I feel ashamed, but I can't stop of thinking and feeling I desperately want to do it. It's like I know it's bad for me, but I keep going back for more. I really need some help and advice, but please, I'm already struggling, so no more hate please
As a married woman with a child, my marriage has become more of a legal arrangement than a loving partnership over the past seven years. My husband and I have grown accustomed to living separate lives, sharing a home and responsibilities but lacking any emotional connection. In this solitude, what I've yearned for most is emotional intimacy, physical touch, and the warmth of sexual connection.
Now, my body is craving these experiences to the point where it feels like a necessity rather than a mere desire. Yet, I can't fulfill these needs with my husband, with whom I share no emotional bond. I've found myself considering seeking out tantric massage, an erotic experience without penetrative sex, as a way to satisfy my physical urges and reconnect with my femininity.
However, I'm torn between two conflicting thoughts. On one hand, I rationalize that seeking professional help with no strings attached could provide the physical relief I crave and allow me to embrace my sensuality. On the other hand, I'm plagued by guilt and fear of the consequences, feeling as though I would be betraying my marriage vows and societal norms.
I'm struggling to reconcile these conflicting emotions and uncertain of the right path forward. Any guidance or advice would be deeply appreciated.
Ramani