To always feel like I’m not good enough???

[LemonFinch]

I work in a school in early years (support staff). I have a great relationships with the children and also with the parents. I am friendly, warm and caring and have aspirations of progressing and maybe one day becoming a class teacher.

However, there are occasions when the class teacher is absent. In these scenarios, I am always overshadowed by my colleagues. Those who are more assertive, more dominant. Even those less experienced than me end up taking the lead and I feel useless. I don’t feel I can assert authority over them because I am not in charge of them, yet they will attempt to run the show quite happily.

I spoke to my husband about it, and he said, by nature, I am just a very good follower so fall into that role well. He said that it wouldn’t stop me being a good teacher one day, as if I had that authority, I would use it.

I just feel like this is starting to really knock my confidence and I feel like I may as well give up on trying to further my career.

Im not sure why I’m posting, I’m just feeling really deflated.

Well get assertive and stop letting people step in! Il

For different reasons, I needed to get more assertive, it took a couple of years of practice but I now have a reputation of "she gets shit done and takes no shit from anybody " I'm mid 30s.

For most of my life I was a bullied pushover. I cant believe who I am now. I get everywhere I want and nobody bothers me.

I learned it all from Jordan Peterson but any time I've mentioned him here people come on to say hes an evil chauvinist and not to listen to him. 🤣
The man changed my life. I've been promoted twice in 2.5 years.

I would love to be more assertive. But I hate all the egos that fly around in the workplace. It’s totally not my style. I’m in there to do what’s in the best interest of those children. Not for my own agenda. But it seems like having your own agenda is the only way to succeed.

I think you need to have confidence in your own skill set. You don’t need to be loud or even over poweringly assertive to lead. Let them lead but also step up when appropriate and continue to respond to the children’s needs.
You don’t need to be like them to be a a great teacher. Find your own path

How did you learn this from Jordan Peterson? Did you read books? Listen to podcasts? I'm intrigued.

I think your husband is correct. Schools have to operate hierarchically to some extent. So if you were a teacher it is likely any support staff would defer to you if needed, as that is the expectation of their role and yours - the teacher makes most of the decisions.

But in your current situation, when the teacher is absent, SOMEONE often needs to take charge and make a decision. If everyone faffed around and was hesitant nothing would get done. Your colleagues are naturally/have taught themselves to be more dominant so take the lead - but you let them. You've said nothing to suggest you've ever tried to take the lead yourself and they've ignored you so there's no reason to assume you wouldn't be able to if you became a teacher.

You seem to think your colleagues should hang around waiting for you to take the lead, even though you never have, and don't yet hold any authority over them. I don't understand your comments about them having 'an agenda.' Surely their only agenda is to just get on with the job as effectively as possible?

The only way to become more assertive is to practice it - next time the teacher is absent and a decision needs to be made jump in there first and say 'Shall I take group x to do y? Then Amy you could sort Z, and Bob could make a start on A?'

I don't understand, is there not a supply teacher there if the class teacher is absent? As support staff you shouldn't feel obliged to lead anything anyway. But on another note, if you would like to be a teacher one day, go for it! Not all teachers are dominant and loud people. A lot of the most effective teachers I know are quietly spoken and earn respect because of their knowledge skill and empathy with students.

"I don't understand, is there not a supply teacher there if the class teacher is absent?"
hollow laugh
most schools can't afford supply teachers anymore
from my experience if the teacher is only absent for a short period (i.e. in a meeting/training/involved in a behaviour incident for an hour or two) the support staff just cover.

If the teacher is absent for a whole session (i.e. a full morning or afternoon), some TAs can 'act up', usually for about 50p extra an hour. My mum used to do it, I think there's a set period for how long a class can go without a qualified teacher, (dependent on age?) but it's at least several days.

But even in the short term, OP could be describing a scenario as straightforward as "Ms X has just gone to check something with the head, and a kid trips and hurts themselves, the other TA jumps straight in 'Right OP you take her down to the office to put a plaster on it, I'll stay here with the rest of the class.' "

Do you have a specific book or podcast to recommend?

Also here for the Jordan Peterson knowledge!