Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think it's odd that PIL don't ever take daughter out?

26 replies

newtothis0 · 16/04/2024 12:27

Our daughter goes to PIL a few times a month for afternoons when both my partner and I are working. DD is just turned 2 and is genuinely angelic for PIL.

PIL never take DD out of the house despite having her for 6+ hours at a time. We leave her car seat but she ends up just staying indoors at theirs the entire day. There is a very quiet toddler group that DD attends every week less than a mile up the road from theirs that I suggested they could go to last week, but they didn't. They don't take her to any activities which is fine as I appreciate there could be an anticipation of things being a bit chaotic at soft plays, etc, but they don't even take her to the park or for a walk (we live in a part of the country with lots of local walking routes). They aren't elderly or frail, in fact MIL used to be a primary school teacher so she's very much used to young children.

I appreciate them having her and they don't just do it to help us out, it's very important to them that they get to spend time with her after limited contact with other grandchildren. I just find it a bit sad for DD that days she goes there, she's pretty much confined to their lounge despite being a very high energy toddler who loves anything physical.

AIBU to think it's odd that they won't take her out anywhere?

OP posts:

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 12:30

There's absolutely no reason why your DD has to be taken out by them. I'm sure she's being appropriately stimulated in the house and garden. I'd leave it be.

wp65 · 16/04/2024 12:42

BodyKeepingScore · 16/04/2024 12:30

There's absolutely no reason why your DD has to be taken out by them. I'm sure she's being appropriately stimulated in the house and garden. I'd leave it be.

Though by the sound of it, the child doesn't even go out in the garden? Which is a bit weird.

crostini · 16/04/2024 13:00

Are they giving her the iPad all day? If so I'd be concerned. But if they're playing with her, reading, doing crafts etc then I'd be happy with that.

harowrn · 16/04/2024 13:11

I don't think that's fair in the 2yo and I know my own dc aged 2 would rather be at nursery or taken out to classes and groups than be stuck in someone's living room for hours on end. Kids have a lot of energy at that age and they can't burn it off doing sitting down activities in a lounge.

TunaCrunchy · 16/04/2024 13:14

She is out, she’s at their house.

I wouldn’t be happy if she has a lot of screen time but if she’s playing then it sounds fine.

LenaLamont · 16/04/2024 13:16

She is out. She’s visiting her grandparents house.

Cheeesus · 16/04/2024 13:18

Do they know it’s an option? I mean that you’d be ok with it/could lend car seat or buggy etc?

YouveGotAFastCar · 16/04/2024 13:18

Really, really normal; in my opinion.

Lots of my friends parents are the same. It seems to happen before they feel they're getting a bit old to do the childcare, I think. It's daunting taking a very young child out, especially as you get older.

If your daughter seems happy, I'd leave them to it. If she's getting bored/coming home chaotic, it might be time to find new childcare options and see PIL when you're there too.

FrenchandSaunders · 16/04/2024 13:19

It's a bit odd if they're fit and healthy. My in laws took our DDs all over the place when they were little and they have fabulous memories now they're adults.

Plus I always find kids easier out and about than stuck at home.

HoHoHoliday · 16/04/2024 13:24

As others have said, to her she is out - she's out of her home in a different place. If they are ignoring her and leaving her watching TV then it's a problem. But if they are at home enjoying her company, reading, playing games, etc, then it's fine. I would hope she's in the garden when the weather is better though. Kids don't need constant trips out and entertainment.

GingerIsBest · 16/04/2024 13:28

1 is your DD coming home over stimulated/climbing the walls/too much energy?
2 are they engaging with her while she's there - playing games, chatting, doing things together?

If the answer to 1 is no and 2 is yes, then I think let it go. It's only an issue if it's detrimental to your DD in some way.

PatioDreama · 16/04/2024 13:31

You are younger and used to it, but getting a toddler out and prepping all they will need and settling them back home again is a big exhausting expedition… elders will be slower than you, if not health wise, they will be taking things slower after having served their time running around like headless chickens all their lives!

If you want activities and excursions, hire and pay a young nanny.
These people are grandparents - peaceful days of quiet enjoyment with a grandparent are some of my loveliest memories.

Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth, and thank them profusely for their efforts and kindness.

Spirallingdownwards · 16/04/2024 13:31

If she is a former primary school teacher perhaps she is playing with her and reading with her. I don't remember going out with my grandmother but I do remember playing with a toy farm she had there (which we didn't have one of at home), I remember sitting on a footstool while she read to me and I remember her making me a milky coffee with Camp chicory essence.

They may be building a lovely relationship with her such as mine that I still remember 50plus years on.

Pogointospring · 16/04/2024 13:31

She goes a few afternoons a month - what’s the big deal if she’s happy and well cared for and the grandparents are enjoying her. It’s a bit unusual but maybe that’s what they enjoy or maybe they just find taking her out daunting for their own reasons.

All day every day I’d say it was unreasonable and bad for her development but I was a SAHM and when my children were little we certainly spent many afternoons at home pottering around, playing with toys, small world play, looking at books, drawing etc - and yes, a little bit of screen time. Presumably in the mornings and majority of afternoons she’s somewhere else doing other activities.

FrenchandSaunders · 16/04/2024 13:33

Car seats these days seem quite a faff to fit, have you offered to fit it in their car for them? Maybe they are concerned about not doing it properly/safety.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 16/04/2024 13:34

What do they do with her? My mum was a retired Primary School teacher and she did masses of stuff with DD. In the house and garden.

Darkedonlinen · 16/04/2024 13:37

Could be an age thing and they probably find it very daunting. My MIL is similar but I think she finds it a big mission to get DC ready for going out, packing bags etc. She does lots of activities at home instead. If they’re engaging with her I don’t see the issue?

My parents do get out a bit more with DC but they’re much younger and don’t see DC as often. I don’t think my mum would feel comfortable taking DD to a parent and toddler class actually, their excursions tend to be the zoo etc which they wouldn’t do a few times per month.

As pp have said if they’re engaging with her I don’t think it’s a problem a few afternoons per month?

Crunchymum · 16/04/2024 13:41

it's very important to them that they get to spend time with her after limited contact with other grandchildren

Why do they have limited contact with their other grandchildren?

mindutopia · 16/04/2024 13:51

In my personal experience with dc's grandparents, they are very happy to just stay at home and spend time with them. They don't have the daily grind of all the parenting tasks like we do that necessitates a break and a trip out for a change of scenery. They are quite happy just to be at home doing things around (our) house with them.

I can honestly count on one hand the number of times either of our mums (our dads are no longer alive) ever took dc out on their own and my eldest is 11. I used to stay with my grandparents 8-6 5 days a week until I was school age and then every school holiday, and we might have gone out once a week - sometimes it was for a 'day out' or a lunch, but often it was just riveting trips to the hair salon so my granny could get her hair permed or to vote if it was an election or to the GP or the hospital if they had medical appts. It was fine. I loved just pottering around their house, exploring, colouring, helping to cook/bake, garden, etc.

CloudywMeatballs · 16/04/2024 13:53

Why do they have to go anywhere? As long as everyone's enjoying themselves I don't see an issue.

TunaCrunchy · 16/04/2024 13:55

I never went anywhere with my grandparents unless my parents were with me. I have such fond memories of visiting them, they didn’t even really play, it was nice to hang out at their house and chat and eat lunch with them etc.

RedPony1 · 16/04/2024 13:55

My DM doesn't take my well behaved nieces anywhere as she cannot be bothered with car seats or going somewhere other children might be!

So on the few occasions she has them in the summer holidays, they do crafts and cooking. I'm sure they don't care about not going out

Ankylo · 16/04/2024 13:58

It is a bit strange. My son is 2 and my mum takes him out - baby group or elsewhere. I think she prefers that than being at home with him (and I agree, it's much easier to keep a 2 year old busy and happy if you're out of the house!)

loropianalover · 16/04/2024 13:59

I don’t think it’s strange at all. She’s out at a different environment in their house, different toys and probably loads for her to look at, maybe they go out in the garden or she likes ‘helping’ in the kitchen. It’s only an afternoon.

You don’t know the ins and outs of PILs lives either, maybe they have something private going on like needing to be near a loo, maybe they are quite anxious about bringing her out in case she gets hurt.

Just let them enjoy spending time with her, this is such a non issue.

Gettingonmygoat · 16/04/2024 15:40

Bloody hell, no wonder our children have short attention spans. What on earth is wrong with them being at home for 6 hours? Making lunch together, reading, chatting, drawing, playing etc will take up a lot of those hours.
Children need to be able to rest, they don't need to be dragged out of the house every single day.
OP you may enjoy toddler group but for a lot of Grandparents it is their idea of hell. When you asked them to provide childcare did you stipulate that your child must be out of their house for hours on end ?

Flip

1 2