To be more freaked about being followed now I’m old and fat

[Stigglet]

I’m off work today and took my poodle for a walk. A random 60-ish guy came along behind me and started following. I changed direction several times and even walked in a circle - clearly following.

So I went up to a random house and rang the doorbell, then yelled “Hurry up and open the door Sarah, I need the toilet”! The guy walked past, staring at me, up the street and still glancing over his shoulder at me. When he was out of sight I ran home in the opposite direction.

I am so bloody angry that he thought this was ok! And even more annoyed at myself for not just yelling “Piss off and stop following me”! I’ve been followed before, but pre-kids when I was a pretty young woman. Somehow it’s freaked me out more now I’m a fat 40 ish mum in a bobble hat and no makeup. He wasn’t following me to leer because I’m attractive, and it’s just made me feel so vulnerable, wondering why the fuck he has done this.

I think this is so very hard for men to truly understand, how women face this sort of thing during their lives. It shouldn't happen at all. Must've been frightening for you, glad you were able to evade him.

My DP wonders why I keep the back door locked during the day (it's accessible from the main road). I told him this is normal behaviour for a woman, to be safety-conscious. That there are very many things we just do automatically because of feeling threatened that men never have to do.

Who knows why he did it, OP. A sort of power trip, I guess, making you feel vulnerable.

I think it’s because I was getting used to being invisible as a saggy 40 something. I used to get harassed a lot in my 20s because I was pretty. It just seems so sinister now I’m not pretty any more.

I know exactly what you mean. It shouldn't make a difference, but psychologically I think it just does. I think it's because you get the feeling that there's more to it than just perving at a pretty girl - it feels like it's more about power and trying to freak you out than just wanting to gawp at your boobs or something. Obviously neither is acceptable, but the former feels more threatening than the latter.