Niece

[bananarama80]

I am So annoyed with my niece who’s been sectioned Again, for the fourth time in a year, she’s been gone from her daughter 22 weeks now. She is a single mum and I know she struggles with her mental health and I try to understand this but the drinking and drugs she does on nights out don’t help this. There is pattern to being sectioned whenever it’s school holidays and when she has been out. I honestly don’t think she wants to be a parent. There is no one else in the family other than me; partner and our young adult children. No one tells us anything just get the usual obligatory call from social worker asking if we’re ok to look after child: we love the child and always have had an amazing bond since she was born, but we’re just left with no information and childcare to pay so we can still both work full time, which we need to do financially, can’t claim the 30 hours childcare as child doesn’t officially live with us - AIBU to feel angry and annoyed about this - sorry going on a bit / it’s upsetting also because used to have such a lovely relationship with niece before she binned her all her old friends off and got new ones a month or so before being sectioned the first time - as anyone taking their nieces child and how did it go having whole life turned upside down - thanks

Thank you I will look into this

I think you need to be straight with SS. A five minute phone call to say 'are you ok to look after child?' isn't really enough.

Can you say to them, 'We are willing to take X in - but can't afford the associated child care costs. Unfortunately we both work, and it's just not feasible for us to pay out £700 a month in child care costs. Will you be funding that? Other wise, sadly the answer is no. Financially we just can't do it. We are both at work all day and don't have any other options'.

You need to be blunt with social services.
Either the child's mother needs to pay for childcare - and they need to facilitate this or SS do. And these are the conditions on which you will take the child. Tell them they have till Friday to organise it this time or they will need to collect her. They will avoid it. But keep pushing. They will find a way as you are so much cheaper than an emergency Foster placement. A Foster placement will make it harder for your niece to keep getting the child back too.

You know people facing homelessness can't leave a rented flat or they get nothing so they have to wait and be evicted and then the system kicks in?
Well it's the same with getting support out of SS. While ever you offer they will take. Make yourself aware of what it costs to foster a child for a week and realise your £ value to them.
Ring and say you want to stop. You cannot afford it and if no offer of nursery fees by x date you can no longer provide care. You have to treat it like playing poker.

So in between being sectioned 4 times this year she has periods of functionality?

That is not someone making choices. She is years away from making choices - if ever. That is still someone who is suffering from mental ill health and addiction. And that is not someone who is fit and safe to be caring for a child.

I will do this thank you

I think I need to be firmer I'm just scared they will say you can't afford it then take the child away

bananarama80
Id assume if your niece agrees and it goes through the right channels you could hopefully get some form of a carers allowance/ foster allowance/child allowance? Best of luck, hope it all works out and your niece and child are ok x

Thank you so much

Your niece is lucky to have you

You are not being unreasonable. I have been admitted to psych wards many times and my children have had to be taken care of by relatives until I stabilised. After a couple of years of this pattern I did some self reflection and realised drinking and getting involved with abusive or unstable relationships were the trigger. I am now six years sober and single and no more hospital admissions.
mental illness is shit but, not an excuse to do whatever you want and have everyone around you clean up your mess time and time again.

@PicaK thank you never thought of it like that.

@MinervaMcGonagallsCat yes she has had functionality, after the first two times she stayed off work quite rightly so then it was agreed she would do a phased return into work which went really well according to her employer. she gets up to go to work, if she goes out however when it's time to look after child stays in bed but then can get up to go get make up and hair done to go out then the next day stays in bed again all day then is recovered to go out - this is not an everyday occurrence but there is a pattern, it's also after she's been out drinking I really think drink does her affect her more than it should she also has been known to take drugs

@Stayupallnight I'm sorry you had to go through all that but thank you for telling me your experiences and so happy you have come out the over side, I really hope my niece can do this also xx

YANBU op.
You are trying your hardest to help your niece and great niece, the easiest thing for you to do is when social services call would be to say no you can't have your great niece but you don't, you put yourself and your family out to help, practically and at financial detriment to yourself.
I'm sure others more qualified than me will be able to point you in the right direction of getting some support.
You are trying your hardest to help your niece but that doesn't mean you can't feel annoyed at her also

Oh bless you, I’m actually fine now, fully recovered

Sounds like cocaine come down.

Honestly I'd be fighting for the child to remain in your custody. It's no good going back and fourth like this for them.

If the DC was in foster care the foster carers would be fully compensated. Hopefully there might be a way you can get a foster carer's allowance if you take DC full time. It sounds like the niece would want this

OP, I'd push for a section 17 Child in Need assessment so the child and you can get extra support.

I do think it’s ridiculous when children’s care services are part of the reason why councils are going bankrupt and yet SS can’t even allow you - the person providing the free care - access to the 30 hours the child is entitled to. Not many people could afford an extra £700 a month from no where.

https://new.newcastle.gov.uk/fostering/about-fostering/fees-allowances

It also states if you are asked to care for the child via social services you are considered aN approved foster carer - you should be getting ££££ per month and you need to claim

She's taking the piss

Bless you what a difficult situation.

I do believe that mental health issues are an illness, and I don’t believe your niece can help the way she is. She’s seriously unwell.

Youre being amazing by stepping in and looking after your great-niece. I couldn’t turn my back on her in your situation. She’s just an innocent little girl and you are the only family she has.

It’s shocking that social services will just bring her to you with zero financial help though? Is there really nothing in place to help support carers in this situation?

How is the child physically getting to you? Does she always have a social worker? What sort of plan is she subject to?
How is her nursery/childcare funded when she is with her mum?

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/family-and-friends-care/

Thos might give you some info. Local authorities are terrible for doing private arrangements and not formal kinshipcare/fostering. You should be a formal foster carer with the financial help that entails

https://www.gov.uk/support-for-foster-parents/help-with-the-cost-of-fostering