ExH reducing maintenance due to DLA, CB and CA?

[OngoingMaintenance]

Is this allowed?

DD is almost 10 and gets DLA and I receive the child benefit and carers allowance for her.

ExH reduces his maintenance by £20 a month to take into account these payments. He says he’s getting his share of those payments that should be shared fairly with us as DD is both of ours.

I mean it’s £20 but he’s supposed to pay £75 a month and pays £55 which makes a difference.

Child Maintenance Service don’t care and tell me I should be grateful for getting anything off him.

He has DD EOWend for 1 night only.

£75 a month and he wants to reduce it further? I'm glad he's an ex op he sounds like a horrible man.

What a toe-rag! I'd go through CMS now just for the principle. He'll have to pay more as they take a cut. Would serve him right. Unless he's likely to go 'self-employed' and hide his income. What a prince of a man.

Go to CMS anyway on principle as it will cost him too.

I missed this first time. For £75, collect and pay will cost you £3.75, so you'll receive £71.25.

He will be charged £90 however. But that's his problem. Please speak to them again, and request everything they say in writing.

I'll be brutally honest, when you first speak to someone on the phone, you're not speaking to the best and brightest.

My financially abusive STBX also treats my CA and CB as my income and reduces CM by 1/3 of their value per month.

Having said that he will continue to pay CM when DS2 starts uni in Oct he's now decided to stop it as DS2 is eligible for a maintenance loan, needs to stop being entitled and get a part time job because I 'chose' to leave and 'don't work'.

He also deducts the cost travel and food (£10 for 1 meal) of DS2 visiting him for a couple of hours EOW. DS2 has to travel to see him.

He's also said he can't afford to pay the fees for pension sharing order and wants me to pay at least 50% if he inherits by that time or 100% with a promise he will pay me back slowly over time. He wants me to pay for this using DS1's and DS2's PIP.

I put up with it because he pays 2/3 of DS1's monthly mortgage payments - we took out a joint mortgage sole proprietor mortgage as DS1 is unlikely to work or live alone so me and DS2 live in DS1's house. He also contributes temporarily until I receive private pension to my household bills. He doesn't like this and regularly tries to argue that PIP is really mine and I should use it to fund household costs so he can keep more of his income (he is a high rate tax payer).

He hopes that this 'generosity' will mean that pension sharing will be in his favour as he rents privately and thinks that our son's house is really my house because I am his live in carer.

I am not looking forward to the divorce and anticipate him saying that he can no longer afford to pay a share of DS1's mortgage. He wants us to privately agree the financial split so he can pressure me into agreeing a pension split in his favour. I think I need independent advice.

You have my sympathy OP. I cannot get over the way STBEX views disability and caring income as money he is entitled to benefit from even as a non resident parent.

This is a typical attitude of these types of "fathers."

When my ex saw how much I was receiving in benefits he stopped paying the mortgage. (He told me this in writing!) At the time I didn't claim child maintenance because he was covering the mortgage payments and it benefited the both of us that he kept paying. But it turned out that child maintenance payments were higher than the mortgage payment, so I immediately put a claim in to CMS and backdated it from the time of our separation (due to DV, and he had no access to DC as a result). He played silly buggers and lost.