To ask how you'd reply to this text

[Biggybigbiggles]

Sister and I are both early 30s. She has one DS, I have no children but multiple nephews on DP side and love children.

We have always been close friends with a few blips along the way.

I've felt since she's had a baby I can't win. I'm either in the way and 'Don't understand' or 'not showing enough interest' in her DS when I do visit (I've flown to see her 4 times in 12 months at her request, she's been here once).

I've just gotten to breaking point after flying abroad to see her and her DS for 4 days and thought we all had a lovely time reparing some hard feelings both ways.

I've received a wall of text about how disappointed she is that I didn't open nephew's presents that I brought out with me next to him, she's annoyed I didn't play with nephew much and she doesn't think she has the energy to make it work between us anymore.

The days typically involved me splitting time between my parents, my sister and nephew, and my oldest friend who flew in to see nephew at sister's request also. I'd say I spent 3 hours every day playing /holding/ feeding nephew and we went out for dinner one of the nights also.

I took lots of pics out there and sent them to sis today saying how gorgeous nephew is and that I loved her.

I'm completely hurt (bawling) and just feel like this is the straw that will make me go NC for a long while.

AIBU?

Let go of the bloody misplaced guilt. It's so tedious and such a waste of emotional energy. You haven't done anything wrong, therefore you have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop being her punching bag.

You're not.

I've been NC with both my sisters for years.

It's bliss.

Do you need to reply?

Tell her how you feel. Basically text her your original post and just say you too are finding it and her tough and nothing you do is right so you will step back a bit and leave her to it as her text made you really upset. And then step back.

I think this is a great response.

What would your parents think if they knew about this?

@quizzys response is very diplomatic but it lets her off the hook. I would actually fuck her off permanently. Apologies to talk like this about your sister but she’s a narcissistic bully. That message was childish and manipulative in the extreme. Life’s. Too. Short.

I think there's merit in being honest and saying that your story she feels that way but actually you've tried your best to be a good sister and aunt and if it isn't good enough then you won't be visiting again because you are unwilling to subject yourself to her criticism and personal attacks as it's simply not worth it.

Sounds very hard, but I think pulling away is a good shout for now. For comparison, I have 5 nieces / nephews and I have 2 myself. The level of attention, interaction and the amount you've seen your nephew, far exceeds anything myself of my siblings have done for each other's children!

Your sister has unrealistic expectations. Just because her life revolves around her child, doesn't mean anyone's else's should! Sounds like you've made a huge amount of effort, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

They don't want to get in the middle of it as it always ends badly for them. Tbf I've woken up this morning feeling shit, but quite resolute that I've tried my best.

I’d reply that I was going to charitably ignore her texts on the assumption they were composed and sent while she was stressed or in an altered state of consciousness, and just concentrate on my own life for a while.

I wouldn't reply at all. If she's anything like my sister she will engage in a text war and will always want the last word.

We are vvv LC, and thankfully live in different countries now.

You posted recently about whether to attend his birthday or not - she seems hard work. Has she different post natal depression at all - is she wlays this difficult or just since baby

I would say 'I'm here for you if you need a chat but I feel hurt by your accusations. I understand its hard to be a new mum but I have frequently made the effort to come see you and I don't appreciate this barrage. Take some time to think about what you need and we'll talk."

She 'doesn't have the energy to make it work between us anymore.'

Thanks god. That's your out. Don't apologize. I'd reply with 'Its disappointing you feel that way, as I really have tried my very best. However, I'm hurt by your accusations, so am going to give you time to reflect on how you treat me.'

Then I'd not initiate any further contact for a long time...life is truly too short to be treated like crap.

I think I’d have to say my piece, something like this. Possibly with added ‘and nobody could possibly meet all of the demands you make of me.’

Some people are just impossible to get along with, and she sounds like one. Go NC and stop with the guilt. You haven't done anything wrong and being sisters doesn't mean you are obligated to put up with her shit.

Also, having a baby doesn't cure depression. She is saying that to upset you. Go NC and gain some peace.