Time to get some help - advice?

[GettingProperHelp]

Warning - there might be some trigger issues in here relating to suicidal and serious illness.

I’ve gone anon mainly because I find this stuff so excruciating to talk about. Basically since the beginning of this year it has been one load of difficult, cruddy, heartbreaking event after another. I have been to three funerals, my best friend’s dog was run over and killed, I’ve started to experience peri menopause symptoms and last week my other best friend was diagnosed with leukaemia and will be an inpatient receiving chemo for the next 2-3 months (and is in isolation so I can’t visit).

In my late teens/early twenties, my sister had seven suicide attempts and has at times been diagnosed with bi-polar, antisocial behaviour disorder and borderline personality disorder. Back then I signed up for a course of psychotherapy as I was at uni and affecting my studies - plus it was free. I found it helped and stopped me going down my own self-destructive path.

I think my friend’s diagnosis has now got me back to that place again - on edge and anxious all the time, unable to sleep, masses of adrenaline coursing through my system making me feel sick and always wanting to fight or flight. The peri stuff doesn’t help of course - sweating at night, brain fog, weight gain. I hate feeling like this, I live alone and so there is no one here to help me cope, plus I have a full time job (where people are lovely and a bit worried about me as I have touched on how I have been feeling) but I can’t afford to take a of time off at the moment.

So I think I need some proper help - I can’t currently make a GP appointment as I am waiting for my records to be transferred across from my old practice, but once that is done I will, to talk about the peri stuff if nothing else. But in the meantime I think I would benefit from some talking therapy if not actual psychotherapy, but not sure how to go about this independently. There’s a lot of information online but almost too much in a sense - I find it fairly overwhelming.

Also I don’t have heaps of people to talk to IRL because I have historically been the ‘fixer’ for everyone else. Plus currently, of my best friends, one is in hospital, one is grieving the loss of her pet and the other lives abroad and the time difference is fairly epic. So I just want to get a plan in place, sort something out myself to help me to cope better - get some of this water out of jug and stop feeling so anxious and scared all the time. Thanks so much.

For free therapy, find IAPT in your local area. Waiting lists are very long though. You can pay privately and there are directories which will give you therapists and counsellors in your local area.
Which bit of information do you find overwhelming? Is it the fact that you don't know which therapy is best? In that case, you can get onto IAPT list. Their initial assessment is very quick and they can recommend therapeutic approach. You can then chose to seek it privately rather than remain on their waiting list.
Headstrong charity also has subsidised therapy options.

Thanks @Catza - that’s exactly it. I had psychotherapy before because it was on offer and it worked, but I’m not sure about all of new options that are available and might be more suitable. At the time I was dealing with a specific issue (my sister’s situation) whereas things are arguably more complex this time around. Sounds like IAPT is the way to go for assessment in that case. Thanks I really appreciate it. I’m feeling the overwhelm in general so this on top is definitely clouding my thinking about what I should be signing up for.