To wonder why I can't just make a decision?

[Alasia24]

I'm seeing someone, have been since November officially, but we've known each other for a long time prior, kind of a long distance friendship, if you like.

He just messaged me to ask if I'd like to see a film with him and his friends this week (we've all got odeon limitless so it doesn't cost anything).
My first instinct was yes, which is what I said but literally the second he'd replied with "great, I'll let you know our seats later", I changed my mind. Now I can't decide what to do.

This happens every time I have to make any decision, whether to do with him or just general life stuff.

So to explain my thought process this time, here are the reasons I'm unsure about going:

• All his friends know of me and he's spoken about them to me, I've seen photos of them but have only met two of them, once. The other two I haven't met yet.

It occurred to me that they might not want the girl that their friend is seeing, going with them.
I said this to him and he said they won't mind as they're just there to see the film.

• I have three children, who are 12, 15 and 17. The bedtime for the younger two is 10.30pm and this film starts at 8.15 so I won't be back before they go to bed. If I'm at home, I'll make them a drink at 9 and say goodnight, then not hear from them til morning so why am I bothered about going out as I can just pop in when I get home and say goodnight or check they're alright if they're asleep by then.

Am I being really silly? This is how my mind works with every decision I have to make, from job hunting to meal plans, to where to go at half term... These little "what if" type thoughts keep popping into my head and leave me paralysed, so I end up doing nothing at all

I can go to the cinema, can't I? 😆

I would say a cinema trip is a perfect way to meet his friends. Not much talking required and when you do talk, you can talk about the film or the actors in it, so no awkward silences - much easier than sitting in a loud bar or restaurant.

Missing bedtime for a 12, 15 and 17 yr old is not a problem (and I think you know that!).

There’s no reason not to go. Go and have fun.

This must be completely debilitating.
Not sure I would ever care about what friends think if I was invited somewhere by my boyfriend. I am not dating them, am I? Seems like maybe this is lack of self-confidence talking for you. Any events in the past that may have contributed towards that?
One of my friends has similar "what if" problem and she has a meeting with herself every week. She sets an agenda, and then spends 15 minutes thinking about the anxiety-provoking scenario. If, after a couple of weeks the "what if" thing still didn't happen, she writes it down a piece of paper and throws it in a "fuck-it" bucket.

It does feel a bit much sometimes and my usual reaction is to just avoid the thing that's causing me stress.
I do have diagnosed generalised anxiety disorder but whether that's the issue or something else, I don't know.

You're right that I shouldn't really care what the friends think, I suppose I just don't want to intrude. Also they tend to go in his car but if he's collecting me they'd have to get there a different way, which is also stressing me out!

I'll adopt the agenda idea though, I think! Seems a great way to manage the what ifs :)

Why is them getting there a different way is stressing you out? They are adults. They get multiple places independently throughout their day. It's really not that big a deal and, even if it was, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you.
Go spend time with your boyfriend and don't give it another thought.

Thank you, I will :)