I need a hand hold and some advice please.My DM passed away last July after a battle with cancer. Im still grieving there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her. I miss her so much.she was my best friend, confident and gave me unconditional love.I was blessed. We were joined at the hip.I took her to luncheon clubs, art clubs ,GP hospital appointment, shopping etc
Rewind 5 years ago and she 'gifted' me and my family a deposit for a larger house so she could move in with us.I had an extension made like a flat to accommodate her.
She took ill last February and it was down hill after that.My 2 brothers (lets call them Bill and Ben) came into ours lives after only visiting once or twice a year..
They asked about a Will and had she had made one.She had I was given 40% both Biil and Benn 30% ( I know very distasteful at this time in her life) they knew about the gift and said it was Ok. However they had the Will revised (unbeknown to mum, she agreed in the end that Ben instead of Bill and myself was executors. I was still one of the executors.
Fast forward 5 months when she had passed away and Ben couldn't wait to send it to probate.He didn't organise anything else.
Anyway legalities went through and I don't think it was what they had been planning (I think the solicitor knew what they were up to). To their dismay the 'gift' was included in the final distributions.Ben rang me and said I hadn't disclosed it. I said I had and he asked the probate manger proof or this.When received proof he suggested that I get back to her and say that I borrowed it ( the gift)He then asked probate to revalue the Will because it wasn't fair and claimed that he me and DM had had a conversation about early inheritance !!
All over Christmas he was messaging me saying he has now hired a booking ledger to look at 7 year statements (I presume he thinks I have been dipping in her account) I haven't.
It has been horendous no compassion I have been in bits.
All through this he is saying (in a very polite professional way he is just doing what an executor does) and wants to distribute the money evenly. Because I had the gift and it should be equal.
This point I am not communicating with him. Bill gets on and suggests a mediator with legal qualifications. I state I don't need one there is nothing to discuss the probate manger has confirmed twice that everything is in place and that signatures are needed.
Any way Ben won't sign the final documents and has threaten me( in a nice way) with the 7 year statements.His last message was 'no stone will go unturned' We need a mediation!'
Sorry it's so long thanks for reading I just needed to get this off my chest to see what you all think AIBU? It is effecting my wellbeing and I can't put mum to rest.
AIBU?
Not to negotiate my inheritance
Needafriend14 · 15/04/2024 10:28
Am I being unreasonable?
1283 votes. Final results.
POLLBoutonnière · 15/04/2024 11:04
This is so similar to the separate cases of two friends of mine who both looked after elderly parents, altered their houses and lives to accommodate them, then siblings who had barely visited tried to challenge the will. Neither challenge succeeded.
One matter I’m wondering about though - the gift was within 7 years of death and the value of that ( on a sliding scale ) can be taken into account when calculating any IHT due, thus reducing the residual estate to be divided.. Of course, the total estate may be under the IHT level. I’m just remembering this from when I did probate on my parents’ estates and could be not entirely accurate/up to date.
smellslikecinnamon · 15/04/2024 12:08
Your DM knew what she was doing. She gave you 40% and a gift as you cared for her. She gave them 30% and no gift as they abandoned her.
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