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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

First date good, second date… terrible! Or is it me??

20 replies

joydiversion · 15/04/2024 20:12

Went on a first date with someone a few weeks ago. Met on OLD, seemed really lovely, we went to an exhibition for our first date and there was a lot of back and forth conversation. Felt very comfortable with him, no weird red flags.

One thing that got me a little bit hmm was he said half way through the date that he was looking for his “relationship that would lead to marriage”. Thought that was a bit much for a first date but friends told me he just wanted to be open.

Second date was a bit different. Went for food and then asked me out the blue “what are you into sexually”. I said didn’t want to talk about it, and he told me he loved some pretty normal aspects of sex (kissing for example) and then proceeded to show me his dating profiles!!!! I was turned off immediately and stopped talking, started making my excuses to leave. Then he kept asking to kiss me, which I said no. He kept pushing that.

I’ve just got out of a LTR so I’m weary that I might be overthinking it, but this isn’t normal behavior is it??! I think things like kissing and talk about sex should come naturally and it felt so awkward. So different from first date though, I don’t know whether to give him the benefit of the doubt!

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 15/04/2024 20:14

This guy is into kissing? What a pervert!

If it felt weird it probably was weird. Trust your instincts.

Catza · 15/04/2024 20:15

No, that’s a major ick. Conversations about kissing is one thing but showing you his dating profiles… whatever for? Sounds like he was either incredibly awkward (talking about marriage on the first date and then making a lame sex comment) or he is a sleaze who thought he will catch you with “oh, I’m so serious about relationships” before having casual sex and bolting. Either way, he is probably a poor shag. Would not recommend.

CrappySack · 15/04/2024 20:17

Bin this one off OP.

Pushing to kiss you after you said no is a big old red flag.

cheddercherry · 15/04/2024 20:19

The pushing after you said no is enough to be enough.

I’m not saying everything should be fireworks and fairytales but Christ, he sounds like Jekyll and Hyde. Don’t waste your time, dating should be way, way easier than this.

TowerRavenSeven · 15/04/2024 20:20

The question of what I was into sexually on the second date would put me right off for sure. And demanding a kiss, when you clearly were put off would be a huge NO from me.

AhBiscuits · 15/04/2024 20:24

Toss this one back OP.

Bassetthoundears · 15/04/2024 20:38

Trust your instincts op! No that’s not normal for a second date, it would have put me off too. Also off-putting is the fact that he didn’t immediately pick up on your discomfort.

Honestly, I think OLD has completely skewed people’s perceptions of what constitutes basic manners. At best, this guy is just crass with terrible social skills. At worst, this is a massive red flag! Either way op: run for the hills!

wavingfuriously · 15/04/2024 20:39

No to that one

Deathbyfluffy · 15/04/2024 20:41

Nope. Not normal at all - I’m a man and I think this is awful!
On my first few dates I’d expect the conversation to be jolly but perfectly tame.

WarshipRocinante · 15/04/2024 20:44

What do you mean that he started showing you his dating profiles? You met online dating so you saw his profile. Why was he showing them? It’s odd.

And being so weird about the sex thing, that comes later. Unless there are specifics. I had a guy tell me he was a sub and needed a dominant partner so if that wasn’t my thing then he was giving me an out, because he didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Lovemusic82 · 15/04/2024 20:47

He was on his best behaviour for the first date, 2nd date he was showing his true colours. Chuck him away.

mondaytosunday · 15/04/2024 21:30

I've had great first dates and second where I've asked myself what did I see in this guy, but no - no one has jumped in to sex talk and that would really put me off. If he was genuinely looking fur a long term relationship then he'd take the time to get to know you.

solice84 · 15/04/2024 21:32

This sounds so familiar
I wonder if someone else has posted about him before

78Summer · 15/04/2024 21:34

Red flag. That is inappropriate chat for a second date.

Pigeonqueen · 15/04/2024 21:39

He just sounds very odd. Nope.

BirthdayRainbow · 15/04/2024 21:44

Saying you want marriage on the first date is fine. I did that with h as I didn't amt to waste another two years with someone who didn't want marriage and kids.

Asking what you are into sexually on date two is not on. The previous poster who was saying he was a pervert because he likes kissing was either trying to be funny, fail, or being mean to the OP.

Ikeameatballs · 15/04/2024 21:46

I find the showing you his dating profiles the most odd bit. Nothing wrong with asking you what you are into imo, if you’re on completely different pages best to find out quickly! He should have stopped trying to kiss you when you asked him too though, big red flag there!

Overall, not a match for you.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 15/04/2024 21:48

The showing you profiles is weird. I wouldn't like that at all

Don't give up hope but just have your eyes open to the weirdness that can be out there. Good luck with it, hopefully you'll get to have some good dates

Hi01 · 15/04/2024 21:51

Block him. He wants FWB not marriages

vincettenoir · 16/04/2024 16:45

Although I don't think anything he did was totally outrageous, if you are less interested in him instead of more interested in him after a second date, then don't give him a third date. He didn't read your cues and that's enough to not want to see him again.

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