to ask if you have ever written a moral inventory?

[urbanritual]

Prompted by watching The Dry (Highly recommend if you haven't seen, available on ITV)

It's about a woman who is a recovering alcoholic and she's asked to write her moral inventory as a step within her recovery process.

I am interested if anyone has ever written their moral inventory, and what did you achieve from it? Is it something worthwhile doing?

Please don't feel you need to disclose your personal reasons as to why you have written one.

Edited to add what a moral inventory is - A moral inventory is a written objective assessment of your life, including character deficits, strengths and weaknesses

What’s a moral inventory?

Maybe explain what it is so peoole don’t have to Google?

Apologies, I have edited now with a description. I assumed if people had written one then they would know what it was without explanation. xx

No, but that sounds interesting.

Ive done one that works out your core values, which I think has helped me.

There are websites that help you do this. They give you a list of core values and you start by choosing the ones that you feel apply to you. Then there was a series of questions which helped them move further or up or down the list.

As an example my top three core values are authenticity, honest and fairness. And although that at first may sound like I’m a goody two shoes, it does bring its own problems eg authenticity- maybe at times I need to be more tactful. Honesty - too judgmental of others not being as straight forward as me. Fairness - getting hung up on ‘its NoT fAiR’, when life is not fair.

@Imgoingtobefree - It sounds very interesting and I think every behaviour probably does carry positive and negatives.

I wrote one before having DD, I was aware of the process as my cousin was in recovery and thought it was a good exercise for anyone tbh and felt it was a good time to reflect and see where improvements can be made.

I found it worthwhile as it highlighted areas where I might need to work on as our character flaws impact everyone around us, none more so than our children.

You do need to be in the right space to do it though, as some people are never going to be able to honestly reflect on their own character deficits or flaws.

I've not seen The Dry but I've done the steps in AA and it sounds as if that's what she's referring to - step 4 in particular.

Starting with resentments: we do step 4 in columns, where column one is each person you feel resentful towards (going back to childhood), understanding the causes of your resentment, the effects it's had on you and then the part you played in it, including the nature of your wrongs (self pity, arrogance etc).

It can take a while. 😁

Hmm, I think about how I am lacking constantly /stuff I should not have done so would not want it written down as I would dwell. I'm of the opinion though that my default should be to be a very decent and moral person so any deviation is a falling (yes I did have over bearing emotionally immature parents who held me to higher standards than they did themselves and yes I have been to counselling!).

Op what is the reason you do it/what's the goal? to be better or to be pleased with yourself ? I suppose for me I could major on the decent things that would be good. I'm off to Google.

I've done one in AA recovery and regularly do "top ups" if something major is bothering me.

You have to be very open to seeing other people's POV and accepting that EVERY situation you have some responsibility for.

Eg if someone regularly treats you like absolute shit then yes they're in the wrong BUT you get angry or upset because you keep expecting them to behave normally / better. If you expect them to be shit then you are much less angry / upset. Plus do you have a choice about engaging / putting yourself in their path?

They're a wonderful tool but without the desperation of escaping active addiction I don't know if most 'normal' people have got the necessary perspective

I've not had trauma inflicted by others or addiction to deal with or anything. I have to say that for me I'd find it fairly pointless? I'm well aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and what things I am good at morally and where I need to improve. Do most people not already have self awareness to know the answers without having to write it down?

Unless you mean that other people tell you what they think? Like asking your friends what your weaknesses are? But presumably that's a bad plan if your friends are not very aware or just a bit shit!

@Alphabetsouplover @HuntingoftheSnark @FusionChefGeoff

By writing it all down, did you feel better afterwards or a pang of guilt? Would any positive experiences be written or only negative?

I think I imagined you would write down a scenario that happened, how you did deal with it and how it could have been dealt with better. I think I have the wrong impression of it though.

I just wondered if doing something like this would be beneficial to evaluate situations and scenarios. I xx

@urbanritual the purpose of step 4 is to identify our problems and gain a clear picture of how our behaviour has affected those around us. It's part of the road to recovery and is seen as very freeing. Step 5 is talking through step 4 with your sponsor.

It's probably not something I would have been that keen to do if I wasn't prepared to go to any lengths to free myself from the grip of alcoholism. We hear on this site often enough how inherently selfish alcoholics are - this is essentially where we lay everything on the line, admit to our defects.

The steps are ongoing. Step 10 is a daily check in as to any resentments that crop up in our daily life.

I'd not heard of them but it sounds like something I'd possbily consider doing.

My son in law couldn't complete AA or other addiction programs because he couldn't face up to doing this. To do it without bias takes a lot of self awareness and honesty.

@HuntingoftheSnark That's a very helpful description and I can imagine it's not an easy thing to write down. Congratulations on completing yours.

I didn't realise it was specific in the recovery process and I suppose I was thinking it could be applied to anyone in life who feels they have behaved in a less than favourable way which has resulted in consequences for them and those around them which is why I wondered if anyone has ever done it through therapy, or if they are on a spiritual journey etc

It's very interesting x