Feel like a crap mum for struggling and don’t know if this set up is right

[Struggling180]

Dd is 18 months. I went back to work when she was one and used my accrued annual leave to take two days off a week. I thought this was best so she was only in nursery three days a week at first and so I had more time with her. Ex left when she was 10 months but sees her most weeks.

Today is a day off with her and I just don’t want to do another day of it. My work is full on but not like this. I don’t even know what to do with her, I genuinely think she enjoys nursery just as much or the same

i will go up to four days a week soon and feel awful about that too as worry she will want to be at home. I also think I should have done it sooner so I had a bit of a break as well. I just feel so conflicted and sad and like I have failed because if I am honest work feels like a day off more than a day with her feels. I count the hours sometimes, I am embarrassed to admit. Of course it’s great watching her grow but the nappies, food prep, mess and constant attention is so hard.

@Struggling180 you are not a crap mum!! It’s very very hard and especially if you are a single parent. She will be absolutely fine at nursery 4 days. You do what feels best for you and what works for you. My DS is two and goes to nursery 3 days- I literally count down until Monday when I know I will get some type of break!!!!! X

Perfectly normal and ok to want a break
I put m daughter in nursery when I have days off for a break
They will be fine
Don't fret do what works for your situation

I used to dread my days off with DS

Like you I felt so bad but it’s the constant finding things to do and timings … we could go to the park but have to drive there: will there be a danger nap? Constant needing to entertain them but actually needing to get stuff done too.

He’s 3 now and it’s so much easier. Except I have a 9 month old too 😅

I just loved this post so much. Yes to the biscuits!

only to add my experience OP, I felt the same as you do. I was on a 4day week because I felt I should have the extra time at home with my daughter. I didnt enjoy it, and have gone back to 5 days 🤷‍♀️ so much happier on evenings and weekends and I believe what others have said - your happiness does matter to your children and they can tell. You are not a crap mum. It’s hard!! And it’s a long game xx

18 months is a terrible age in my experience. The have a bit of autonomy so can say no, enough speech probably to say no, but not enough communication to be able to express themselves properly without just getting frustrated. They probably still need a nap and probably aren't good enough walkers to not need a pram and are probably not toilet trained.

It gets better. I've got three kids and didn't much enjoy my days with any of them at that age. I work three days a week and definitely found my work days easier than being at home when they were toddlers. My youngest is 4 now and I like being at home with her, she's good company and good fun. It will get better in time.

BUT don't feel guilty for how you feel, or for needing/wanting to work more. Most kids love nursery and lots of them go there full time.

@Janetime we have had a massive amount of upheaval/trauma in the recent years as a family so needed time to settle down and have a routine especially for my older child. We can afford a nanny, I'm studying PT/ retraining as well and hope to get back into work when my LO starts nursery/school.

I struggled with Pnd both times and found parenting just not what I thought it would be. I love my dc so very much but just very overwhelmed.

I'm not offended by your question, I do know people are curious about this.