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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ghosted by a rehoming shelter - Next steps?

44 replies

RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 10:49

Last week, a local shelter posted a plea to rehome a dog, a lovely little 3 year old Labrador. I have been brought up with Labs all my life so I know them well, I've had one ever since I bought my own property 20+ years ago, so It's fair to say I am experienced in handling them etc. I currently have one in the house - an 8 year old female and, normally I always have 2, but after our old girl during lockdown etc, we left it a while to find the perfect natured dog.

So, fast forward to last week, the 3 year old was advertised and I immediately made contact with the owner of the shelter and arranged a visit for this weekend I had explained the living situation, that we have another Lab, lived with other dogs etc and owner of shelter happy with this, said we sound like the perfect home for the dog and would arrange a home visit if happy at the shelter visit.

DH and I went down and spent quite a bit of time with her, but the owner was not there that day, but other staff and they were happy to show me the dog. All went well and I said we would like to proceed with the adoption, but one of the staff immediately seemed to get her back up when I had mentioned we have an 8 year old lab already. She said "No, this dog must be the only dog". I explained my very long chat with the owner of the shelter who knows my home situation and was happy that there was another dog there etc. History of the 3 year old is that her owner passed away, was an only dog in the household, but attended doggy day care so used to being around others and no known issues.

After explaining this, the staff then claimed another family were interested in her, a family with no other dogs, but they weren't 100% and if they didn't proceed, then I would be contacted by the end of that day (Saturday).

No call came, so on my way into town yesterday, I dropped into the shelter and asked for an update, told the other family had not been in touch and they will chase up today, but if nothing, they will contact me and arrange a home visit, but still said "Ah but you have another dog?" Again, I reiterated the chat I had with the owner who fully knew my situation, highlighted I am always at home (both DH and I WFH, not expected to change as we run business from there) so dogs would never be left alone etc. But again, no call. I sent them a message on their facebook page and the message was read but ignored. Sent a follow up this morning again reiterating the situation and still read but ignored.

We are in the perfect position to offer this girl her loving forever home. I don't want to phone the owner as I know she is dealing with some personal things now, but what should I do? Should I keep at them, or just leave it? Both me and DH are really keen for this girl, she's the perfect temperament and would be a fab addition to our home.

YABU - Don't contact them again, just let the dog go
YANBU - Keep trying to contact the shelter and reiterate your situation.

OP posts:
Haydenn · 15/04/2024 10:52

I know it’s hard, but rehoming shelters primary purpose is to find homes, not provide great customer service. I’d politely ask again in a week and keep on their radar for this girl.

ToxicChristmas · 15/04/2024 10:52

It's a massive shame, but they don't want you to have her. You need to give this one up. If they message back then great, but message after message from you won't make a scrap of difference.

Popchippps · 15/04/2024 10:55

but still said "Ah but you have another dog?"
they've told you twice they want the dog to go to a home without other dogs?

They don’t have to disclose the reasons for this

my dog loves other dogs but wouldn’t like to live with another, if they’ve have plenty of interest it’ll be most suitable home not most persistent home

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 15/04/2024 10:56

They clearly don’t want the dog to go to a home with another dog, as for whatever reason they fear this might lead to the dog having to be returned, that’s what they want to avoid. Let it go.

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 15/04/2024 11:00

YABU.

I'm sure you have a lovely home but clearly they want this dog to go to a home with no other dogs.

Also, due to dominance, it's not always the best idea to put two girl dogs together that don't know each other, and lots of shelters have this rule.

We rehomed a spaniel, but had to rehome a boy as we already have a girl spaniel who is definitely top dog, and would not take too kindly to another girl dog, but is fine with boys.

Fairyliz · 15/04/2024 11:00

Popchippps · 15/04/2024 10:55

but still said "Ah but you have another dog?"
they've told you twice they want the dog to go to a home without other dogs?

They don’t have to disclose the reasons for this

my dog loves other dogs but wouldn’t like to live with another, if they’ve have plenty of interest it’ll be most suitable home not most persistent home

Edited

But why would they not disclose this?
Please don’t tell me dogs have privacy rights now so they can’t tell you about any abuse it’s suffered.

PeaceOnThePorch · 15/04/2024 11:01

It sounds like the owner of the shelter isn’t around very much and the staff are more likely to know the type of home which is suitable for her having observed her more. You have only spent part of a day with her so aren’t in the best position to know either.

There is some reason they want her to go to a home with no over dogs.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:01

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 15/04/2024 10:56

They clearly don’t want the dog to go to a home with another dog, as for whatever reason they fear this might lead to the dog having to be returned, that’s what they want to avoid. Let it go.

I get that, but they why would the owner tell me we're exactly the type of household she would love to see the dog go to? I feel like she's got our hopes up. DH says I should phone the owner, but I feel I don't want to burden with this. Just frustrating all round.

OP posts:
PeaceOnThePorch · 15/04/2024 11:02

*other

PeaceOnThePorch · 15/04/2024 11:04

RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:01

I get that, but they why would the owner tell me we're exactly the type of household she would love to see the dog go to? I feel like she's got our hopes up. DH says I should phone the owner, but I feel I don't want to burden with this. Just frustrating all round.

Show quote history

You have said she had personal stuff going on, maybe she just wasn’t thinking straight or didn’t properly take in what you were saying.

CheeryPye · 15/04/2024 11:05

I know it's not what you want to hear but they don't owe you a dog. Forget about your talk with the owner. If it was that vital to the case the owner would have got in touch with you herself by now.

GoawaySunrise · 15/04/2024 11:10

I was a kennel manager for quite a long time, and the owners really had no idea about the dogs there(temperaments, special needs, health issues) It may be that the staff knows this dog needs to be in a single-animal home and the owner isn't aware. The owner liked to handle calls and have conversations, but was hardly ever in the back with the actual dogs to know what they needed. As others have said, I would let it go. The staff knows the dog well and thinks it would be a bad idea.

ToxicChristmas · 15/04/2024 11:13

They don't want her at a home with another dog. You have another dog. It's nothing personal, you just don't fit the criteria. Who knows why the owner felt differently- clearly the staff who know the dog strongly believe she would be better in a single dog family. You've made your case numerous times, they know you are interested. Leave the owner alone (I'm sure she's aware anyway) and let it go. If they rethink the situation they will contact you, but I would think a friendly, well behaved young lab won't be too much of a struggle to rehome.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:13

GoawaySunrise · 15/04/2024 11:10

I was a kennel manager for quite a long time, and the owners really had no idea about the dogs there(temperaments, special needs, health issues) It may be that the staff knows this dog needs to be in a single-animal home and the owner isn't aware. The owner liked to handle calls and have conversations, but was hardly ever in the back with the actual dogs to know what they needed. As others have said, I would let it go. The staff knows the dog well and thinks it would be a bad idea.

Thank you for this. I think you and other posters are right, we just need to accept that we don't get her. It's a shame :(

OP posts:
MuscariFan · 15/04/2024 11:14

RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:01

I get that, but they why would the owner tell me we're exactly the type of household she would love to see the dog go to? I feel like she's got our hopes up. DH says I should phone the owner, but I feel I don't want to burden with this. Just frustrating all round.

Show quote history

I imagine they thought you sounded perfect, but now know the other dog better and do not think she is right for a home with another - probably because they feel she's likely to be dominant with another bitch?

GoawaySunrise · 15/04/2024 11:16

RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:13

Thank you for this. I think you and other posters are right, we just need to accept that we don't get her. It's a shame :(

Show quote history

It is and I'm sorry you got your hopes up! They should've had a bit of spine and said no I'm sorry she just won't do for you, but perhaps didn't want to speak out against the owner. You'll find another pup. You sound like a wonderful owner just give it time xx

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:19

GoawaySunrise · 15/04/2024 11:16

It is and I'm sorry you got your hopes up! They should've had a bit of spine and said no I'm sorry she just won't do for you, but perhaps didn't want to speak out against the owner. You'll find another pup. You sound like a wonderful owner just give it time xx

Show quote history

I think this is what has annoyed me more, by telling me "we will let you know either way by the end of the day". What they should have said was "At the moment, another family are interested. If that falls though, we will contact you then, but if you don't hear from us, I'm sorry but it means we won't be progressing things at this time". Just manages expectations better I think...

End of the day, I just want to see the dog go to her loving forever home, whoever that may be with. I just want to see her happy (as does the shelter lol).

OP posts:
BreakfastAtMimis · 15/04/2024 11:23

Contact them one more time and offer them a very generous donation on top of any rehoming costs you need to cover. I bet you'll get your dog.

Original poster
RicciardoPerez · 15/04/2024 11:30

BreakfastAtMimis · 15/04/2024 11:23

Contact them one more time and offer them a very generous donation on top of any rehoming costs you need to cover. I bet you'll get your dog.

Haha!! DH said to do that lol! Well I tried to call the owner but it just rung out. They've got my messages, the ball is in their court now. If it's meant to be, it'll be etc.... :(

OP posts:
GoawaySunrise · 15/04/2024 11:33

BreakfastAtMimis · 15/04/2024 11:23

Contact them one more time and offer them a very generous donation on top of any rehoming costs you need to cover. I bet you'll get your dog.

Yes, but then she may end up with a dog that attacks her current older pup. If an owner presented herself to me the way OP has come across, I would absolutely be giving her the dog unless there was an underlying circumstance where I knew it would be unsafe for everyone. During the down-season, I would allow our empty kennel runs to be occupied by rescue dogs free of charge. There are just so many that need homes, I can't imagine op not getting the dog without good cause.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/04/2024 11:39

Please look for another dog, where it specifies they can live full time with another dog. Lots of rescues say they must be the only one. I'm not sure why but they have their reasons.
You are clearly keen but no point wasting more time on this one. Ask them to match you with a more suitable one? Or go further afield.

WoodBurningStov · 15/04/2024 11:41

Sometimes owners don't always know what's best for the dog and just want to pass it on. The staff will know if that dog is suitable to live with another dog. The last thing they need is for the adoption to breakdown and the dog is returned.

Fiddlerdragon · 15/04/2024 11:43

You’ve been repeatedly told that the dog cannot be rehomed with another dog. Whether that’s been decided by the kennel staff who have more of an insight to the dogs potential behaviour, or maybe even the owner feeling too awkward to tell you she doesn’t want you to have the dog, and telling the kennel staff the opposite of what she’s telling you, I think you have to accept that you’re not getting the dog. Having a lot of experience with a breed doesn’t mean that you would be a suitable owner for literally all of them. I’m wondering why you’re so keen on adopting a dog that the kennel staff are so vehemently against you taking, actually telling you it MUST NOT be rehomed with another dog!

DrJoanAllenby · 15/04/2024 11:56

Did you bring your own dog up to meet her?

MarmiteChocolate · 15/04/2024 12:02

BreakfastAtMimis · 15/04/2024 11:23

Contact them one more time and offer them a very generous donation on top of any rehoming costs you need to cover. I bet you'll get your dog.

I volunteer at a cat and dog rescue and we get countless people each week who try to buy their way to the top of the list or who want a "designer" pet (purebred generally, or something fashionable.... so not a staffy dog or moggy cat). Rescues do not work in this way, or at least no reputable one would. If the assessment is that the animal needs a home different to yours, that stands, regardless of any bribes offered. If you genuinely want to rehkme a pet, take the rescues advice about one that is suitable to your circumstances. Not just chasing after whichever one will look prettiest on your social media.