Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider putting dog down?

110 replies

ConfusedDogMum · 15/04/2024 12:57

Our dog has an undiagnosable condition affecting her side which is creating sores and pushing small lumps of (apparently deep) tissue to the surface.

She scratches and licks at the area constantly. She’s had mutiple specialist vet visits, scans, lab testing etc plus two very big operations removing large amounts of dead tissue with no answer as to what is causing it. Obviously the area gets infected and antibiotics have cleared it up temporarily but it keeps returning, after a few months at best. She is healthy in every other way but she absolutely hates going to the vets.

The last time we took her to the vets they were pushing to do another very expensive operation but obviously could give us no reassurance it would help. We don’t have insurance unfortunately as we felt we could afford anything she would have needed at this stage (she’s now only 8) but were clearly naive about what might happen and what it might cost (£11k plus and counting so far!). We pushed back and they gave us a longer prescription for the antibiotics to also cover the next time it returned instead. Of course now it’s come back and the antibiotics aren’t helping. She’s still very active wanting to go on walks etc and no other signs of physical problems but she has started seeking out quieter, more comfortable spots (sofa, all our beds!) which is becoming problematic as the sores are weeping and she’s very smelly and she growls at us and snaps when we try to move her. She’s clearly unhappy and we’ve tried a cone but she still bashes at her side with it and uses her back leg to scratch so it doesn’t really help (it’s definitely an underlying condition and she isn’t causing the problem).

We will have to return to the vet soon as we are nearly out of antibiotics and they don’t seem to be working…. And I’m at a complete loss as to what to do… they’ll push again for another scan and operation at great cost (c£5k minimum - money we don’t have) but the alternative seems so unfair, cruel and irresponsible on our part to have an animal and then not do everything to cure her…. Are we even able to have her put down if the vet is saying they believe (wrongly in my opinion) they could still try to help? Is anyone on here a vet that has any ideas what this is or other dog owner who has experience this?

It would be absolutely awful to have to have her put down (we have young children who also love her very much and we’ve had her since she was a puppy) but we cannot afford to keep spending such vast sums on money on things that do not help her. It’s become a really stressful situation even just managing where she can be in the house, whether the dog walker will still take her etc. I just don’t know what to do anymore and my husband is burying his head in the sand about it.

Any insight or advice greatly appreciated and thank you for reading so far!! X

OP posts:
Laiste · 15/04/2024 13:04

Well - i'll be brave and say you would probably be doing her a kindness to put her down Flowers

We all have to die.
I believe we're the unluckier animals as we're the only ones with a real concept of life span. Animals have no idea about it. The best thing we can do for our pets is give them a good life and a good, and timely, death.

Catza · 15/04/2024 13:05

It's a tough situation and I have no advice from the professional standpoint. But I went through a similar mysterious illness with my cat 10 years ago. He suddenly became very poorly, difficulties with eating, peeing himself, shortness of breath. We did all the routine scans and a couple of overnight stays at the vets when critical. They found nothing and the next step was take him in for an extremely expensive exploratory surgery. The issue was that he would have periods of time when he would feel well (with a lot of care at home) and taking him to the vets would stress him out so much that he would have a relapse after every visit. On that basis, we decided to let him be. He lived happily with us for 6 more months before passing away unexpectedly one day. Later, we were contacted by the lady who had a cat from the same litter who let us know that her cat had a genetic lung condition which is incurable (she went quite further ahead with the testing at a great expense) so it seems we have done the right thing at the end to let him run out of his cat lives with us.

Youdontknowmedoyou · 15/04/2024 13:06

Reading your post you're considering doing the best for her. If the vets could guarantee that an op would fix the problem then that would be different.
I'm so sorry that you are facing this and wish you all the best. 💐

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2024 13:07

I agree, it’s sounds like a kindness. That’s no way for her to live.
sorry 💐

Crazeland · 15/04/2024 13:07

I agree with you. Quality of life is the important issue

TayIor · 15/04/2024 13:09

This breaks my heart 💔 this is what insurance is for but I am sure you already know that. In your situation it would completely destroy me but I'd have to think of the dogs best interests, and if she's snapping she's in pain which is so unfair.

takemeawayagain · 15/04/2024 13:09

That sounds really horrible for her. I don't think it would be wrong to put her down.

DisappearingGirl · 15/04/2024 13:12

I think putting her to sleep sounds a kind option. She has had 8 good years and it sounds like she is struggling.

I do think vets can tend to over treat as well. We have guinea pigs, the vets we use are really lovely and are experienced in small animals. However on three occasions now I have felt the animal is suffering and has reached the end of its life, and I've been surprised that the vet has suggested additional invasive experimental treatment rather than suggesting putting to sleep. I've had to be the one to suggest maybe it's time to PTS, and the vet has then said yes perhaps that's best.

QuestionableMouse · 15/04/2024 13:14

I absolutely would not keep putting a dog through ops when they're not helping. Euthanasia is the kindest thing to do.

Cazpar · 15/04/2024 13:15

8 years old is not an awful age for a dog. She sounds like she's in pain or at least discomfort (dogs do not show pain in the way we do, but the fact she is seeking out quieter spots and snapping tells me she is uncomfortable).

If the vets do not know what to do next, she is not improving, and she has already been through many treatments, I would say it is best that she is put to sleep. I'm so sorry. I had to make a similar decision for one of mine some years ago and it is so hard, but the final thing we can do for them is to give them a painless and peaceful passing.

Work2live · 15/04/2024 13:15

I'm so sorry, this must be so awful. I think it might be the kindest thing to do.

I've been through it with our lovely dog who passed just before Christmas. Our situation was different - they knew what the problem was, he had the operation, but it didn't go well and his quality of life suffered greatly afterwards. I often wish we hadn't put him through it all and just PTS instead, but I've accepted now that we were trying to do the best we could with the information we had.

If they don't know what it is, there are no guarantees with the surgery and you could end up spending huge amounts to get nowhere.

I also say this very gently, but it's an enormous wake up call about insurance. You just never know. I know peoples' opinions on it differ, but it's so important to either insure or keep a hefty sum aside. Between the ages of 6-8 (when ddog passed) we claimed almost £12k.

Your girl is obviously very loved and it sounds like you've done the absolute best for her. Sometimes letting them go is the final act of kindness.

QuestionableMouse · 15/04/2024 13:15

Sorry posted too soon - I'm so sorry 💔💔💔

theleafandnotthetree · 15/04/2024 13:16

I absolutely would put the dog to sleep in these circumstances. It is the right decision for the dog AND for you financially as a family - don't let any guilt about the latter cause you to forget the former.

elastamum · 15/04/2024 13:16

I'm sorry about your lovely dog. If it makes you feel any better, it's highly likely that any insurance you could have bought would have run out of cover by now anyway. If she is miserable it is a kindness to let her go.

Toomanysquishmallows · 15/04/2024 13:18

I had to make this decision, with my beloved cat last year. In all honesty, I would let them go ,

Andthereyougo · 15/04/2024 13:21

I’m sorry, it’s so hard isn’t it but I think you’ve tried everything within your reach.

Theres probably a deeper cause but just as a thought, you don’t use those air fresheners that puff out into the room do you? My ndn dog had awful skin problems, vet tried everything, specialist food flown from US and then she got rid of the air fresheners. Dogs skin cleared up in a few weeks.

sleepyscientist · 15/04/2024 13:21

I will start by saying I am the person who wouldn't think twice about getting a 10/20/30k loan to cover above our insurance if it was curable or the dog wasn't in pain but she sounds miserable which may means it's time to let go. The only thing I would say is we had a dog with an autoimmune skin condition that sounds like your baby, he had life long steroids and lived to 14 with only a few flare ups.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 15/04/2024 13:21

Is it the same vet you've always gone to? If so, I think it might be worth taking her to a different vet for a second opinion. Also, I believe there are some charities that will help with vets bills that might be worth looking into. But if the surgery isn't a definite fix and is going to be unpleasant for her to recover from it may be kinder to just put her down. You are definitely not being unreasonable. It must be heartbreaking for you.

Andthereyougo · 15/04/2024 13:22

And after I had to have my DCat pts at only 8 the vet said to me animals don’t count the years they’ve had, only the live they’ve had.

ConfusedDogMum · 15/04/2024 13:24

Thank you all for such gentle, kind and helpful comments. It’s certainly helping me to feel better about a conclusion I’d really probably already reached, I just wish it didn’t have to be this way and i think we are all letting our emotions and guilt cloud our judgement on this one.

Totally agree it’s been a wake up call re insurance… although I’ve looked and in order to get cover up to that sum in year we would have paid massively over that amount by this point in her life assuming we’d had cover from when we got her… decent insurance with him cover is so expensive too!

We love animals and always wanted a dog and I never thought I’d say this but I’m not sure I’d ever have another one now 😢

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 15/04/2024 13:24

If there is no diagnosis and nothing is helping, I would PTS without hesitation. Just in case it hasn't been tried though, has she had a very high dose course of steroids? My ddog1 has had a very weird, horrible, and no firm diagnosis condition where he developed necrotic ulcers all over his head and back. At first they thought it was an infection and antibiotics didn't help at all, then the main vet gave him a whacking great dose of steroids which stopped the ulcers forming in days. He'll now be on steroids for life as he obviously has something autoimmune going on as he still has weird patches, but they are not the terrible oozing craters of before which have now all healed

justasking111 · 15/04/2024 13:25

Poor dog, lovely owners. But I would opt to PTS on this occasion. And our dogs have always been greatly loved.

ConfusedDogMum · 15/04/2024 13:27

@Andthereyougo That’s interesting, we do have them but only ones that claim to be pet friendly but I’ve gone and switched them off… you never know so thank you!

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 15/04/2024 13:27

I’m sorry op. Animals break your heart.

But I’d never be without them.

When I was younger I would pay any amount and put my pets through anything in order to extend their lives. Now I’m older and wiser, and I think it’s not always kind to put them through the stress and discomfort of operations and invasive treatment. Better a short life and a merry one.

Laiste · 15/04/2024 13:29

@DisappearingGirl i totally agree. We've had pets big and small over the years and my majority experience at the vets is that they tend to lean over heavily toward treatment at any cost. Even the animal's quality of life.

It's a fine line, and i get that everyone that cares enough to actually take their animal to a vet is going to get them treated, but having to be the one to bring up euthanising instead of ploughing on and on with treatment is REALLY DIFFICULT when it hasn't been mentioned at all by the vet.

I accompanied one of my adult DDs to the vets with her young male cat recently which was having awful recurring bladder problems. All the £££ in the world thrown at it wouldn't fix this permanently; the poor cat was going to often cope with a lot of pain. The vet was gently upfront about this fact right from the start of this (3rd appt in 3 months) appointment and i was so grateful to her. It made my DDs decision much less stressful and guilt ridden 😥

Swipe left for the next trending thread