To not have my daughter home this time

[Upupupupupup]

She’s 27 28 this year so almost 30 for reference this isn’t a teenager. I took her back home against my better judgments after she was sectioned the last time. She’s now been sectioned six month after her last discharge. Aibu to say she definitely can’t come back this time even if she ends up in temporary accommodation. She was doing well since she’s been back and there hasn’t been many incidents but now she’s been sectioned again I don’t feel it’s right to take her back.

You've not really explained why you don't feel that it's right?
Based just on what you've written then yes I think you are being unreasonable. I couldn't imagine not being there for my daughter. Temporary/emergency accommodation is surely likely to negatively impact her mental health so much.

Depends on your reasons and circumstances. Without further context I’d imagine YABU, but if there’s a risk to vulnerable members of your household then I might see it differently.

Massive part of your post missing.

Like 'why'?

Yes, I am interested in why not too. I am assuming you must have good reasons otherwise most people would support their unwell adult child.

Need to know why you wouldn’t want her back to decide if you are being unreasonable or not.

Behaviour that requires sectioning varies wildly, so without some further information it is difficult to give advice.

For some people, the time in hospital really helps them recover and put steps in place to prevent relapses. For others it brings them down from 'the edge' but doesn't go all that far in helping them properly recover.

If your DD has been sectioned twice, for long periods of time, then I'm guessing your daughter falls more into the second category?

If you can't give her the care and attention she needs, then supported accommodation is a better setting for her.

But, at the same time, you are her mother. I say this as someone who has had severe mental health problems (never sectioned), my family are my best support network. And although I cause them stress, they are always there for me. It makes a huge difference to me.

Can they not organise housing in supported accommodation?

For me it would really depend on the reasons behind why your daughter was sectioned and whether there was any risk to other children at home if she came back. For something like an eating disorder, I'd want my child home to help support them. For something like a complex personality disorder, I'd want to ensure they had good support in place, like an assisted living placement equipped to help with such cases, if available locally.

Depends. I used to work closely with discharge coordinators and supported housing is not as straight-forward as it may seem. The person has to qualify for housing (i.e. they need to be either sufficiently affected for supported accommodation - and there are various levels of support too, or they need to be fully independent for council housing options), they have to agree to go to supported accommodation or deemed to lack capacity to make this decision. We can’t force someone into supported accommodation just because the parent doesn’t want them. In this case, mum will have to give an eviction notice (which, as you can imagine is pretty traumatic for all the parties) and the person will be considered homeless. If they don’t qualify for supported accommodation, it would mean being placed in a hostel awaiting council property (and we all know what this looks like). The there is a question of who funds an extremely expensive supported accommodation. The process is convoluted and lengthy. At times, we had patients waiting for over a year in a hospital for space to become available. At times they would have to be moved out of county with very complicated funding arrangements agreed between two councils and with no familial support.
For every person who is desperate for a bed in acute hospital there will be three people clogging up beds waiting to be rehoused while no longer needing hospital care.

Why?

I found myself in this position with my eldest son at 28 In the end I admitted I could not cope with the extreme behaviours when he was unwell and yes it was a tad scary to state he would NOT come back to mine. The council placed him in two HMOs which sent him straight back to hospital but also proved he needed very specific support. Discharge after a section can give access to housing priority need esp if it is supported by specialised adult social services.

He had support from MIND coupled with support from CMHT and his GP. That all helped him to apply for and get a MIND supported flat. The difference it’s made for both of us has been awesome. There have been a few wobbles but he has not needed hospitalisation He gets tailored support and all via MIND and I can just be his mum.

It IS worth standing your ground and speaking directly to the hospital teams caring for your DD. Doing so does not mean you do not care it means you are fighting for the support and care your child needs as an adult.

To have been sectioned she is very unwell indeed. I do not think her age is relevant here. I cannot imagine refusing to have a very sick child home whatever their age; provided I was well enough myself to cope with the situation. On the basis of what you have told us you are being very unreasonable.

YANBU.

My DB is bipolar. Our DPs were persuaded to have him move back in with them after his second admission under section. It was ok for a few years until his next manic episode. My father was working away and was only home at weekends, so my DM was alone all week, desperately trying to get help for DB and getting nowhere.

It all came to a head when DF was home for the weekend and the police had to be called because DB was getting aggressive. He was sectioned again. After that admission, my DM refused to have him at home, and he was allocated a supported accommodation council flat.

They will do their damnedest to persuade you, OP, but there is still help out there. The organisation I work for supports and houses people like my DB and your DD.

I think it is very easy for people on the internet to tell you that you are being unreasonable but your child clearly needs professional help to deal with whatever reason they are sectioned for and this isn't a one off.

This doesn't fall under normal parenting and it may mean that your DD ends up in supported accommodation and sets her on the path to mental wellbeing. I personally have never been through this but my best friend has. Her DD ended up in supported housing and it meant professional, qualified people who studied and chose this as their careers, who do this as their job not in their free time like a parent would have to, could be there when she needed them.

They will try to fight you on it but stay firm. Write down the reasons it didn't work last time and then you can tell them you tried. I hope she finds herself mentally well going forward and I am sorry you have found yourself in this situation with your DD.

My ds was like this. In and out of section. She was also violently aggressive. Terrifying. Dm couldn’t cope and she was placed in a home by the council.

Not sure that her age is relevant, in the sense that she's not growing out of this - she's very ill if she's being sectioned, so her age isn't a factor in whether it's 'right' to take her back or not. There must be other factors you've omitted?