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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on a family holiday without 1 of my DC?

8 replies

Coppercreek1 · 14/04/2024 22:07

Might be a long rambly one as i try to inckude the relevent info!

I have 3 DC with ExDP, who I still live with. We have 3 DC between the ages of 9 and 12. 2 DDS and DS.

DS has severe autism, as well as learning and behavioural difficulties. I have had 6 nights away from DS in his entire life, 3 nights when he was toddler and 3 nights last year when I was in desperate need of a break and went away with my mum.

After a harrowing time losing my grandmother last year, we as a family decided to book a little break away for this year, nothing fancy, a break away at a holiday park we went to every year as kids.

when Exdp was booking his holiday for the coming year i reminded him that he needed to check his hours the week we are going (we are going during term time Monday- Friday so DS will be at school the whole time) Exdp only works Mon and Tues on weekdays, having chosen to work long days on the weekends for the last 7 years rather than have to help with DS.

He is meant to finish at 3.15 but often doesn't finish until 3.45, and simply reminded that he needed to know he could leave on time those 2 days to collect DS.

This seems to have prompted a rant about how he is being dumped with DS those days and how disgusting it is that we would take a family holiday and not take DS as he's family, how me and my family are absolutely awful horrible people and I suppose I am questioning if maybe it is unreasonable to do?

I took one break with eldest DD for a weekend 6 years ago but otherwise all holidays revolve around DS, we haven't been abroad since 2019 as flying is not something that is manageable with DS since he has got older, and most holidays now involve sitting in our accommodation with occasional trips to a pool or park as DS behaviour is very difficult ultimately to manage out and about.

I just want one holiday with my mum and sisters and the girls to spend time with their cousins and not have to revolve around DS for once... AiBU?

OP posts:
Ace56 · 14/04/2024 22:10

YANBU, sounds like your ex just doesn’t want to have to deal with DS on his own while you’re away.

cestlavielife · 14/04/2024 22:11

Of course it's fine. It s a different dynamic with a child with specific needs. What does ss offer you? Is he at Sen school?

Iloveacurry · 14/04/2024 22:14

Has he ever taken DS away on holiday?

idontlikealdi · 14/04/2024 22:15

YANBU, at all.

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 14/04/2024 22:18

When is he taking the DC away?

Coppercreek1 · 14/04/2024 22:19

cestlavielife · 14/04/2024 22:11

Of course it's fine. It s a different dynamic with a child with specific needs. What does ss offer you? Is he at Sen school?

I'm meant to get 6 hours a week of respite but it's hit and miss, no providers in the area and PAs are like hens teeth, we do have one but she can only do around 3 hours.

He goes to a SEN school, he has since he was 3.

OP posts:
Coppercreek1 · 14/04/2024 22:20

Iloveacurry · 14/04/2024 22:14

Has he ever taken DS away on holiday?

Once, that weekend I took DD to visit my daughter in fuerteventura 6 years ago he took DS and youngest DD away for the weekend. But not since then!

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 25/07/2024 18:18

Your Ex is a parent who needs to grow up. You deserve this holiday and time away. I think you need to go back to social services and discuss holiday respite .
6 hours a week is not enough you need something in place so you can have more time away.
Have you asked school if any one is interested in PA work ?

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