I’m just sitting here today thinking about my Inlaws and the lack of relationship I have with them. I don’t have anyone in RL I can genuinely talk to without the fear of them spreading gossip or judging me. Can I please write down everything in my head here and get some advice/support. This might be long!
I have been married 15 years now and I didn’t have the vocabulary back then to explain what was going on but now I do. My MIL is very over-bearing and controlling. Just a few examples - she forced DH and myself to live with her after marriage for cultural reasons. I personally didn’t mind as I knew it was expected. She made it so difficult such as after our honeymoon she took our suitcases downstairs and washed our clothes without asking, I felt so embarrassed with my lingerie on the washing line in full view (I know I will get comments about this and I know it’s normal), she would compete with me such as if I made a dish she would ask DH infront of me whose he liked better. He said mine one time and she was really upset I told him in private to always say hers from now on. She controlled what we ate and she cried one time that i’m not eating her food as she made it. Her daughters when visited always made passive aggressive comments that they would eat her food all day long if they could, so she must have said things to them.
fast forward many many years of this abuse, 5 years into the marriage I finally got pregnant via IVF and comments turned to “we hope it’s a boy” etc.” if it’s a girl we won’t have a party but will have several if it is a boy”. I confided in one SIL who I mistakenly thought was “modern” and sympathetic as she married her boyfriend so I assumed she must be modern in her thinking whereas I had an arranged marriage with DH. Her response was “of course we will be dissapointed if it’s a girl, all of us are praying for a boy”. Both SIL have only boys btw. I gave birth to my daughter and there were so many nasty comments that DH ignored and I ignored which I wish I hadn’t. I exploded prior to my daughters first birthday when they were all calling her “our little princess” and kissing her etc. bear in mind at 2 days old when I was in a lot of pain I had to listen to them telling me they glad they have boys as they would worry about their daughter turning into a slut or getting raped! My DD was 2 days old and I had to listen to this.
they all gaslighted me (I didn’t know this word then but now do). They said I was crazy and scitizophrenic (sp) and they absolutely never uttered any of those words. This really affected my mental health as I started worrying whether I did imagine it all because 3 of them were telling me I did (mil and 2 sil). DH confirmed in private I didn’t imagine as some things were said infront of him.
my DD is nearly 10 years old now and I am so upset over everything I’ve dealt with. I cannot believe how I got through those months of doubting my sanity etc. I feel so upset and DH carries on like everything is fine. We moved out and DH takes our kids to MIL house every week. I rarely see her but when she says to my kids “princesss”, “little princesss” it just causes so much rage inside me. I don’t want to spoil my life by being so bitter but I hate the bitch so much.
another memory I can’t get rid of is my daughters first birthday party as my MIL home the MIL and one of her daughter spent whole time huddled in corner looking at me and talking. MIL was crying at one part which is recorded as it was during cake cutting and it’s not clear on video but I remember her telling her sister “we have always treated her like a daughter (she was referring to me) but she is against us”