's the reason we got married abroad in the school holidays despite it being more expensive. Too many teachers in the family for us to please ourselves.

We wanted a small wedding and two of my relatives were living away in two separate countries so we planned it for a few months after we decided to get married when they were both due back. We wouldn’t have wanted to do it without them. In my family we’ve always checked with each other before fixing a date as we all want to celebrate with each other, and have.