To be friends?

[Starfish125]

I'm not quite sure what I'm gaining from this post but here it goes. So basically there is a group of 5 of us, we all know each other from the school as kids (aged 6/7) are friends. However, I feel lately that I don't really belong and feel like I'm on the outside looking in and that we don't have all that much in common. For example, all 4 of them moan and moan about the SATS that year 2 have to take and their children's mental health and so on. I could easily agree to agree but I don't think they are that bad? But by not agreeing with this it automatically makes me the outsider and you can really feel it. Another example is each one of their children has SEN (3 autistic (1 moderate 2 mild) and one with ADHD. Again, they talk about how crap the school is helping regarding referrals etc which I totally believe and sympathise but I also can't say I understand? So again I'm not really part of it. As I said I don't know what I'm looking to gain from this,.but do u guys think I should just give up this friendship now?.

I think if you are not gaining anything from the friendship group (happiness, a sense of camaraderie, sharing of mutual interests, laughing etc) its probably time to slowly distance yourself and try to make new friends.

No need to burn bridges though, still remain friendly 😊

But by not agreeing with this it automatically makes me the outsider and you can really feel it.

Well I'm not surprised, given that all of their children have SEN.

Why would you comment at all if your child doesn't?

This was about the SATs, all children have to do SATs not just those with Sen so why wouldn't the OP have an opinion?

For example, all 4 of them moan and moan about the SATS that year 2 have to take and their children's mental health and so on. I could easily agree to agree but I don't think they are that bad?

She can have an opinion but I would've kept it to myself, given that all of their children have SEN and mine don't.

The OP doesn't sound particularly empathetic anyway, accusing them of 'moaning and moaning'.

They're not moaning, they're sharing experiences of being SEN parents. Something you clearly don't understand, through no fault of your own. But you are clearly not prepared to sympathise with them which is a choice you're making.

These seem like small concerns to throw away lifelong friendships. In bigger groups there will always be times when we don’t quite have something to say on a matter. Of course be yourself. You might like to add in new friendships with new people who share interests with you but I wouldn’t bin the existing ones! Xx

@JustBrowsingTheWeb , I don’t think these are lifelong friendships, these are people with 6 and 7 year old children who get on.

OP, you’re not terribly empathetic about the experiences of parents with children who have SEN. Your can breeze through SATs, which is great, but theirs can’t and it’s causing stress.

It’s ok to step back from that part of a conversation if you feel you have nothing to add. Or just be sympathetic - “that sounds hard, I’m not surprised you’re fed up,” etc.

In all likelihood they will have more in common with each other as they progress through school and the various battles they’ll have to fight for their children.

It isn’t a ranking. You can still be friends without agreeing with them on every topic or having less in common in some areas than in others.

Ah sorry misread, I thought they had been friends since they were children not because of the children x